DEAR ABBY: I am sometimes invited to friends' birthday parties and, while I enjoy the celebration, I have one hang-up. When it's time to blow out the candles, sometimes my friends will blow real hard or even need more than one breath. (We're not exactly spring chickens.) To me, this is the equivalent of spitting all over the cake, and I can't bring myself to eat any after this display.

What is a "nice" way of saying, "I don't want any cake," without falling back on the old, "I'm trying to lose weight," especially since other snacks and drinks are also being served? I don't want to be a ... PARTY POOPER

DEAR PARTY POOPER: Your distaste is shared by many people. An effective way to handle the problem would be to mention your "quirk" to your friends long before their birthdays roll around. You could also set an example when your birthday arrives by serving cupcakes instead of a large one to your guests. Many people avoid the problem in this way -- and the portions are perfect.

DEAR ABBY: My handsome, intelligent, physically fit husband looks much younger than his age. But he is vain and won't get hearing aids. Because he can't hear, he stands looking at people with a faraway expression on his face that makes him appear like he has dementia. It takes him a while to process the spoken word, and then sometimes he gets it wrong. He has gotten angry with me because he couldn't understand something I was saying.

Any tips for me and others on how to deal with this? I'm ready to quit trying to have a conversation with him. He could easily afford to buy hearing aids. -- END OF MY ROPE IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR END: What's going on is not only not good for your relationship with your husband, but also extremely isolating for him. I do have a suggestion for you: Discuss your concerns with your family physician. Perhaps if the doctor suggests he have his hearing checked by an audiologist, your husband will be less likely to tune the message out. Advances in hearing aids are being made all the time, and some of them fit into the ear canal and are hard to detect.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to give a wedding gift to a friend's son who is being married soon. We were not invited to the wedding. Is this OK? -- NOT INVITED IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR NOT INVITED: Not only would it be OK to give the happy couple a gift as a token of your good wishes, but it is generous of you to want to under the circumstances.

DEAR READERS: Today I am wishing a very happy Mother's Day to moms everywhere -- birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, stepmothers and grandmothers who are raising grandchildren. My heartfelt applause to you all for what you do every day. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I need help developing a response to a very rude question. My daughter recently turned 13. It seems that every time we go to a gathering and the moms get together talking, someone will ask me if my daughter has gotten her period yet.

It isn't even a question from people I'm close with or who really know my daughter. She would be mortified if she knew that people fixated on it. What is a good way to reply that it is none of their business without seeming rude? -- OFFENDED IN N.Y.C.

DEAR OFFENDED: My goodness, what a question. And from someone who is only an acquaintance. If the person is someone I don't know well, I would reply, "That's a personal, private matter between my daughter and me." Or, if I was feeling mischievous, I might smile and say, "She hasn't had one for the last four months and it's beginning to worry me." (Just kidding.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old piano student. My piano teacher is a wonderful person and I enjoy taking lessons from her, but there is one problem: She is always late.

Usually it's 15 to 20 minutes, but other times I might be kept waiting for an hour or more. She also switches my lesson because of her busy schedule, which means I have to forgo many activities at the last minute. I have never missed anything important, but still, I am annoyed when I have to miss something I was looking forward to for a piano lesson.

I'm not sure what to do. How should I tell her to start coming on time? I really don't want to find another teacher, but this is very annoying. -- FRUSTRATED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I don't blame you for being annoyed. Before your next lesson, talk with the woman and tell her how you feel about her inability to stay on schedule. She isn't your "friend"; she is paid for these sessions. An occasional 15-minute wait is understandable; making someone wait an hour or more is inconsiderate and disrespectful. If she can't do better than this, you might be happier if you found another teacher, and she might be happier because she'll be less overscheduled.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a gay man in my early 60s. I have been fortunate to live pretty openly, despite being stuck in a small, conservative Southern town. Many guys I have gotten to know over the years are not so lucky, due to being married, afraid for their careers, etc. As a result, many of them lead double lives with their true orientation known only to other gays.

When one of these acquaintances passes away, should I attend the funeral services to pay my respects, even though I might not have known anyone else in the family? Or should I stay away to keep tongues from wagging and asking, "How did Sam know THAT GUY?" -- CIRCUMSPECT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CIRCUMSPECT: Not everyone who attends a funeral is an intimate friend of the deceased. Some of them are people who knew the person from a distance and admired what he or she accomplished in life. If you feel the need to go to the funeral, by all means do. But have an answer prepared in case you are asked questions because "How did you know Bob?" is a common and innocent one.