DEAR ABBY: My friend "Camilla" recently learned that she is HIV positive. She became aware of it through a blood test, as she is pregnant. The baby's father has been tested and he was negative. Her future health is of no concern because the situation is under control. Camilla hasn't been unfaithful, and it is clear she has been HIV positive for some time.

My issue is, she refuses to contact her previous lover about her condition, even though she likely got it from him. Her ex may have no idea that he is positive and may not find out until it is too late.

Abby, I understand her concern and embarrassment, but I think her ex deserves to know. Should I contact him anonymously? I know his name and could find his contact information. I feel strongly that he should know, so he can be tested and go on medication. I would, of course, be doing this behind my friend's back. -- CONFLICTED IN THE USA

DEAR CONFLICTED: I took your question to Ged Kenslea, director of communications for the AIDS Healthcare Foundation, and this is his response:

"At the time of her diagnosis, Camilla should have been urged to contact her previous partners. It's standard procedure, and not something that a health care worker would just 'skip' doing. As well-meaning as the writer is to want to inform Camilla's previous lover about her condition, it's not appropriate on an individual level to interfere in this situation. There are confidentiality as well as safety issues involved that could bring hurt feelings, harm and possible legal liability to those involved in the disclosure.

"A better option might be to contact the county health department where the individual resides to see if it has the capacity to contact the individual, let that person know there may be a health issue he or she could be facing and urge him/her to get tested and linked to care, if necessary -- all without disclosing who contacted the county with that information."

DEAR ABBY: My daughters resent my second wife. My first wife died two years ago. When I remarried, it caused some friction with my daughters because they want my house when I die. In my will, should I give the house to my daughters with the stipulation that my present wife can live there for the rest of her life? -- UNDECIDED ESTATE PLANNING

DEAR UNDECIDED: If you want to assure your new wife that she'll have a roof over her head, talk to an attorney who specializes in wills and trusts and put your wishes in writing. Be sure it's official, "just in case" your daughters decide they want the house a little early.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked as an armed guard for the last two years. Since the beginning, whenever people find out what I do for a living, one of their first comments is, "Wouldn't it be funny if you got robbed?"

I know these people are being facetious, but it bothers me. I don't think they would find it funny if I were to joke about shooting them. Is there a polite way to discourage this, or should I just grin, bear it and chuckle? -- DON'T SHOOT

DEAR DON'T: You can choose to laugh it off, or you might keep a straight face and say, "It wouldn't be so funny if I or someone else got hurt."

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married to my husband, "Mark," for 20 years. My best friend, "Eric," is a gay man. For some reason, Mark is threatened by my friendship with Eric. Whenever Eric calls or texts, my husband becomes resentful. It has reached the point that I feel like I need to hide phone calls and texts, and sneak around in order to talk to my friend.

I have always been faithful, honest and open with Mark about everything, and I am very uncomfortable having to hide my friendship with Eric from him. Mark does not feel this way about any of my female friends. He's fully aware of Eric's sexual orientation, so he knows Eric poses no threat to our marriage.

I don't understand where the jealousy and resentment are coming from. I don't want to hurt my marriage. -- BOTH WIFE AND FRIEND

DEAR B.W.A.F.: Either your husband is jealous of the TIME you spend communicating with Eric -- time that Mark feels would be better spent with him -- or he may not understand the dynamics of a friendship between some gay men and straight women. Sometimes there is a degree of physicality -- hugs and kisses -- that your husband may mistake for physical attraction.

As to your husband not understanding that Eric poses no threat to your marriage, I'm not sure your assumption is correct. Sneaked phone calls and hidden texts ARE a threat to your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I disagree about a gift registry. We recently completed ours. She thinks only those who are invited to the bridal shower and the wedding should get the registry list. I'd like to post the link to the list on my Facebook page and announce we're being married in September in case friends and family who can't come or aren't invited want to give a gift. I wouldn't ASK them to buy anything, but I'd announce that the registry is up and live. What do you think? -- SHARING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SHARING: I think your fiancee is 100 percent right. To post the kind of announcement you are contemplating on your Facebook page would be in the worst possible taste. If you do it, it WILL look like you're soliciting gifts, and it will be an embarrassment for both of you.

DEAR ABBY: My aunt, who is the nicest person and has strong moral values, has a sweet pet I have grown fond of. The animal is sick with cancer and has many tumors, but my aunt will not euthanize her.

In the past, her pets would pass away naturally at the point at which they should have been put to sleep because of their suffering. How can the family convince her to do the right thing? -- SENSITIVE NEPHEW IN PHOENIX

DEAR NEPHEW: This isn't a decision the family should make "for" someone. When a beloved pet is terminal and no longer capable of running, playing and enjoying life, this is a subject that should be broached by the family member's veterinarian.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Rob," and I are at odds and your response may affect whether we stay together or not. I had a miscarriage a week ago. I was only seven weeks pregnant, but it was still something real for me.

My husband's niece's birthday was over the weekend. I made it clear that I didn't want to drive (three hours!) and be around people after what happened. When he told me it didn't matter, that it was his niece's birthday, I lost it on him. After driving him to his sister's, I left and drove myself home.

He says I'm overreacting and said that I was OK with it earlier in the week. I explained how hurt I was that he'd insist on going and also that he couldn't stand up for me and explain that I was too emotional and upset to attend her birthday. He can't grasp why I'm so hurt by this. AM I overreacting, and am I crazy for feeling the way I feel? -- FEELING DOWN IN THE SOUTH

DEAR FEELING DOWN: I'm sorry for your loss. You're not overreacting and you're not crazy. However, some people are unable to grasp how deeply a miscarriage in the early months of a pregnancy can affect the mother-to-be psychologically and physically. Unfortunately, Rob appears to be one of them.

You didn't mention whether you told your sister-in-law why you didn't feel up to celebrating, but if you didn't, you should have because she probably would have understood and let you off the hook. You also should have stayed home, not driven six hours round-trip to drop Rob off in your fragile condition.

If this continues to cause problems in your marriage, perhaps your clergyperson (if you have one) or a marriage counselor can help you get the message across to your husband.

DEAR ABBY: When I invited a family member and her family for dinner, she asked what I was serving. When I told her, she said, "My kids won't eat that," so I ended up making a different meal that met with her approval.

It was annoying, and I thought she was very rude. I can't imagine saying something like that to someone who is preparing food for me.

This is a family member, so I can't just write them off, but do you have any witty responses should this happen again? -- DISGUSTED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DISGUSTED: I agree it's rude for guests to ask a host what will be served, unless there are allergy issues to be considered. As far as what to say to your relative, I have a couple of suggestions. Neither one is "witty."

The first is: "Fine. Bring food your kids will eat or I'll thaw them some frozen pizza." Or, if you're feeling brave, say: "I'm serving (blank), so hire a baby sitter. That way, the kids can have what they're used to and we'll have an enjoyable adult evening."

P.S. It is not child abuse for parents to introduce children to different foods by telling them to taste it because they might like it. And if they don't, they won't be forced to eat it. That's how they learn.