DEAR ABBY: I'm a gay man in my early 60s. I have been fortunate to live pretty openly, despite being stuck in a small, conservative Southern town. Many guys I have gotten to know over the years are not so lucky, due to being married, afraid for their careers, etc. As a result, many of them lead double lives with their true orientation known only to other gays.

When one of these acquaintances passes away, should I attend the funeral services to pay my respects, even though I might not have known anyone else in the family? Or should I stay away to keep tongues from wagging and asking, "How did Sam know THAT GUY?" -- CIRCUMSPECT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CIRCUMSPECT: Not everyone who attends a funeral is an intimate friend of the deceased. Some of them are people who knew the person from a distance and admired what he or she accomplished in life. If you feel the need to go to the funeral, by all means do. But have an answer prepared in case you are asked questions because "How did you know Bob?" is a common and innocent one.

DEAR ABBY: A couple of months after moving in with my boyfriend, I have realized that his mattress is not a good fit for me. He says that it's 12 years old and it still has 10 to 15 years left in it.

Every day I wake up with an aching, stiff back. I have a job that keeps me standing all day, so my back pain is starting to affect my performance. I like living with him, but how can I get him to replace the mattress? It seems he has chosen the mattress over me, so I guess I'll start sleeping on the floor. -- SLEEPY IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR SLEEPY: According to the website of one of the top mattress manufacturers, the average lifespan of a quality mattress is between eight and 10 years. Mattresses older than that can suffer from deteriorating comfort features and diminished support capabilities.

Many consumers wait too long to replace their mattresses. If you wake up in the morning not feeling refreshed and rejuvenated, or feeling pain or discomfort, then it's time to replace this one. So talk with your boyfriend again. If he's not willing to invest in a replacement, suggest buying a firm mattress topper or even splitting the cost for a new mattress.

A restful night's sleep is essential for good health. If you are unable to convince him, then you may have moved in with him too quickly.

DEAR ABBY: My beautiful, kindhearted, loving daughter "Cora" has a "best friend" she used to be very close with. However, her friend now has a boyfriend, so Cora doesn't see her on weekends or receive texts from her very often anymore. Everything they plan to do together, the girl cancels. My daughter is so distraught that it is affecting her emotionally and physically.

Cora has told her friend many times how she feels, but it has made no difference. Her friend promises her things and never follows through. My daughter suffers from social anxiety, so making a good friend is a rarity for her. I tell her I love her and that I'm always here for her, but although Cora sees a therapist, nothing seems to comfort her.

The school she attends stops accepting new students after ninth grade, so there is no chance of her meeting anybody new. We have tried having her join other activities, but they don't last. I'm desperate to help her. Any advice? -- BROKENHEARTED MOM

DEAR MOM: If you haven't already, talk to Cora's therapist. There may be a medication that will help to lessen her intense social anxiety, or she may need a different therapist.

What's going on between your daughter and her former best friend isn't unusual. When romance intervenes, it is common for teenage girls to focus their attention and energy on the boyfriend and less on their girlfriends. Expecting this girl to be your daughter's sole support system is unrealistic and unfair to the girl.

Because it is unlikely that Cora will find new friends in the context of school, continue to find outside activities that will give her something to do as well as contact with other teens. And, if Cora is open to it, you might consider having her volunteer at an animal rescue group or letting her adopt a pet from a shelter.

DEAR ABBY: A friend sent me a sample line of face care products from a company she works for. She included a lip balm I used, and sunscreen that contains a chemical to which I am allergic. I offered to send that sample back.

When I researched the ingredients of the other products, I was dismayed to see that they contain many chemicals, too. (I try to use organic products as much as possible because I have sensitive skin.) Should I return the whole unused sample kit? I obviously can't return the lip balm. Or should I just thank her and keep -- but not use -- them? These are high-end products from Europe, and she has been so "wowed" by them that she has become a consultant and is excited to promote them. -- RETURN TO SENDER?

DEAR R.T.S.?: Talk with your friend and thank her for her generosity, but explain that you are unable to use the products. Ask if she would like the unused products returned to her and take your cue from her. If she has had to pay for the products she's representing, she may be glad to have them back to share with others.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for two years. He shared with me that he was sexually abused by a cousin for years as a child. He told me he has never disclosed it to anyone but me.

My boyfriend says he has come to terms with the abuse and his abuser, but I'm not sure it's true. He became really upset when he spoke about it the one time, and we haven't discussed it since.

I'm afraid to pry, but I think he may need help. His abuser is still present in his life. I'm not sure what's stopping him from seeking help. What do you think I should do? -- ONLY TRYING TO HELP IN OHIO

DEAR ONLY TRYING TO HELP: Your boyfriend may not have discussed what happened because of fear or embarrassment, or because his abuser made him feel it was his fault. When someone is abused for years, that person is the victim of a predator.

Talk to him again about this. I agree that he should consult a mental health professional. Not only would it help him, but because therapists are "mandated reporters," it would also ensure that this cousin doesn't sexually abuse other children.

DEAR ABBY: I had an affair years ago, and I recently confessed to my spouse that our child isn't his. Things are really bad now between the two of us, and I don't think we are going to make it. My question is, do I tell my child the truth? -- IMPERFECT MOM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR IMPERFECT: At some point your child will need to know his or her entire medical history. He or she may also wish to meet the biological father. If your child is young, the news can wait. But if he or she is nearing adulthood, that information could be important in case there are diseases that run in the father's family -- diabetes, heart disease, cancer and Alzheimer's among them.

DEAR ABBY: We often go out to dinner with another couple and have done so for several years. It has become increasingly embarrassing because of the demands they place on the servers.

They always want more butter (and often demand it before the rolls or bread are served), they want more sauce, more gravy, more cheese, more dressing, then more bread, butter, syrup -- basically more of everything. Then they feel compelled to let the server know what was wrong with the meal after we are finished.

How can my wife and I bow out of dinner dates with them without canceling all other social activities we do together? -- DESPERATE AT DINNER

DEAR DESPERATE: I can see how eating with a couple like that could give someone indigestion. You don't have to cut them off completely, just be less and less available for those dinners.