DEAR ABBY: Forty-five years ago I had a mistress. My wife knew about her. Both of our spouses have now passed. I have found her address on the internet, and I'm debating if I should contact her. What do you think? -- UNSURE IN IOWA

DEAR UNSURE: Because you are both now unencumbered, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't. Clearly, you have things in common and a lot of shared history.

DEAR ABBY: We are well into school's summer vacation, filled with days by the pool, trips to the zoo, and plenty of time for kids to goof off around the house. This extended leisure time for the kiddos may be a good time to remind parents to be thoughtful about what they post on social media.

Some basics: When your child accidentally dumps all the sunscreen from your beach bag onto the car floor, you do not have to post a picture of a regretful, crying toddler to prove that "he really did it this time!" When your child falls off her bike and gets a great big scrape on her forearm, you do not have to post a picture of the scrape for the world to see. When your child is running through the backyard sprinkler without clothes on, you do not have to post a picture to let us know.

Abby, please encourage your readers to have a memorable, safe and exciting summer -- but to keep those photos to themselves. -- COMMON SENSE, PLEASE

DEAR C.S.P.: You obviously don't want the children put at risk or shamed. Some people feel a compulsion to record everything a kid does for the world to see because their child is so special and unique. Unfortunately, we seem to have reached a point in our culture that nothing is private anymore. I'll print your suggestion to parents, but while I applaud your wanting to protect their children, it's their job. If the photos bother you, ignore them and keep scrolling.

DEAR ABBY: We are a family of six children. Our elderly mother lives with each of us three to 10 months at a time. Out of the six of us, only one is a homemaker who has the room and ideal setting for her to live comfortably. However, she refuses to have Mom permanently.

The rest of us have jobs that don't allow us to be with her during the day. Yet we all agreed that putting Mom in a nursing home would be out of the question.

If I didn't have to work, I'd take care of her permanently myself. I admit that she can be difficult to live with. She can cut you down, insist you do all kinds of errands and is suspicious about someone taking her money. I don't know what to do. -- ONE OF SIX IN OHIO

DEAR ONE OF SIX: Has your mother always been this way? If so, then perhaps it's time for another family meeting. To expect one sister to shoulder the entire burden of taking in a demanding, suspicious parent is unfair to her.

If there have been changes in your mother's personality, consider having her be neurologically evaluated to see if there is something wrong with her. A geriatric psychiatrist could give you some helpful input regardless of whether she's ill -- and help you all decide upon a workable, permanent living situation for her.

DEAR ABBY: My partner, "Andrew," and I have been together for four years. I'm a high school teacher, and he works for a major department store. Andrew has always wanted to be a flight attendant and now has the opportunity to interview for a position with a regional carrier. If he gets the job, he will have to relocate to the mid-Atlantic.

I want him to follow his dreams and be successful, and I want to support him, but right now I'm not in a position financially to leave my job and go with him. Although I'm a good teacher, there is additional education I need to pursue, and I have worked with my department chair on a five-year plan that includes some study abroad. I hope to teach at a community college in the future, but what if I'm not hired close to where Andrew works? How do I deal with all this? -- MESSED UP MAN IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MESSED UP MAN: You recognize that some challenges lie ahead for you and Andrew if you are both going to live your dreams and achieve your full potential. You say you have worked out a five-year plan that includes study abroad. In a year or two, it could have been Andrew writing me about the same insecurities you are feeling.

Separation doesn't have to mean the end of your relationship if you are both determined not to let it. You owe it to yourselves to have a little faith, give it a try, and "what will be will be."

DEAR ABBY: Another birthday is coming up for one of my grandchildren and there is absolutely nothing we can think of that she doesn't already have five of. We are simple people but love our grandchildren and would like to get them something original once in a while. Our kids buy them everything they want in every color and style. Our grandkids have clothes they wear once and toys that are still in the packages. Spending time would be a good idea except that they want to be entertained at expensive attractions and are bored with just spending time together.

We want to be part of their lives, but we don't have a clue as to how to do it. Can you help? -- OUT OF IDEAS IN FLORIDA

DEAR OUT OF IDEAS: I'll try. Is there anything that you can MAKE for your grandchildren that cannot be found in a store -- perhaps something from your oven? Many grandchildren have fond memories of Grandma's brownies, chocolate chip cookies, apple cake, etc. If the answer is yes, then bring -- or send -- a package to your grandchildren.

I say this because my grandmother, Rose Phillips, used to have the most wonderful brownies (with powdered sugar on top!) on her kitchen counter when our family would come to visit. If she had sent me a box as a gift, I would have been delighted.

Something like this is a gift that only you can give. It's something special and it won't break the bank.

DEAR ABBY: I recently retired, but I haven't told anyone. I receive widow's benefits, so I'm comfortable financially. I like my privacy, and I'm afraid things will change if I tell people about my retirement. My father is dying of cancer.

My best friend says if I were her sister, she'd be mad at me. My sister lives a mile away and I don't want her dropping in on me. If she knew, she'd include me in everything she does. I feel this is my life and I want to enjoy it alone for the most part. Am I wrong? Am I hurting anyone?

I was widowed 20 years ago and have had no serious relationships since. I'm independent, attractive and have joined a few dating sites, but I'm picky and have not met a man who attracts me. I'm 66, in good health and look younger. Am I being selfish? Do you have any advice for me? -- LONER LADY OUT WEST

DEAR LONER LADY: If your sister has shouldered the responsibility of caring for your dying father by herself, thinking you are too busy working to help, then she would have every reason to be very angry. Even if that's not the case, her feelings will be hurt when she finds out -- and she will -- that you're avoiding her.

If she didn't love you, she wouldn't want to include you in her life. All you need to do is say no to her invitation if the activity isn't your cup of tea. And surely, you can find a tactful way to ask any drop-in visitor to make plans with you ahead of time instead of dropping in.

You say you want to enjoy your life alone for the most part, but you have joined dating sites. In this life, people have to give in order to get. It may be the attitude you're projecting that's keeping you from meeting men on those dating sites. And yes, I think you are selfish.

DEAR ABBY: My son is getting married next year. My future daughter-in-law is demanding that I (mother of the groom) wear a strapless green dress. The bride is also wearing green.

I am over 40 and no longer have a 20-something body, and I'm extremely uncomfortable wearing a dress where all my imperfections hang out and wobble for the world to see. She has informed me that if I don't wear the dress of her choice, I should just stay home.

Everyone I have talked to has told me to pick the style and color dress I prefer. If I show up in a dress that isn't green, I'm pretty sure it will create a scene and I'll be asked to leave.

I don't know what to do! Do I cave and wear what she asked of me, or wear what I want and face the wrath of Bridezilla? -- SEEING GREEN IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SEEING GREEN: Your son's fiancee appears to be rude, self-centered and insensitive (to put it mildly). That she would actually force you to choose between an outfit that makes you feel overexposed and not attending your son's wedding is shocking. Does your son know about this, and what does he think about it?

Talk to her once more. Tell her that while you have no objection to wearing something green, you do not intend to wear anything strapless -- and if she really means that if you don't comply you won't be welcome at the wedding, you will not be there. Let's hope it brings her to her senses because if it doesn't, I doubt you'll be seeing much of her and your son anyway.