DEAR ABBY: I'm writing about your answer to "An International Educator" (Dec. 27), who asked about translators at parent-teacher conferences. Your answer was only partially correct.

I am a professional interpreter and translator. First I should note that translators do written work; interpreters speak aloud. Different skills are involved, which is why there are different terms.

Second, during interpretation, the interpreter is not considered to be part of the conversation, just a "conduit" through which communication takes place. Persons being interpreted for do not need to look at the interpreter while facilitating their communication.

A professional interpreter will interpret everything that is said; for example, they will not leave out curse words or "filter" or embellish anything. They also try to approximate the same voice tone.

I should also note that professional interpreters are bound by privacy codes much like doctors and nurses. We are not allowed to divulge any information we have learned from our interpretation jobs. Another thing to realize is that a professional interpreter (or translator) will be completely neutral, regardless of who hired him/her or with which party he/she enters the room.

If someone is using a non-professional interpreter, a person who just happens to know both languages but has not had the training to be an interpreter, he/she may not adhere to these privacy or conduct codes, and their interpretations may not be of the best quality. Just knowing two languages does not guarantee that someone is capable of doing accurate interpretations (the same goes for translations). -- ONE WHO KNOWS IN KANSAS

DEAR O.W.K.: Thank you for clarifying the difference between the two terms. You were one of many readers who wrote to explain it, and I'm glad you did.

DEAR ABBY: Please tell your readers that even though gay people are more integrated into our lives, it does not provide an open invitation to pry into anyone's sexual practices. I have been asked many times about the physical mechanics of my relationship, although I would never consider requesting such information from my heterosexual friends, neighbors or co-workers.

I think the bottom line should be: Keep your noses out of your friends' bedrooms and everything will be just fine. I am a gay 49-year-old man in Texas and honestly would never dream of asking any couple -- straight or gay -- what they do when they are alone. It bothers me that some people think being accepted means I welcome these kinds of questions. -- MYOB IN AUSTIN

DEAR MYOB: There is no end to the nosy and intrusive questions people with poor judgment will ask. However, there is a standard response that may resolve your problem if you say it with a smile. It's, "If you'll forgive me for not answering that question, I'll forgive you for asking!"

DEAR ABBY: I am in a happy relationship with a wonderful man. Our life is great together and I wouldn't want it any other way. I have one issue, however. I like to look at lesbian porn maybe a few times a week. I don't actually want to be with another woman -- it's just a fantasy of mine.

Is this wrong? Should I tell my boyfriend? I don't know if I'm making too much out of this, or if there are other women out there who are in the same situation. -- CURIOUS IN TEXAS

DEAR CURIOUS: Books have been written about the many varied sexual fantasies women have. Yours is not unusual, and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. Nothing compels you to share your fantasy with your boyfriend unless you feel a need to. (But if you do, don't be shocked if he finds it a turn-on, because many men also fantasize about women having sex together.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm four months' pregnant by my ex-boyfriend. We ended our relationship six months ago but continued to see each other for sex. He's in the Army and has been diagnosed with depression and PTSD. At first he was my knight in shining armor, but after I moved into his house, he become mentally and physically abusive.

He is now in a new relationship. He changed his phone number and hasn't checked on me or our baby in weeks. I want him to have a relationship with his child, but every time I look at him I see a liar, a manipulator and an abuser who doesn't care about either of us.

How do I get over my feelings and convince him to be in our child's life? Or are my feelings justified and I'm just being a protective mother? -- PROTECTIVE MOTHER

DEAR PROTECTIVE MOTHER: What a sad letter. It would be interesting to know how much of his abusive behavior was a result of his depression and PTSD. But if you think that a mentally and physically abusive man, who has changed his phone number and done his best to get out of touch with you, is a suitable father figure for a child, you are kidding yourself.

You will, however, have a chance to make him live up to his financial responsibilities to the baby if you discuss this with an individual who is in a position to help you -- an attorney. Don't wait; start the conversations now.

DEAR ABBY: When I visited my sister 15 years ago, my brother-in-law tried to rape me. He was drunk and my sister was out with her friends. I have not revealed this to my family or my sister, who is emotionally and financially dependent on him.

My niece is now 20 years old and in college. I feel I should tell her what her dad did to me and warn her to be careful. What do you think? -- NEVER FORGETTING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NEVER FORGETTING: Frankly, I think that if your brother-in-law was going to assault his daughter, it would have happened already, and you should have told your family what he tried to do to you at the time it occurred.

DEAR ABBY: Mom is 61. She lost her husband (my dad) six months ago. They had been married for 37 years. He used to do almost everything for her. Now her world has changed because she must do things for herself -- like doing the dishes or paying the bills.

When we talk, she constantly complains about tasks that have the simplest of solutions. If I offer advice, she gets defensive and says, "Fine! Tell me how I should live my life." I have reached the conclusion that she doesn't want advice, but she continues to complain and be upset. My siblings and I don't live close by. How can we help her? -- CARING DAUGHTER IN COLORADO

DEAR DAUGHTER: Six months ago, your mother lost half of her "self." Tasks that seem ordinary to you are still new to her. Resist the urge to help with advice unless you are specifically asked. And recognize that when she complains, rather than looking for advice, she may be venting about her pain and frustration.

DEAR ABBY: I often see parents "help" their elementary school-age kids violate safety laws. For example, if they are running late, they'll hurry their kids across an intersection against the flashing red hand signal, or jaywalk across the middle of a busy street instead of going to the corner. This saves them about two minutes.

I also see parents watch their kids playing on their skateboards right under a sign that says "No skateboards." These kids are old enough to read and understand the signs and signals.

Sometimes I call out to the parent, "Nice job teaching your kids how to get away with something!" or, "I hope your kids remind you about this when they are teenagers and want to do something stupid!" The parents always ignore me. Can you suggest a better comment I can yell out? -- DON IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DON: What you are witnessing is regrettable. However, my advice is to keep your mouth shut, because you're not going to teach parents like the ones you have described anything with a shout-out.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have an ongoing disagreement. He said I should write to you to see what you thought.

When we're in a group, I say it's rude to make plans that don't include others who are standing with us. He has no problem with it. I'm uncomfortable discussing where to go for dinner with four members of a group when others are standing beside us. He says I am too sensitive and too easily embarrassed. What do you think? -- DISAGREEMENT IN OHIO

DEAR DISAGREEMENT: I don't think that you are too sensitive. While discussing where to go for dinner in front of people who haven't been invited isn't "rude," it is insensitive because they may feel excluded.