DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband has suggested and arranged for a series of spray-tan sessions for my 12-year-old daughter. I feel that telling my preteen girl that she should spray tan is sending her the wrong message, and we should instead be teaching her that she's beautiful just the way she is.

How do you feel about this? Should I allow my 12- year-old daughter to tan? -- TAN OR NOT IN TEXAS

DEAR TAN OR NOT: NO! Your ex-husband may mean well, but unless a product is 100 percent safe, I cannot endorse using it on a minor child. According to Darrell Rigel, M.D., professor of dermatology at New York University, any absorption of DHA -- the main ingredient in spray tans -- can pose a potential risk of genetic mutations, especially in repeated users of the product and those in higher risk groups such as pregnant women and young children. (By the way, salon workers who apply these products repeatedly throughout the workday should also be aware of this.)

For more information about this, visit: abcn.ws/1K0p8x9. The ABC investigative report is a must-read. Frankly, it curled my hair.

DEAR ABBY: I work at an urban high school. Recently there was a campus-wide fundraising campaign during which one of the teachers sold brownies. A student bought all of them for $1 each, then resold them at lunch for $2 apiece for his own profit. My co-workers insist this was wrong, while I feel it was representative of an enterprising spirit.

My co-workers say it was immoral to make money off a fundraising event. I maintain that the charity was already paid for the brownies, and what he did with them after he bought them is immaterial. What do you think? -- WONDERING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WONDERING: Having purchased the brownies, the student could dispose of them as he wished. If other students were willing to spend $2 for $1 brownies, well -- that's capitalism. Perhaps next year the teacher who sold the brownies should raise her rates.

DEAR ABBY: Why do friends ignore a woman after being friends for many years because she is now widowed? I am not the only one who says this. At the senior center they all agree.

I'm willing to pay my way for dinner, concerts, movies, etc. I don't expect anyone to pick up my tab. Still, I am no longer invited to lunch or dinner gatherings.

Someday, these friends may be in my position. They claim to be kind and caring individuals, and I miss them. I have invited them over, but they never reciprocate. What can I do? -- LONELY WIDOW IN FORT MYERS, FLA.

DEAR WIDOW: Unfortunately, there's not much you can do to change the behavior of the people you thought were your friends. However, that doesn't mean you must live in isolation. There are things you can do to lessen the loneliness you're experiencing. Chief among them would be to cultivate new interests and, along with them, new friends.

DEAR ABBY: We have an adult son and daughter who can't handle money and can't keep a job. Should we tell them they are NOT going to inherit everything we have when my wife and I are gone?

We have bailed them out of trouble more than once, but they don't seem to learn. They are in their 30s and 40s and neither one is looking for a job. Anything we left them would soon be squandered, and there are many organizations that could put the money to good use. We would leave them something, but nothing like what they expect. So: Tell them or not? -- PERPLEXED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR PERPLEXED: In the back of my mind is echoing the Boy Scout motto, "Be prepared." You should definitely tell your "children" now, while there's still time for them to get off their posteriors and start preparing for their financial futures.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a gay teen who wants to come out and possibly be in a relationship. Many students at school have come out recently, and everyone seems to be embracing our sexual diversity. However, I suspect that many of the kids who have come out may have done it to seem "cool" and be popular. I'm not trying to denounce them for who they believe they are, but it seems to be the hot thing at the moment to be bisexual or gay because so many mainstream celebrities have come out of the closet.

Because of this, many gay students are being bullied by kids who say they're only doing it for attention and popularity. I don't want to be subjected to the same bullying they are when I really am attracted to the same sex. -- CLOSETED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CLOSETED: If you don't find it safe to come out, my advice is to wait to do it. I find it interesting that your student body is open to accepting gay and bisexual peers, but would accuse some of them of being "secretly straight." What a switch!

Sexual orientation is a personal thing. No two people are identical in that department. According to sex researcher Alfred Kinsey, sexuality can be measured on a scale from zero (which is exclusively straight) to six (exclusively gay) and everyone is on it somewhere. It's not for others to declare where anyone else belongs.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I hang out with a group of six couples ranging in age from 24 to 74. One day, when three of us women went to lunch, I was complaining about the list of things that needed to be fixed in our home. My dear friend came up with a great idea that works very well, and I want to share it.

Once a month a couple will host a party at their home. The wives prepare a covered dish and we all bring any sort of beverage we would like, from tea to soft drinks, beer and wine. The men all get to work on the problem until it's fixed, and then we laugh and eat and drink together. It's so much fun. We call ourselves ... THE "HONEY DEW" GANG

DEAR GANG: I love the concept, which proves not only that "many hands make light work," but also that honeydew is more than a melon.

DEAR ABBY: There is a guy that I kind of like at school, but he's really shy and doesn't really talk to anybody. I have talked to him a couple times, and he's really nice and has good manners. He sits with me and my group every day at lunch, and I see him around school. I say hi to him every time, but I'm not really getting any results. I would really love some guidance. -- SHY TEEN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SHY TEEN: I think you are doing everything you can right now without scaring him off. On the plus side, this boy is comfortable with your group or he wouldn't be having lunch with you. If you all socialize beyond eating together (such as going to school dances or sporting events), make sure he knows he's welcome. If he takes you up on it, it will give you both a chance to get to know each other better, and it may help him to overcome some of his shyness.

DEAR ABBY: My mother is 70. She lives alone and has been diagnosed with mild dementia and hydrocephalus. She has fallen numerous times and hurt herself, can no longer drive and needs help with household tasks.

The problem is, a relative keeps asking her to baby-sit her 5- and 7-year-old sons. The doctor has said in front of Mom that she shouldn't, because the boys will distract her and she'll have a hard time focusing on her balance and getting up.

I have told this relative that Mom shouldn't be watching the kids, but she refuses to listen. (Other relatives say she will be fine if she does.) My mother loves watching these kids and I understand that. But I'm more concerned about her well-being. Not sure what to do about this. Can you help? -- CONCERNED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR CONCERNED: Speak to the doctor and see if he/she will put in writing what was said to you and your mom about not baby-sitting. If you get it in writing, you can share it with the mother of those children and the other relatives.

Frankly, as concerned as I am about your mother losing her balance because she is distracted, I am equally concerned about the welfare of the kids. If your mom should fall and hit her head or break a hip, would they know what to do to help her? And as she becomes more confused, if something like a fire should happen, would she be competent enough to get the children out and call the fire department?

What you have described could be a recipe for disaster, and I am shocked at the irresponsibility of that mother.