DEAR ABBY: I'm a man in my mid-30s who has recently recognized a pattern in my romantic relationships. A few of them lasted for several years, before they ended for various reasons. In between, I've gone a couple of years before seeking out and starting a new relationship. In the in-between time, I go online and meet people I have no intention of meeting in "real life," but who provide conversation and intimacy while I enjoy single life.

I'm about to repeat the pattern again. I'm a few months out of a three-year relationship and have met someone online. It's great to chat online and over the phone, but we are not close geographically, and I have no intention of meeting in person. What's your insight on this, and do you think this is healthy for me? Any ideas you can offer regarding this pattern? -- NEW RELATIONSHIPS

DEAR NEW: I wish you had told me more about the circumstances of your breakups. Were they your idea or the other person's? If they weren't your idea, you may be using the in-between relationships as a safe form of entertainment while you are healing.

If you are upfront with the people you're meeting online, and they realize you have no intention of letting these friendships go anywhere, then I suppose they are healthy for all concerned. If not, then what you are doing shows not only a lack of character, but also a lack of sensitivity for the feelings of others, and it may be one of the reasons your long-term relationships aren't lasting.

DEAR ABBY: My grandmother gets on my case all the time because I don't clean the bathroom every day. She grew up in the '50s and '60s and was a stay-at-home mom to two boys. However, I am a graduate student with a part-time job. I spend hours studying, and when I get some free time, I use it to do things I actually want to do.

My grandmother insists that everyone she knows/knew cleans their house every day, and when she talks about cleaning the bathroom, she doesn't mean just picking things up; she means spraying down all surfaces and getting out the bleach or foam spray to clean down the bathtub. I don't think she understands that no one I know -- at least my age -- cleans their house that way every single day, and that because I'm busy most days and often tired, I don't want to come home and clean the whole house.

Am I lazy, or am I right in telling her that I will not deep-clean my bathroom/apartment every day? (I think deep-cleaning every two weeks is fine.) The free time I have is precious. How often is appropriate? -- SOUTHERN MARIE

DEAR SOUTHERN MARIE: If you haven't been able to convince your grandmother by now that your circumstances are different, the chances of it happening are slim to none. Under normal circumstances, deep-cleaning your bathroom once a week is fine and should keep it sparkling. If you're smart, you'll avoid arguing with her about this, because it's a waste of breath.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a beautiful apartment in the perfect location and have been here for three years. This past year my neighbors had a second baby. This child cries constantly during all hours of the night and most of the day. I hear the wailing and the parents yelling and slamming doors when they are frustrated.

I thought as the child got a little older it would get better, but it hasn't. He's now 1 1/2 and still crying constantly. I'm stressed out and losing sleep because of the constant commotion.

In the beginning, the parents were tolerant of their child, and I didn't complain because I didn't want to stress them out. Now I feel stuck. Should I complain directly to them, contact the building manager or just make arrangements to move?

I feel like a terrible person to complain. We must give young children and parents some leeway, but this isn't their first child, and I worry that something more is going on. I love this place, but I cannot continue like this! Please help me. I'm losing my sanity and goodwill toward children. -- LOSING MY SANITY

DEAR LOSING: It's possible that something is wrong with the child. Talk to the building manager, explain the problem, and say that a year and a half of the racket is enough. You may learn that you are not the only tenant bothered by the constant crying and door-slamming.

If the problem can't be corrected, contact a lawyer and check to see if you have grounds to break your lease and get out of there. You have a right to the quiet enjoyment of your home. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: Recently the news has been filled with stories of tragedy and heartache. So many innocent lives have been taken that it has proven to be challenging to process. Although I haven't personally known anyone affected in these events, I feel the weight of grief on my heart.

I know I'm not the only person who is confused about how to manage their emotions after national tragedies. Do you have any suggestions as to what to do during times like these? -- WANTING TO HEAL IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WANTING: Yes. But first, let me suggest what NOT to do. Do not remain glued to your television or computer screen taking in every graphic detail that invariably follows the announcement. Ration the input, and the "poison" will affect you less.

Talk about your feelings with friends and/or family rather than bottling them up and letting them fester. And if it will make you feel less helpless, donate some money to the families who have been affected by these tragedies to help with funeral or other unexpected expenses. While it won't fix their heartache -- or yours -- it will let them know that others care.

If it won't depress you further, participate in community rallies, vigils or other organized events to show support. This, too, can help.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 6-year-old son who is a very compassionate child. My husband's mother lives with us and recently went through an illness from which she recovered. Twice my son tried to give her a necklace he had made from braided yarn to cheer her up. Abby, she not only refused to accept them, but left them on the floor as if she didn't even want to touch them. She has no reason to dislike my son, but she just cannot appreciate the love he was demonstrating.

As Grandma is not likely to change, I wonder how to help him understand that his sweet but childish gifts are just not valuable to some people. If I say nothing, I am concerned it will hurt him more in the long run.

Personally, I love the pictures and letters and gifts he makes for me, and so does my mother, who lives far away. It makes me ache to see his compassionate gifts rejected to his face by a family member he loves. Your thoughts? -- SENSITIVE MOM OF A SENSITIVE BOY

DEAR SENSITIVE MOM: I can only imagine how your son felt when his grandmother rejected his gifts. It appears your mother-in-law is one of those who dwells more on the price of things than on their value.

If your son was disappointed by the woman's reaction, he needs to know that "not everyone appreciates creative art." But assure him that you and your mother definitely do, and that they are not only welcomed, but also treasured.

DEAR ABBY: I have a horrible fear of death, not just my own but especially something happening to my toddler. It stresses me so badly that I have not been away from her for more than two hours in her three years. I'm terrified that something will happen and I won't be there to help her. Because I've done this, she will not let me leave the room, let alone the house. Her daddy gets upset that she cries to be with me.

I lost my friend and both of my parents within a year, and my daughter was born between the deaths of Mom and Dad. Also, I had cancer as a young adult. I don't know if this has contributed to my feelings, but I know I'm making myself crazy, and I don't know how to deal with these thoughts and fears.

I won't leave my child with anyone for fear that they won't protect her like I can. How do I get over this so we can get out and function like a normal family? -- PARALYZED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR PARALYZED: While it's normal for a young child to be dependent upon his or her mother, children also need to know they can trust and depend upon their father to meet their needs. Your daughter has been deprived of this.

Because in addition to having survived a life-threatening illness you have experienced so much loss, you may need the help of a licensed psychotherapist to get over your fear. Your physician or your health insurance provider can refer you to one.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine went out to dinner, and the waitress's fingernails were filthy. She wanted to complain to the manager, but didn't. How should someone deal with a situation like this? -- LAURIE IN NEW YORK

DEAR LAURIE: The appropriate solution would be to bring it to the attention of the manager of the restaurant, because what your friend described could be a health code violation.