life

Admitted Hypochondriac Seeks a Cure for Her Fear of Dying

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 29th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a hypochondriac. I am currently waiting on the biopsy results for a mole I had removed. Right now I'm worried and miserable. I feel guilty for what I'm putting my husband through. I want to get therapy, but doing that feels like admitting I'm too weak to handle my problems myself. My husband thinks he's a bad husband because he can't help me.

This isn't the first time I have worked myself up over a medical condition I may or may not have, and it won't be the last. How can I deal with my fear of dying from something horrible without damaging my relationship with my husband? Can hypochondria be cured? It's starting to take over my life. -- HYPOCHONDRIAC IN THE SOUTH

DEAR HYPOCHONDRIAC: It's a wise person who seeks help for a problem that's ruining the quality of his or her life. You should definitely discuss your fear of dying with a licensed mental health professional. To do that isn't "weak" -- it's the opposite.

Marriage & DivorceHealth & SafetyMental HealthDeath
life

Mom Fears Strapless Dress Could Reveal Too Much of Hirsute Bridesmaid

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 29th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My son is getting married in the fall and we're all looking forward to the celebration. There's just one problem. My daughter will be in the wedding and the bridesmaids' dresses are strapless. She will look beautiful in the dress, but she adopted a "hippy lifestyle" a year ago and stopped shaving her armpits.

The bride-to-be asked me how to approach her to request that she remove her armpit hair on the day of the wedding. Is there a tactful way to approach this without offending my daughter and possibly causing bad feelings between her and the bride? -- UNSURE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR UNSURE: I would discourage you from doing that. Although every bride wants her wedding to be "perfect," there's a point at which she must realize there are some things she can't control. An example of where that boundary should be drawn would be at her bridesmaids' armpits. During a formal wedding ceremony, bridesmaids usually keep their arms down, so unless your daughter's "pit hair" is so long she can braid it, it should not distract attention from the bride.

P.S. If hairy armpits in the wedding pictures concern her, they can be Photoshopped off.

Holidays & CelebrationsEtiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

Siblings Wage Tug-of-War Over Parents' Add-on Apartment

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 29th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My parents built a two-bedroom apartment onto their house for my brother and his wife when they were struggling financially. They decided to move out of state, so my single sister is now in the apartment.

It has been a year, and my brother and his wife are now expecting. They have moved back to the area because they want to raise the baby near family, and want the apartment back. Of course, my sister doesn't want to give it back. I feel she shouldn't have to.

I agree with my sister that my brother gave it up. But my brother feels my single sister doesn't need a two-bedroom apartment. On that point I agree with him. My husband, my parents and I are in the middle. What do you think should be done? -- SQUABBLING SIBLINGS

DEAR "SQUAB": Get out of the middle by stepping away. The apartment belongs to your parents, and it is up to them to decide who gets to use it. The rule of etiquette in a situation like this is: Mouth shut! (The more you involve yourself, the more one of your siblings is sure to resent you.)

Family & ParentingMoney
life

Sister Struggles to Reconcile Love for Brother and Her Faith

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 28th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am very excited to be proposing soon to the man I want to spend my life with. My family is excited for me -- with one exception. My younger sister, whom I want to be my best woman, says she doesn't know if she will be able to participate in our wedding because she's having trouble reconciling that her faith tells her same-sex marriage is a sin. I have explained that it will be a civil ceremony with a judge instead of a religious figure and she says that this "helps," but she still doesn't know if she can be part of it.

I love my sister and I know that if she didn't love me in return, she wouldn't be struggling with this; she just wouldn't participate. She's racking her brain and her Bible trying to find a way to square her faith with her love for me and my soon-to-be fiance.

Despite this, I can't help feeling hurt that she views my relationship as a sin she can't be part of. If she decides she can't stand with me in my wedding, I don't know what to do. If she can't support my marriage, should I ask her to not come to the ceremony? -- WEDDING WOES

DEAR WEDDING WOES: I don't think you should be retaliatory and tell your sister to stay away if she feels her faith doesn't permit her to be a member of your wedding party. If that's the case, she may decide on her own not to attend.

What you should do -- right now -- is decide whom else you would like to stand up with you on this important occasion. Choose someone who has no question about whether you are doing the right thing. I hope your special day will be a happy one and that you will allow no one to blemish it.

Family & ParentingMarriage & DivorceSex & GenderHolidays & Celebrations
life

Girl Is Ready for On-Again Off-Again Boy to Be Off Again

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 28th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I've been on and off again with this boy for about a year now, and he is socially awkward whereas I am not. He is extremely funny and loyal.

I'm 13 and I think he wants to move to the next level of our relationship, and I'm not ready for that. He talks a lot of crap about my friends, too. I feel like I need a break from him. How do I let him know how I feel without sounding rude? -- TEEN IN ALBERTA, CANADA

DEAR TEEN: Be clear in your messages to him. Tell him you don't like the way he talks about your friends, and you don't want to hear him do it again. If he pushes you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, tell him NO and that he should stop immediately. It is not rude to create boundaries for yourself; in fact, it is healthy. It is more important to be forthright than to be polite.

Love & Dating
life

Girlfriend's Business Contact Arouses Man's Suspicion

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 27th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm a divorced man dating a divorcee, "Sylvie," who is eight years younger. I recently learned she had an affair before we met, and it is affecting the way I see her.

The man she had the affair with is still married. I had an affair while I was married, and although I understand how affairs can happen, I don't condone them. It took me several years to forgive myself for the hurt my actions caused.

Sylvie tells me things are over with this man, yet she continues to do business with him. In my mind she ought to find alternative vendors to deal with. We have spoken about it, and she insists no one else in our area carries or represents the product line he offers.

I feel if she truly is over him, then all communication, both personal and professional, should cease. It's not that I don't trust Sylvie, but I believe things might reignite between them in a weak moment. Am I being ridiculous? -- DAZED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR DAZED: You're not being ridiculous, but the truth is you don't completely trust Sylvie when she says the affair is history. For her to sacrifice a necessary business contact because you are insecure would be a mistake. There would be financial consequences, and she has no guarantee that her relationship with you will progress beyond dating.

Marriage & DivorceLove & Dating
life

Slap in the Face May Be First Sign of Abuser

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 27th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of three years slapped me across the face a few nights ago. He has never done that before, and he promised he'd never do it again. After he hit me he immediately apologized, but said I was partly at fault because I had taunted and belittled him. I love him very much and know he would never want to hurt me.

We're both in our 20s and have expressed our devout love for each other. My boyfriend is the sweetest guy and truly makes me a happier person, but I don't know if I can fully trust and be in love with him after he hit me. I feel partly responsible for what happened that night, but I know I didn't deserve to be hit.

Is my boyfriend an abuser? He has been nothing but caring and supportive and shows no other signs of being abusive. What should I do? -- TAKEN ABACK OUT WEST

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Let me point out that abusers do not start out relationships by being that way. But once slapping starts, it often escalates to pushing, hitting and more serious violence. One of the hallmarks of an abuser is blaming the victim by saying he/she deserved it, and it is a big, red warning sign.

Because you have said that your boyfriend has never shown any other signs of being abusive in your three-year relationship, consider this incident an unfortunate one-time occurrence. But keep your eyes wide open in case it wasn't.

Love & DatingAbuseHealth & Safety

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