DEAR ABBY: I am a grandmother and great-grandmother who is concerned about the behavior of my grandson toward his 7-year-old daughter, "Beth," and her 9-year-old cousin, "Mandy." When Mandy recently visited me, she told me her uncle crept up behind her, put his hand over her mouth and then held her nose so she couldn't breathe. She said he has done that to Beth, too.

Mandy said he held her like that until she felt faint and then let go, laughing. Apparently he does this "all in fun," but I see nothing funny about it. What would make someone do something like this? Mandy told me Beth is afraid of her dad and doesn't want to be left alone with him. I'm very concerned, but I live several states away and don't know what I can do. -- NOT FUNNY

DEAR NOT FUNNY: Your grandson has a bizarre sense of humor. That he would smother anyone -- let alone a child -- to the point of fainting is sadistic, bullying, abusive behavior.

Talk to the child's mother to see how she feels about this. If he would do this to a child, one can only imagine what he may be doing to her. She is the person to put a stop to this. If she can't manage that, then any child in the home should be living elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the father of three beautiful, healthy children, with another due very soon. My wife is 36 weeks pregnant, and so far, so good. My wife is, well, perfect. We are not newlyweds and we have seen highs and lows, but she's the greatest mother I could have asked for my children.

The problem? She wants to induce her labor early. She figures the baby is healthy enough and just gaining weight from here on (her OB/GYN agrees). I know she has done enough and I want to support her decision, but I can't help thinking our baby girl will come when she is ready. I don't want to cause any ripples this late in the game. I just feel I'm on thin ice here and in the minority. I don't want to drag my mom into this to prove a point! -- EMOTIONAL DAD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR EMOTIONAL: If your wife's OB/GYN agrees that inducing your wife's labor early will not be harmful to the baby, and that's what your wife wants, then you are outvoted. While you might request a second medical opinion, I strongly advise against dragging your mother into this disagreement because if you do, it will cause resentment not only against you, but also your mother.

DEAR ABBY: I have a granddaughter who is getting married soon. If I give the couple money as a wedding gift, whose name should go on the check first, the bride's or the groom's? -- GRANDPA IN IOWA

DEAR GRANDPA: If your granddaughter and her fiance intend to have separate checking accounts, put her name on the check. However, if they will be opening a joint account after the wedding, it would make sense to put both of their names on it, and the order in which you list the names is whichever you prefer.

DEAR ABBY: My beloved father passed away three years ago. One of my older sisters moved in with Mom to help take care of her and be her companion. My sister has a boyfriend my father absolutely disliked, and the rest of our family doesn't like him either.

My issue (and I'm not the only family member who feels this way) is that when her boyfriend is at the house, he sits in Dad's chair. It's hard enough not seeing Dad there anymore, but seeing the boyfriend sitting there is offensive. Am I wrong for feeling this way? If there is a way, how could I or my family approach the subject with my sister or her boyfriend? -- DADDY'S GONE NOW

DEAR DADDY'S GONE NOW: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your obviously much-loved father. But the boyfriend may be using Dad's chair because no one else is using it, and it is comfortable and available.

As I see it, you and your other siblings have two choices: Either speak to the boyfriend and tell him -- nicely -- that seeing him occupy your father's special chair is painful for all of you, or replace the chair with one that has less sentimental value.

DEAR ABBY: Some time ago I was descending an escalator when a suitcase belonging to the woman ahead of me got stuck. She had put the bag in front of her, and the wheels had caught on one of the steps. When she reached the bottom of the escalator, she fell over her suitcase, and then I fell over her. I scrambled on my hands and knees as fast as I could to get out of the way of the dozens of people behind us, visualizing a pileup and injuries.

Fortunately, an attendant quickly grabbed the suitcase, and no one was hurt. As he did he said, "NEVER put a suitcase ahead of you on an escalator! Always carry it behind you so you can control it!" I hope this letter will save others from what could be a dangerous situation. -- AVOIDED A PILEUP IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR AVOIDED: Whoa! So do I. Thank you for the warning.

DEAR ABBY: Recently my wife was out for some training all day on a Saturday. Our 11-year-old daughter had been invited to a birthday party on the same day, so I was to drop her off. My wife and daughter told me the birthday party "might or might not" be a sleepover party. My daughter would inform me at the end of the party if she were spending the night.

I wanted to know at the time I dropped her off whether she was going to be sleeping over. My wife claimed I "didn't need" to know. She accused me of being unreasonable, and said it was OK for me to find out at the end of the party. I don't mean to be picky, but as a dad was I being unreasonable? -- RESPONSIBLE PARENT IN OREGON

DEAR PARENT: No. As the parent responsible for your daughter that day, you had every right to know what the plans would be so you could plan your own evening. When the invitation was issued, that information should have been conveyed so your daughter would be prepared and take along her pajamas and toothbrush.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and his sister had a rough childhood in foster care. Long story short, they lost contact for 10 years -- until now. She found us on Facebook and was desperate to know if she had found her brother or not. My husband ignored her. He isn't sure he ever wants to rebuild a relationship with her.

I know that's his decision to make, and if he doesn't want her in his life, that's fine. But I couldn't live with myself if I ignored her, too. I just wanted her to know she could stop looking and wondering if her brother is still alive. So I told her. She was grateful to have some closure and know that he is doing well, and she reassured me that she wouldn't contact him again unless he reaches out to her. Even if they never talk again, I think she deserved to know she had found him.

Now I feel guilty for going behind his back and meddling in things that aren't my business. But I can't imagine spending my whole life searching for a family member, when someone could have been honest with me and given me peace of mind. Did I make a terrible mistake, and should I come clean to my husband about what I did? -- FEELING GUILTY IN GEORGIA

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: You failed to mention the reason for your husband's ambivalence about re-establishing a relationship with his sister. Now that she has found you on Facebook, she can follow his whole life, unless you block her. Whether you made a terrible mistake remains to be seen. If the sister contacts your husband again, you will have to tell him what you did. He may have wanted to protect his privacy. As long as she doesn't, I think you should keep your mouth shut.

DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old daughter has just finished school. She now wants to take a gap year and work to save enough to travel overseas. The problem is, she's so eager to get away from home that she wants to move to another city to work.

I have advised her that staying home and working will allow her to save more to travel, and she would have to pay for her food, accommodation and transportation, and would have little left over to save to travel. She got upset with me and could not understand why I wouldn't want to pay her rent or support her. Am I being unreasonable saying that she should pay her own way if she moves out of the home? -- MOM IN JOHANNESBURG, SOUTH AFRICA

DEAR MOM: If anyone thinks that an attitude of entitlement is strictly a problem in the United States, your letter should banish that notion. What you told your daughter makes perfect sense. If she wants independence, she should be prepared to accept the responsibility for living that way.

I would, however, encourage you to continue the dialogue with her so you can understand why she feels the need to live apart from you, on the chance that a compromise might be possible. I'm sure it would be enlightening.