DEAR ABBY: I have a good friend I have traveled with for many years. The last few years she has been showing increasing signs of confusion and forgetfulness. She has difficulty managing her paperwork for travel and remembering what our plans are for the next day.

On the most recent trip she picked up other people's coats and insisted they were hers. My attempts to discuss this with her only made things worse and led to her accusing me of destroying her confidence. I believe this is the onset of dementia. How can I help her? -- NOTICING THINGS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NOTICING: You are describing a serious and progressive problem. If your good friend has a spouse, children or siblings, they should be notified about what you have observed.

If she has no one, then someone at Social Services or Adult Protective Services should be contacted before your friend gets herself into serious trouble by forgetting to pay her bills, or getting lost while driving her car.

DEAR ABBY: Have you any suggestions about letting go? A former friend is involved in a New Age sex group. He can no longer hold a casual conversation without expounding on their practices and "theology," as he considers it. My rational self understands that his life is his to do with as he wishes, but my emotional self grieves that he is distancing himself from family and friends.

I know I'm not my brother's keeper, but he was like a brother to me, and I blame myself that I was unable to reach him when this was merely something he was curious about instead of a radical new lifestyle. How do I accept that he's a lost cause and quit worrying about him? -- NOT MY BROTHER'S KEEPER

DEAR NOT: Because you are having trouble accepting that your former friend is a "lost cause," view it as his having taken a different path than you have chosen. If you prefer not to hear about your friend's alternative lifestyle, you should say so.

If he respects your feelings, he will stick to subjects the two of you have in common and quit "expounding." If he can't do that, then recognize that as much as you might wish to, you can't live someone else's life, and then move on because friendships either evolve or they wither.

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old son and I are having a debate and would love your take on the matter. I think if you stand in a grocery store checkout line and read a magazine without buying it that it's stealing. He doesn't agree. What do you say? -- JUST LOOKING

DEAR JUST: If your son is reading the magazine from cover to cover, then I agree he's helping himself to something he's not entitled to. If he is only "sampling" to see if there are enough articles in the magazine that he thinks it's worth buying, I wouldn't call it theft. Using your yardstick, judging from the number of people I have seen at checkout counters with their noses buried in the tabloids, that would make us a nation of thieves.

DEAR ABBY: My 21-year-old son, "Evan," recently moved out to be with his girlfriend. They live in a small apartment and cannot afford a lot beyond the basics, including internet. They spend every moment at my house when they are not working. They use our internet, eat our food and drink our beverages. I know this may sound terrible, but I want my freedom!

I don't feel I should be obligated to give them free food and internet every day, considering that they show up with new phones and new speakers in their cars. When I try to discuss it with them, they accuse me of being "mean." They don't comprehend why I feel taken advantage of.

If they would come to visit with me instead of just hanging around, I'd welcome it. But neither of them hardly speaks to me while they're here. How do I approach this without making Evan and his girlfriend feel completely unwelcome? -- MOM NEEDING SPACE IN TEXAS

DEAR MOM: Set some boundaries by telling Evan and his girlfriend a version of what you have written to me. Explain that they're welcome to come over once a week or twice a month -- provided they act like good guests while they're there. Then describe for them what that means, including staying off the internet and leaving their new cellphones in the car.

And while you're at it, don't forget to mention that gracious guests occasionally invite their hostess OUT for a bite. That's not being "mean"; it's explaining the facts of life they seem to have missed while becoming the adults they are.

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old granddaughter has always been shy and quiet. Boys at school sometimes approach her to "date." She likes one really sweet boy who is kind of shy like she is. He held her hand for the first time recently (she was wearing gloves) and she freaked out! Now she walks around with her hands in her pockets when she's around him.

Why is she so afraid? She can't relax and just like him. Please tell my daughter and me how to handle this. Does my granddaughter need to see a doctor? -- GRANDMA PEGGY

DEAR GRANDMA PEGGY: The person you should ask about the reason for her extreme reaction after that boy held her hand is your granddaughter. She is either not ready to have a relationship with a boy -- not all teens mature at the same rate -- or she may not be as into the young man as you think she is.

If she's comfortable the way she is, don't push her. If she indicates to you that she's unhappy, THAT's the time to enlist the help of a doctor or licensed mental health professional.

DEAR ABBY: Should I be offended that my in-laws set up a college savings fund for my children but didn't allow me -- only my wife -- to be an authorized signer on the accounts? I am grateful, but I also feel slighted. Am I wrong to feel the way I do about this situation? -- LEFT OUT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LEFT OUT: Right or wrong, your feelings are your feelings. If you want to know whether they are valid, while you are thanking them for their generosity, ask your in-laws why they arranged the fund that way.

DEAR ABBY: I have fought obesity all of my adult life, and my weight has yo-yoed over the years. My problem is, when I go to the doctor's office and I am taken to the exam area, the scale is right out in the open where other patients come and go as well as all the office personnel.

Mind you, I don't care if I am weighed in the presence of people walking around -- if they don't peek. However, when the medical assistant is done weighing me, she reads the scale out loud. I have felt humiliated when other patients are walking past. I have put up with this for years.

Recently, this medical assistant weighed me and I just knew she was going to "announce" my weight. This time there was a man I could tell was a patient, standing nearby at the reception window staring intently at me getting weighed. Because I was sure the M.A. was going to say it out loud, I started to cough to try to muffle the sound of her voice. It worked, but then she acted irritated because of my coughing, so she repeated it loudly. I was very embarrassed, to say the least. When the doctor saw me, I was afraid to say anything as I didn't want to get anybody in trouble.

I graduated from a medical assistant school many years ago and I remember the registered nurse who was our instructor taught us to never say out loud somebody's weight when you weigh him or her. It only makes common sense. I no longer want to go back to that doctor's office.

Do you have any advice for me when this happens again? I say again because it happens at other doctor's offices I visit as well. I am at a loss here. I would appreciate your input. -- STILL STINGING IN NEVADA

DEAR STILL STINGING: The first time it happened, you should have quietly mentioned to the medical assistant that she embarrassed you, and asked her please not to do it again. When it happened a second time, you should have spoken to the doctor about it. You are far from the only person who is sensitive about weight. If I were that physician, I'd certainly want to know why patients were disappearing from my practice. Wouldn't you?

DEAR ABBY: I do a lot of home canning, and last year our farm was very profitable. I canned more than 300 jars of jellies, juices, apple sauce and soups. I gave many of these away as gifts.

My dilemma is, most of the time no one gives me the jars back. Canning jars are the most expensive part of canning. Would you please help me get the word out to return the jars when they are empty? -- DEBBIE IN DERBY, N.Y.

DEAR DEBBIE: I'm glad to put out the word. But don't you think it would be more effective if you simply asked that the jars be returned if the recipients want to continue receiving these generous gifts from you? Attaching a "Please return to (blank)" label might help.