DEAR ABBY: I'm in love with my boyfriend, and we're about to move to a huge college town. We've been dating two years and I want him to be my husband, but at the same time I want to live life. I'm not even 21 yet, and I haven't experienced life. I want to go to a bar or club and dance with whomever I want, maybe even have a hookup if it were to come down to it. I have never had a one-night stand and I don't think I would, but if it came down to it -- who knows!

I don't want to hurt him, but I want him to be happy. He's happy with me and I'm happy with him. What do I do? How do I tell him I'd like freedom to be a ho? -- NEED TO EXPERIENCE LIFE

DEAR NEED TO EXPERIENCE LIFE: Explain to your boyfriend exactly the way you have described it to me, and if he is like 99 percent of the men on this planet, your problem will be solved. "Ho-Ho-Ho!"

DEAR ABBY: I'm 48 and the father of a 3-year-old son I love very much. His mother, "Chelsea," is 45. They live with me, although Chelsea and I are not romantically involved. Our son was an "oops" baby, but we chose to live together so we could have him in our daily lives.

Since moving in, Chelsea has decided she's not responsible for any part of the household duties, nor does she have to sustain herself as we had previously agreed. I work full-time, pay all the bills and provide everything. I also do the cooking and cleaning and pay for Chelsea's cigarettes and personal items. She claims she wants to be a stay-at-home mom -- although she is more "stay at home" than "mom." This infuriates me and has led to many arguments.

I have tried reasoning with her and talking rationally; nothing works. It has turned into one shouting match after another. What can I do to set her straight while not putting our son at risk of suffering from all of this fallout? Throwing her out is obviously not the answer. I'm just not sure what is. -- DOING IT ALL IN ARIZONA

DEAR DOING IT ALL: While it would have been nice for your son to be surrounded by two loving parents who get along, that's not how it has turned out. You should not be forced to shoulder as much of the responsibility as you have been saddled with, and living in a house with parents who are at each other's throats is not a healthy environment for a child.

Chelsea appears to be lazy, and I have to wonder about how conscientious a parent she is if she sits around smoking with her child in the house all day. Talk to an attorney about assuming full custody of your son. Because his mother refuses to work, it follows that she's in no position to support him. He is old enough for day care or preschool during the hours you are working.

Then thank God you didn't marry this woman, and tell Chelsea the free ride is over. If she can't abide by the agreement you two had when she moved in, she'll have to move out.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 51-year-old gay male. I have a sweet, dear friend I'll call "Samantha" who is slightly older. The problem is, she wants more than friendship. She insists on spending time with me and calls me daily. She hugs me repeatedly when she goes to leave, and kisses my neck or cheek -- whichever she can get to.

Samantha has touched me in a way that makes me uncomfortable. She places herself so her body touches my hand or arm. When she does, I quickly remove it. She says I remind her of her brother, but I'm not feeling a sibling relationship here. She invites herself over and gets mad if I tell her I have other plans.

I don't think I should have to discuss my orientation with anyone -- including her. It is my personal business. I have never done anything to make Samantha think I have an interest in her. I have spoken to her and made it clear that I'm not interested in a relationship with her. I have told her not to stop by without calling first. If she calls and I don't answer, she still shows up at my door saying she called. What can I do? -- END OF MY ROPE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR END OF YOUR ROPE: You have two choices. Because she is a "dear friend," the first would be to make an exception in Samantha's case and level with her about the fact that you're homosexual and have no interest in a close relationship with any female because you relate better to men. During this truth session you should also say that her demonstrations of affection and apparent need for emotional and physical closeness make you uncomfortable. (It's surprising she hasn't picked up on it by now because of your body language.)

The alternative is to end this friendship without giving her an explanation. Either way, expect Samantha to be hurt and disappointed, but if you explain that being gay is simply part of who you are and has no bearing on her, she may be less so.

DEAR ABBY: The year I graduated from high school I witnessed a horrific car accident that claimed the lives of five of my classmates. Since then, I have been involved in two accidents (I was in the passenger seat both times) and a number of close calls. This has caused me to develop extreme anxiety about driving -- both as the driver and as a passenger.

I work 50 miles from where I live. Every day is stressful because of the drive. Moving is not an option. Is there anything I can do to help my anxiety? -- TOO MANY CLOSE CALLS

DEAR TOO MANY: Treatment for your problem is available. Consult your physician and ask for a referral to a psychologist who specializes in patients who suffer from phobias.

DEAR ABBY: After reading some of your columns concerning abusive, controlling relationships, I realize that I am in one, but not in the way you assume. I am the abuser.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. Most of the time it's great -- we have similar interests, and we're both not afraid to speak our minds, which makes our playful debates fun. Our downfall, which has caused two breakups, is my temper.

I have an explosive, flash temper. When he does something I dislike, such as hang out with a female friend, stay out late drinking, talk about things I find annoying or insensitive, I go on a rampage. I say heartless things, threaten to leave him and do everything in my power to make him feel guilty.

As soon as I get a few minutes to gather my thoughts and cool down, I realize how out of control I have become, and I profusely attempt to apologize and make up for it. But the damage is already done. I have concluded that I am a major part of the problem, and I am desperately trying to change my ways: I think before I speak, assess before I assume, and try to ask polite questions rather than blindly accuse.

I love him, I truly do. Recently he has told me he wants to help me work on my temper and emotional issues in the hope of strengthening our relationship and becoming more serious. But is staying with him really the right thing to do if I only seem to cause him so much grief? -- SORRY IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SORRY: Recognizing that you have a problem was an important first step. Staying with your boyfriend is the right thing to do IF you are willing to get professional help so you can understand why you lose your temper, and gain the tools to control it.

Regardless of whether this relationship leads to marriage, it is crucial that you learn to control your behavior because, if you have children in the future, the inability to do so could be devastating to them. You can't unring the bell.

DEAR ABBY: I want to ask my parents -- my mom, dad, stepmom and stepdad -- if they have planned for their deaths. I know this may seem weird, but after my grandfather died, all of them kept saying how relieved they were that he was able to make all of his own arrangements.

I know funerals are expensive, and since I am an only child and have so many parents, this worries me. How can I bring this up? Can you help? -- LOOKING AHEAD

DEAR LOOKING AHEAD: A way to raise the subject would be to refer to your grandfather's death and the comments your parents made afterward. Then ask what arrangements they have made regarding advance directives for health care, funerals, cremation, etc.

It's always wise to plan ahead and put one's wishes in writing, and if you are an adult, you should also do this. If you have already put your wishes in writing, you could start the conversation by informing them -- and then ask what their plans are.

DEAR READERS: Along with the millions of Americans who are observing this Memorial Day, I would like to add my prayer of thanks to those men and women who sacrificed their lives in service to our country. May they rest in peace.