DEAR ABBY: Americans are at their best when they unite around a noble purpose. On Memorial Day, that purpose is the National Moment of Remembrance. On that day, all Americans are asked to pause wherever they are at 3 p.m. local time to honor our fallen.

In 1971, No Greater Love, a patriotic organization, was founded by a woman named Carmella LaSpada. It initiated the National Moment of Remembrance in 1997, which was later established by Congress in 2000. The Moment is observed by thousands of Americans at Major League Baseball games across the country.

For more than 40 years, the AFL-CIO, North American trade unions, ironworkers, sheet metal, air, rail and transportation workers along with No Greater Love have honored our fallen, our troops, our veterans and their families. Our union members are proud to support the National Moment of Remembrance.

As one nation under God, we should join together to honor those who died for our freedom -- each one an American treasure. -- ERIC DEAN, GENERAL PRESIDENT, INTERNATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF BRIDGE, STRUCTURAL, ORNAMENTAL AND REINFORCING IRON WORKERS

DEAR MR. DEAN: I am aware of the loyal and generous support the unions have given to No Greater Love and the families who have lost beloved family members in wars and military conflicts. For that I thank you.

Readers, it is my sincere hope that you will take a moment from your busy day to join us at 3 p.m. in honoring our fallen military men and women on Memorial Day, Monday, May 30. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My mother died in her sleep last year at our home. She was 97. We cleaned the carpets and repainted the room, removed the hospital bed and replaced it with a brand-new one.

We recently asked some friends to stay overnight at our house, and they called back to ask if they would be staying in the room Mama had died in. We have a second guest room, although it's smaller and so is the bed (full, not a queen). They seemed hesitant.

After the call I found myself feeling offended. I keep thinking that if the shoe was on the other foot, would they shut down a room of their home if someone had died there? We have had other houseguests who didn't mind staying in the room.

These people are supposed to arrive soon. Should we arrange for them to stay at a hotel? -- FEELING OFFENDED

DEAR FEELING: Please don't take their reaction as a personal insult. Many people are squeamish about staying in a room in which someone has died. I see no reason to banish these people to a hotel during their visit. Call them back, offer them the smaller guest room and enjoy their visit.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 77-year-old man. I am not currently involved with a woman, but I have had two marriages and numerous serious affairs. I'd like to know how it became the man's responsibility to put the toilet seat down. Women seem to believe it is written in law, a rule by Emily Post or one of the Ten Commandments. -- FLUSHED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FLUSHED: It's all of the above. And I think I know why you have had two marriages, numerous serious affairs and are not currently involved.

DEAR ABBY: We visit my in-laws two or three times a year. During our most recent visit, my kids (ages 12 and 14) were roughhousing with their cousins and accidentally slammed a door, which resulted in a broken frame. Their grandpa had asked them to stop, which they apparently didn't do.

Now, three months later, my in-laws are visiting us, and my mother-in-law is having the kids pay for the frame. When I spoke up and let her know I thought this was inappropriate, she became very upset and said, "Kids these days don't have any consequences," and this is what she and the kids had agreed should happen. I emphasized in front of the kids how important it is to listen, to be accountable for your actions and to see what they could've done to make it up to her.

I'm just not comfortable with her still holding onto this and expecting them to pay for the frame. It seems to me that a conversation about respect and listening is plenty appropriate but, after that, shouldn't my mother-in-law have gracefully let it go? These kids, by the way, get excellent school reports, play instruments and sports, and are considered by most people to be great kids.

Was I wrong to express my opinion that having the kids pay her is inappropriate? If it wasn't, then maybe we shouldn't visit at her home, since it's filled with breakable valuables. I am very frustrated by my controlling mother-in-law. -- UPSET IN MORRO BAY

DEAR UPSET: Your "great kids" ignored their grandfather when he asked them to quit roughhousing, and the result was significant property damage. If they had agreed with their grandmother that there would be restitution -- I assume the same was true of their cousins -- you were wrong to interfere. That you would do this in the presence of your kids was a mistake.

I agree with your mother-in-law that one of the problems in our society today is the lack of accountability or consequences when people do something wrong. I applaud her for sticking to her guns, and you owe her an apology.

DEAR ABBY: I am going to my girlfriend's mother's 60th birthday party. I just found out that her younger sister is pregnant -- unbeknownst to her parents -- and she plans to surprise them the next day on their mom's actual birthdate. The little sister has asked that we not drink at the dinner because she doesn't want to feel left out. This caused an argument between me and my girlfriend because I think her request is silly and kind of selfish.

Is there a rule of etiquette about this? Isn't it weird that someone would ask that you not drink a couple of beers or a glass of wine at a birthday dinner? If I'm on a diet, I don't ask people to eat only salad or to order less around me. I think she should make a "headache/not feeling well" excuse rather than try to limit/control the fun of others. -- SOCIAL DRINKER

DEAR SOCIAL DRINKER: No rule of etiquette covers this. I agree that you shouldn't have to abstain at the celebration if you prefer to indulge. However, the decision should be voluntary and not imposed upon you. Your girlfriend may prefer not to have alcohol that night to support her sister, but that doesn't mean you must.

DEAR ABBY: My mom lives with me and my hubby. Recently I found out that she walks around at night because she hears noises or is restless -- and puts her ear on our bedroom door, too!

I was shocked. I think this is a complete invasion of my privacy, and I was embarrassed to no end. I now avoid getting intimate with my hubby, and he has no idea why.

I have to be sensitive about what I say to Mom because she underwent surgery recently and she has a lot of medical issues. How should I handle this? -- NO NOISE FOR MS. NOSY

DEAR NO NOISE: The first thing you should do is tell your husband why you have been avoiding intimacy. If you don't, he may think it has something to do with him or the way you feel about him, and that's neither true nor fair.

Your mother's wandering around at night may be nosiness, or it could be insomnia or other medical issues. Her inability to sleep should be mentioned to her doctor so the cause can be determined. If you're correct that it's nosiness, then it should be handled firmly -- by you and your husband -- and some other living arrangement for her should be made.

DEAR ABBY: I have read your column since I was a little girl. Now, at 35, I need your advice.

For years, a friend of mine was in love with me. I didn't want to ruin the friendship by getting into a relationship, so I'd brush off his advances.

After six years, I realized he was a good man who would do anything for me, so I decided to go on a date. The date led to marriage, but now, five years later, we are divorced because I realized we were better off as friends rather than spouses.

He was OK with the divorce and moving out because he knew I would be happier, and he wanted me to be happy. Now that he's gone, I am sad that I have lost my friend. I miss the friendship we once had, and I'm heartbroken. It feels like I have suffered a death. Can you please help me? I'm not sure what to do. -- LOST OUT WEST

DEAR LOST: In a sense, you HAVE suffered a death -- the death of your marriage. Give yourself time to grieve.

If you thought that after divorcing your husband you could go back to being friends as though the marriage never happened, you were unrealistic. From his perspective, he has been rejected on a very basic level. In order to get past it, he may need time and distance from you. That's understandable.

In the meantime, stay busy with friends and projects because that will give you less time to brood. If you're not exercising, start now. Regular exercise can help to lessen depression. However, if your sadness persists, discuss it with a licensed psychotherapist so it doesn't become chronic.