DEAR ABBY: I am 54. My daughter is 25 and married with two kids. Her dad and I have been divorced for almost 10 years. Three years ago, I met a wonderful man. After dating for about a year, we were married. It's been heavenly; I love my life.

My problem is my daughter. She's angry that I remarried. She told me she should be first in my life. She no longer calls me Mom and now calls me by my first name when she talks to me, which isn't often. I am no longer allowed to be around her or my grandchildren.

I am heartbroken. I feel like she expects me to choose between my husband and her. Abby, she is married and has her own family. I was very lonely until I finally found happiness. I don't want to be cut out of her life and I have no intention of leaving my husband. Please tell me what to do. -- HEARTBROKEN IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: For your own emotional well-being, accept that you have an immature, selfish, resentful daughter who is determined to punish you for going on with your life. Much as you might wish to, you can't change another person. You can, however, change yourself by looking straight ahead and toughening up your hide.

That your daughter would punish her children by depriving them of a grandmother who loves them for the reason she has is disgraceful. My advice is to move on, and if you're "stuck," talk about it with a licensed mental health counselor.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are board members of a local club. Yesterday we attended a special board meeting intended to resolve an issue within the club. Prior to the meeting, my wife and I agreed that we were against the proposed action. After much discussion, a voice vote was taken and I ended up casting the only "no" vote.

I feel betrayed because my wife told me one thing and then did the exact opposite. How do I move past this resentment? It's difficult to have a rational discussion with her because she easily becomes angry and emotional. -- DAVID IN FLORIDA

DEAR DAVID: Calmly ask your wife why she changed her vote after having agreed she would vote in sync with you. Then let her explain. And in the future, be prepared ahead of time to vote your conscience without support from her.

DEAR ABBY: I had to pick up two women and the first one was younger. When I picked her up, she got in the back seat so the older woman could sit in front. I thought she should have gotten in the front with me and then, when we got to the other house, got out and let the older woman in front.

Was I wrong to feel uncomfortable that she got in the back seat like I was some kind of chauffeur? It's a petty annoyance, but my husband says what she did was OK. Just curious to see what you think. -- JUDY IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR JUDY: I agree with your husband. By getting in the back seat, your passenger avoided the hassle of trading seats with the second person you were picking up. Logistically, what she did made sense.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and dating this older guy. Everyone is afraid that one day I'll just disappear, but he isn't like that. I know him from when I was younger, and my dad and his dad were really close. People just don't trust me, even though I have told them nothing but the full truth from the start. I'm happy. What should I do? -- MISUNDERSTOOD IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MISUNDERSTOOD: It might help if you ask this young man to talk to your parents about his interest in you. If he is nice, respectful and employed or in school, they may be less suspicious about his intentions.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago we lost a very close friend of mine, not to death but to a relationship. "Ben" is the most genuine, caring and loving person you could ever meet. He and my sister dated for what seemed like forever, but unfortunately it didn't work out. We were all devastated. Still, after their relationship ended, he was around because he had become like a member of our family.

Ben finally met a great woman he cared for. We were all happy he had found someone and maybe he'd finally be the great dad we knew he could be. Our family loved his new girlfriend, and welcomed her to all gatherings as she was an extension of him.

Six months to a year into their relationship, we learned that Ben failed to mention to her that he and my sister had been an item for many years (engaged at one point). When she found out, she demanded that he stop talking to us. We even had a "goodbye" dinner with him.

Ben is now married to his then-girlfriend. I miss him dearly and think about him every week as he was that important to me. He attended all birthdays, graduations, etc., and he has now missed many of them. I always thought he would be the "uncle" my children never had.

Would it be selfish or unfair to him if I approached his wife about letting us back into his life? -- MISS HIM DEARLY

DEAR MISS HIM: I don't think it would be selfish or unfair to Ben, but depending upon the level of his wife's insecurity, it may be unsuccessful. Ben should have been honest with her from the beginning about his connection to your family. That the information was withheld from her may be why she reacted the way she did.

DEAR ABBY: My cousin was hard up and needed a place to stay because where she was wasn't a good place for her. I told her she could stay with us, there was no need for her to pay rent because everything was already covered, and to just help with groceries. Well, she has been here a while now and she not only hasn't pitched in, but also helps herself to our car since she doesn't have one.

You tend to have the best advice. Please tell me what to do, because I'm not sure. -- FAMILY FIRST? IN INDIANA

DEAR F.F.: Have a talk with your cousin and repeat the agreement you had with her before she moved in. Then tell her that if she doesn't start living up to it, she will have to make other living arrangements.

P.S. If you don't want her using your car, don't let her have the keys.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a hypochondriac. I am currently waiting on the biopsy results for a mole I had removed. Right now I'm worried and miserable. I feel guilty for what I'm putting my husband through. I want to get therapy, but doing that feels like admitting I'm too weak to handle my problems myself. My husband thinks he's a bad husband because he can't help me.

This isn't the first time I have worked myself up over a medical condition I may or may not have, and it won't be the last. How can I deal with my fear of dying from something horrible without damaging my relationship with my husband? Can hypochondria be cured? It's starting to take over my life. -- HYPOCHONDRIAC IN THE SOUTH

DEAR HYPOCHONDRIAC: It's a wise person who seeks help for a problem that's ruining the quality of his or her life. You should definitely discuss your fear of dying with a licensed mental health professional. To do that isn't "weak" -- it's the opposite.

DEAR ABBY: My son is getting married in the fall and we're all looking forward to the celebration. There's just one problem. My daughter will be in the wedding and the bridesmaids' dresses are strapless. She will look beautiful in the dress, but she adopted a "hippy lifestyle" a year ago and stopped shaving her armpits.

The bride-to-be asked me how to approach her to request that she remove her armpit hair on the day of the wedding. Is there a tactful way to approach this without offending my daughter and possibly causing bad feelings between her and the bride? -- UNSURE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR UNSURE: I would discourage you from doing that. Although every bride wants her wedding to be "perfect," there's a point at which she must realize there are some things she can't control. An example of where that boundary should be drawn would be at her bridesmaids' armpits. During a formal wedding ceremony, bridesmaids usually keep their arms down, so unless your daughter's "pit hair" is so long she can braid it, it should not distract attention from the bride.

P.S. If hairy armpits in the wedding pictures concern her, they can be Photoshopped off.

DEAR ABBY: My parents built a two-bedroom apartment onto their house for my brother and his wife when they were struggling financially. They decided to move out of state, so my single sister is now in the apartment.

It has been a year, and my brother and his wife are now expecting. They have moved back to the area because they want to raise the baby near family, and want the apartment back. Of course, my sister doesn't want to give it back. I feel she shouldn't have to.

I agree with my sister that my brother gave it up. But my brother feels my single sister doesn't need a two-bedroom apartment. On that point I agree with him. My husband, my parents and I are in the middle. What do you think should be done? -- SQUABBLING SIBLINGS

DEAR "SQUAB": Get out of the middle by stepping away. The apartment belongs to your parents, and it is up to them to decide who gets to use it. The rule of etiquette in a situation like this is: Mouth shut! (The more you involve yourself, the more one of your siblings is sure to resent you.)