DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend, "Jake," for a year and a half. To put it mildly, his dad does not like me. He has never thought I was good enough for his son, and he doesn't like the fact that I have a daughter from an earlier relationship. He thinks I'm interested in Jake only for his money, even though I work a full-time job and Jake and I share everything equally, except my daughter's expenses. I pay for those myself.

When Jake and I attend family gatherings for holidays or birthdays, his dad refuses to say hello to me. He does, however, make derogatory or negative remarks about me to Jake. It's incredibly hurtful and demeaning.

I have tried bringing it up to Jake, and he agrees. But he will not address it with his dad because "Dad won't change." Can you help? -- DISLIKED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR DISLIKED: I don't know how serious Jake is about you, but if he was in love with you and planned on marrying you, he would INSIST that, at the very least, his father treat you with respect. Dad won't change because his son isn't assertive enough to make plain that if he doesn't, he will be seeing less of the both of you. I can only hope that your child isn't on the receiving end of this kind of treatment, because if that's happening -- for both of your sakes -- I'm advising you to end the romance with Jake.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to the love of my life for 21 years. He has helped me raise my two children to adulthood. Both have now moved away and have their own lives.

My problem started a year and a half ago, when my grandson was born. I live 750 miles from my daughter and her little boy, and have a standing invitation to see them as often as I want (every three to four months). It makes more sense for me to travel to see them than the reverse.

I have always invited my husband to come with me, but he refuses. He has now given me an ultimatum: I can see them no more than twice a year or he will divorce me. What do you say, Abby? -- DUMBSTRUCK IN MAINE

DEAR DUMBSTRUCK: I say you have three choices -- either work this out with the help of a marriage counselor, see your daughter and grandson only twice a year or start talking to a lawyer. I have a strong hunch there's more going on here than you have revealed in your letter -- and whether or not your husband agrees to counseling, you should go.

DEAR ABBY: I am an older woman who has been dating a very nice man for approximately seven months. I'm fashionable and take pride in my appearance. While my friend is clean and neat, he wears a baseball cap with all of his clothes -- even his dress suits. I bought him a nice cap once and he was offended, so I returned it to the store.

Since he is good in so many ways, should I ignore this one quirk? I'd love to see him without the baseball cap when we go out. -- FASHIONABLE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR FASHIONABLE: Have you tried asking him WHY he does this? Your friend may wear baseball caps with every outfit because he's bald or has thinning hair and is self-conscious about it. (Many men are.) If this gentleman has only one quirk that bothers you, you might be wise to consider that his attire is a reflection only on himself and not you.

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Camilla" recently learned that she is HIV positive. She became aware of it through a blood test, as she is pregnant. The baby's father has been tested and he was negative. Her future health is of no concern because the situation is under control. Camilla hasn't been unfaithful, and it is clear she has been HIV positive for some time.

My issue is, she refuses to contact her previous lover about her condition, even though she likely got it from him. Her ex may have no idea that he is positive and may not find out until it is too late.

Abby, I understand her concern and embarrassment, but I think her ex deserves to know. Should I contact him anonymously? I know his name and could find his contact information. I feel strongly that he should know, so he can be tested and go on medication. I would, of course, be doing this behind my friend's back. -- CONFLICTED IN THE USA

DEAR CONFLICTED: I took your question to Ged Kenslea, director of communications for the AIDS Healthcare Foundation, and this is his response:

"At the time of her diagnosis, Camilla should have been urged to contact her previous partners. It's standard procedure, and not something that a health care worker would just 'skip' doing. As well-meaning as the writer is to want to inform Camilla's previous lover about her condition, it's not appropriate on an individual level to interfere in this situation. There are confidentiality as well as safety issues involved that could bring hurt feelings, harm and possible legal liability to those involved in the disclosure.

"A better option might be to contact the county health department where the individual resides to see if it has the capacity to contact the individual, let that person know there may be a health issue he or she could be facing and urge him/her to get tested and linked to care, if necessary -- all without disclosing who contacted the county with that information."

DEAR ABBY: My daughters resent my second wife. My first wife died two years ago. When I remarried, it caused some friction with my daughters because they want my house when I die. In my will, should I give the house to my daughters with the stipulation that my present wife can live there for the rest of her life? -- UNDECIDED ESTATE PLANNING

DEAR UNDECIDED: If you want to assure your new wife that she'll have a roof over her head, talk to an attorney who specializes in wills and trusts and put your wishes in writing. Be sure it's official, "just in case" your daughters decide they want the house a little early.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked as an armed guard for the last two years. Since the beginning, whenever people find out what I do for a living, one of their first comments is, "Wouldn't it be funny if you got robbed?"

I know these people are being facetious, but it bothers me. I don't think they would find it funny if I were to joke about shooting them. Is there a polite way to discourage this, or should I just grin, bear it and chuckle? -- DON'T SHOOT

DEAR DON'T: You can choose to laugh it off, or you might keep a straight face and say, "It wouldn't be so funny if I or someone else got hurt."

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married to my husband, "Mark," for 20 years. My best friend, "Eric," is a gay man. For some reason, Mark is threatened by my friendship with Eric. Whenever Eric calls or texts, my husband becomes resentful. It has reached the point that I feel like I need to hide phone calls and texts, and sneak around in order to talk to my friend.

I have always been faithful, honest and open with Mark about everything, and I am very uncomfortable having to hide my friendship with Eric from him. Mark does not feel this way about any of my female friends. He's fully aware of Eric's sexual orientation, so he knows Eric poses no threat to our marriage.

I don't understand where the jealousy and resentment are coming from. I don't want to hurt my marriage. -- BOTH WIFE AND FRIEND

DEAR B.W.A.F.: Either your husband is jealous of the TIME you spend communicating with Eric -- time that Mark feels would be better spent with him -- or he may not understand the dynamics of a friendship between some gay men and straight women. Sometimes there is a degree of physicality -- hugs and kisses -- that your husband may mistake for physical attraction.

As to your husband not understanding that Eric poses no threat to your marriage, I'm not sure your assumption is correct. Sneaked phone calls and hidden texts ARE a threat to your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I disagree about a gift registry. We recently completed ours. She thinks only those who are invited to the bridal shower and the wedding should get the registry list. I'd like to post the link to the list on my Facebook page and announce we're being married in September in case friends and family who can't come or aren't invited want to give a gift. I wouldn't ASK them to buy anything, but I'd announce that the registry is up and live. What do you think? -- SHARING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SHARING: I think your fiancee is 100 percent right. To post the kind of announcement you are contemplating on your Facebook page would be in the worst possible taste. If you do it, it WILL look like you're soliciting gifts, and it will be an embarrassment for both of you.

DEAR ABBY: My aunt, who is the nicest person and has strong moral values, has a sweet pet I have grown fond of. The animal is sick with cancer and has many tumors, but my aunt will not euthanize her.

In the past, her pets would pass away naturally at the point at which they should have been put to sleep because of their suffering. How can the family convince her to do the right thing? -- SENSITIVE NEPHEW IN PHOENIX

DEAR NEPHEW: This isn't a decision the family should make "for" someone. When a beloved pet is terminal and no longer capable of running, playing and enjoying life, this is a subject that should be broached by the family member's veterinarian.