DEAR ABBY: I am a 65-year-old widow and recently started dating a 66-year-old man. I really like him and enjoy his company. However, one thing about him drives me up a wall. He has long fingernails on both hands. He is neat and tidy and otherwise well groomed. I am quite sure he is not a coke user (which some have suggested could be the reason).

He has told me his hobby is guitar playing, but for that I'd think he would only need a few long nails. I feel I don't know him well enough to ask why he keeps them so long or tell him how much this creeps me out. How would you suggest I bring this up to him? -- DIANNE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR DIANNE: The gentleman's hobby may be guitar playing, but in order for him to form the chords he strums, his nails on one hand would have to be short. I can't think of a nice way to tell someone his nails "creep you out." However, I don't think it would be out of line to ask why he wears his nails as long as he does, and let him explain it to you.

DEAR ABBY: Ever since my bratty stepsister came into the picture, I feel like I get less attention than her. Just because her parents are not together doesn't mean she's so much more special than me that it's OK for her to be mean to me without getting in trouble.

When I yell at her and tell her to stop, she hisses at me like a cat and throws a fit and says she wants to go home. I'm not a psychologist, but I don't think this is normal. What do you think I should do? -- STEPSISTER IN MICHIGAN

DEAR STEPSISTER: For a moment, put yourself in her shoes. Her parents' marriage broke apart, and one of them left and has made a new life with a new family. It's possible that she's afraid you have "replaced her" in that parent's affections. That's a pretty painful thought, and she may blame you even though it is not your fault.

Talk privately to your parents about this. Ask them if they can reassure her so she won't take her hurt feelings out on you. And one more thing: Stop yelling! Yelling only escalates the situation; it doesn't solve anything.

DEAR ABBY: Millions of dollars (and tons of food) are wasted when restaurants serve poor quality food or it hasn't been properly prepared. What is the protocol if you are unhappy with your order? Should you leave it sitting and hope they will ask for a comment? Say nothing and take it home as expensive dog food? Speak up and hope for improvement for the next person? Pay, but don't return again? Now you've wasted your money, they've thrown away the uneaten food, and you're still hungry. Is there a solution for this problem? -- JOYCE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR JOYCE: If you are unhappy with how the food you ordered tastes, call the server over, explain what you think is wrong with it and send it back. A smart restaurant manager will replace it. If it's not the policy at that restaurant, do not return.

DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old daughter, a junior in high school, is still living at home. She has befriended a 51-year-old man at her first job (a burger place). We have told her that although she is kind to be friendly with him at work, we feel it's inappropriate to do things with him outside of work. She's now upset with us and claims we "don't understand," "nothing romantic is going on" and she thinks of him like a "second father."

Although they have not gotten together yet outside of work, she announced last weekend that she was going to meet him for lunch. We put our foot down and told her no way, and she was forbidden to borrow either of our vehicles to go. (She doesn't have her own car yet.) She relented, but how can we convince her that this is a bad idea with the world the way it is nowadays?

I have suggested to her father (with whom my daughter has a close relationship) that he speak to this man one on one. My husband feels this is something she has to learn for herself. She's very naive. What do you think? -- MOM OF A TEEN

DEAR MOM: Frankly, I think your husband is right. While you may wish to protect your daughter, she's an adult now. People learn more life lessons from experience than they do from lectures.

DEAR ABBY: I am 11 years old and having some big bully blues. There is one girl in my class who steals friends. She's been taking mine. Any advice? -- BULLIED IN GEORGIA

DEAR BULLIED: Yes, I do. This may not be bullying in the physical sense, but losing a friend can be painful.

It is important that you realize that people aren't inanimate objects that can be "owned" or "stolen." Much as we might wish it, relationships do not always stay the same. Friendships can be stronger at times and weaker at others, and people sometimes drift from one close friendship to another.

When this happens, regard it as an opportunity, because that's what it is. It's a chance for you to get involved in activities that will expose you to new people and offer you a way to make NEW friends.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine and his wife invited me out to dinner and I graciously thanked them. They are both employed. I live strictly on Social Security and pay 30 percent of my income for rent, barely making ends meet.

I wanted to reciprocate, so I invited them over for a home-cooked meal. My friend came, but his wife is shy and didn't come. (I had a couple of other friends over.)

If someone wants to reciprocate being taken out for dinner, isn't it acceptable to invite them over for a home-cooked meal or must they be taken out? -- TENTATIVE HOST IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR TENTATIVE: No rule of etiquette dictates that you must take your guests out to dinner. Inviting them for a home-cooked meal was both gracious and appropriate.

DEAR ABBY: Americans are at their best when they unite around a noble purpose. On Memorial Day, that purpose is the National Moment of Remembrance. On that day, all Americans are asked to pause wherever they are at 3 p.m. local time to honor our fallen.

In 1971, No Greater Love, a patriotic organization, was founded by a woman named Carmella LaSpada. It initiated the National Moment of Remembrance in 1997, which was later established by Congress in 2000. The Moment is observed by thousands of Americans at Major League Baseball games across the country.

For more than 40 years, the AFL-CIO, North American trade unions, ironworkers, sheet metal, air, rail and transportation workers along with No Greater Love have honored our fallen, our troops, our veterans and their families. Our union members are proud to support the National Moment of Remembrance.

As one nation under God, we should join together to honor those who died for our freedom -- each one an American treasure. -- ERIC DEAN, GENERAL PRESIDENT, INTERNATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF BRIDGE, STRUCTURAL, ORNAMENTAL AND REINFORCING IRON WORKERS

DEAR MR. DEAN: I am aware of the loyal and generous support the unions have given to No Greater Love and the families who have lost beloved family members in wars and military conflicts. For that I thank you.

Readers, it is my sincere hope that you will take a moment from your busy day to join us at 3 p.m. in honoring our fallen military men and women on Memorial Day, Monday, May 30. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My mother died in her sleep last year at our home. She was 97. We cleaned the carpets and repainted the room, removed the hospital bed and replaced it with a brand-new one.

We recently asked some friends to stay overnight at our house, and they called back to ask if they would be staying in the room Mama had died in. We have a second guest room, although it's smaller and so is the bed (full, not a queen). They seemed hesitant.

After the call I found myself feeling offended. I keep thinking that if the shoe was on the other foot, would they shut down a room of their home if someone had died there? We have had other houseguests who didn't mind staying in the room.

These people are supposed to arrive soon. Should we arrange for them to stay at a hotel? -- FEELING OFFENDED

DEAR FEELING: Please don't take their reaction as a personal insult. Many people are squeamish about staying in a room in which someone has died. I see no reason to banish these people to a hotel during their visit. Call them back, offer them the smaller guest room and enjoy their visit.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 77-year-old man. I am not currently involved with a woman, but I have had two marriages and numerous serious affairs. I'd like to know how it became the man's responsibility to put the toilet seat down. Women seem to believe it is written in law, a rule by Emily Post or one of the Ten Commandments. -- FLUSHED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FLUSHED: It's all of the above. And I think I know why you have had two marriages, numerous serious affairs and are not currently involved.