DEAR ABBY: I recently received a very competitive internship in New York. I'm excited and can't wait to go. I have never been to New York, and my mom is driving me crazy over it.

She's using my internship as an excuse to go on vacation to "see me," even though I have told her multiple times that I won't be able to do anything with her because I'll be working full time. She doesn't have a car and expects to use mine, and she's constantly sending me information about stuff "we" can do in New York. It is overwhelming, and I'm getting very stressed out.

I just want to go by myself and have my own experience. We don't have that good a relationship. Would it be bad if I asked her not to come? -- STRESSED OUT NEW INTERN

DEAR INTERN: You have already told your mother -- with whom you do not have a good relationship -- that you will be busy. Repeat that message often. When she sends you literature about things you can do together, point out that your time must be devoted to one thing -- your internship. If she makes reservations to come to New York, tell her you would prefer that she not come until your internship is finished, unless she's prepared to do all of the activities she's planning on her own.

DEAR ABBY: I am 24 and still a virgin. For the past 10 years I have had a vaginal infection. I'm scared that I can't have children. Because of this I have never allowed myself to date.

I'm terrified of going to a doctor. My father died of cancer when I was 17, and the thought of being diagnosed with cancer prevents me from going to get this looked at. I am very depressed about this and the stress is causing my hair to fall out. I need help, but I'm scared. What should I do? -- ANONYMOUS IN SANTA BARBARA, CALIF.

DEAR ANONYMOUS: You MUST see a doctor. If you need moral support, ask a trusted friend or relative to come with you. The only thing worse than dying of cancer would be to die of a disease that could have been cured had it been diagnosed early enough.

Although I am not licensed to practice medicine, allow me to suggest that if what you have is cancer, you would have known by now. That's why I'm urging you to act like the adult you are and talk to a gynecologist.

If you don't know of one or can't afford one, contact Planned Parenthood. It has clinics that provide the help you need. The caring people at Planned Parenthood will help you as they have helped many others, and they'll do it on a sliding payment scale, if necessary. Please let me hear from you again so I'll know you're OK.

DEAR ABBY: What's up with this beard trend? I am sick and tired of looking at unshaven men. It makes them look shaggy and not clean. I think that hairless faces should be the new trend. Let's clean up, please. Do you agree, Abby? -- JOAN IN FLORIDA

DEAR JOAN: As a woman who is married to a man with a beard, I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may incriminate me.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a senior (girl) in high school and have been dating a sophomore even though he's less than a year younger than I am. (I'm very young for my grade.) We have a lot in common and I think we both love each other a lot.

Next fall, I'm planning on going to a local community college, but I won't be too far away. I think my boyfriend has more interest in the military or a vocational career than college, but he's very serious and mature for his age. I know college will be a chance for me to meet new people and I don't want to limit my chances, but if I'm still interested in dating him, would it be "proper"?

I was already hesitant about dating him because he was younger, although I knew if the situation was reversed it wouldn't be a problem. Assuming everything still works out between us, is it OK for a college girl to date a high school boy? I'm not sure how to handle this. I know things may change before fall, but I'm getting anxious about it now. He has already said that he would still like to date me if I want to, so it's basically up to me. -- ANXIOUS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR ANXIOUS: As far as I know, there is no rule forbidding a college freshman continuing to date someone who is still in high school. Because the choice is yours, I suggest you just let this play out.

College will present you with a chance to widen not only your range of interests, but also your circle of acquaintances. You owe it to yourself to take advantage of everything that college offers. If you wish to continue seeing your current boyfriend, do so. However, it would be better for both of you if it is done on a non-exclusive basis for the next few years.

DEAR ABBY: Several times recently when I have invited people to parties or dinners at our home, they have surprised me by responding with not only their regrets but also with a counteroffer. For example: "Sorry, we're busy the evening of the 22nd, but could you have us over the following Thursday?"

How should I respond to this? I'm trying to invite them for a specific event, not open a negotiation. It feels like the subtext is that our schedule is less important than our potential guests' and we should be prepared to entertain them whatever day they have open. On the other hand, this has happened so often I'm starting to wonder if social obligations are now being handled in the same way as business meetings and I should just adjust to it. What's your opinion? -- COUNTEROFFERS IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR COUNTEROFFERS: You should entertain on the schedule that's most convenient for you. If someone has a conflict, you should (sweetly) tell the person you will miss having them. Period.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 15 years has recently begun spending a lot of time with a group of women who socialize away from their husbands. They like to meet without their husbands and party at pick-up nightclubs and swingers' bars. When I asked her about it, her response was, "It's just us girls dancing with each other and having a good time. We dance with each other at the table we're at. We never dance with any of the men who ask us." When I asked why they go to these kinds of places, she said the atmosphere and music are better there.

Abby, I object to this type of partying. We married to be together. She's now accusing me of being jealous and possessive. Am I wrong to want her to stop? I think what she's doing is dangerous. -- PLEASE STOP IN ARIZONA

DEAR PLEASE STOP: No, you're not wrong. Your wife partying regularly at swingers' bars and pick-up joints IS a threat to your marriage. If the shoe were on the other foot and you were the one out drinking and dancing while she sat at home, she'd probably feel the same way you're feeling now, unless you had both agreed on an open relationship.

Spouses who treat each other without consideration for the other's feelings usually wind up divorced, so while there is time to save your marriage, some sessions with a marriage counselor would be a good investment.

DEAR ABBY: My mom died of cancer last year at the young age of 63. (I am 30.) Not one member of my husband's mother's family (other than my MIL and FIL, whom we live with) acknowledged her death in any way. There were no phone calls, no sympathy cards, no "I'm sorry for your loss," NOTHING. My family and I were extremely hurt by their behavior. We feel that some sort of apology or explanation is in order.

Some members of my mother-in-law's family are now nearing death themselves, and I know I will be expected to go along with my husband, in-laws and their extended family to the various services "out of respect." The problem is, my respect for them no longer exists. Any advice? -- DISRESPECTED ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR DISRESPECTED: Yes. If you prefer not to attend, stay home. And if you are asked why you didn't show up, tell them the reason.

DEAR ABBY: A family with young children just moved into the house across the street. They seem like nice people, but one thing concerns me.

Day and night, their 6-year-old son rides his bike all over the street unsupervised, and darts across without looking. Most of the residents on our street drive carefully, but every so often a strange car or two will barrel through. I'm worried that the boy will get hit one of these days.

Should someone go to the parents and tell them their child isn't safe? Or is it nobody's business to scold people on how to raise their children? -- CONCERNED NEIGHBOR

DEAR CONCERNED NEIGHBOR: Go there not to scold but to welcome your new neighbors. And while you're there, warn the parents that some drivers ignore the speed limit while driving down that street, so it's important they stress to their boy the importance of looking both ways when he's on his bike.