DEAR ABBY: For the last five months I have been talking to a guy I met via a dating app. We live a few states apart and have yet to meet in person, but we communicate regularly.

With my tax refund this year, I'd like to do something for me. He suggested that I visit him. I don't get any red flags from him, and I'm sure I'd be 100 percent safe while I'm there. However, I'm anxious about taking a trip by myself to visit a guy I've developed a massive crush on.

I have thought about offering to pay his way here instead, or simply not going at all. I asked my friends and family for their opinions. Some of them think I should go, while others say I should pay his way here. I need advice from an outsider's perspective. -- CONFUSED AND CRUSHING

DEAR C AND C: I vote for having your friend come and visit you the first time you meet. That way your family and friends can meet him, and if your massive crush doesn't live up to your expectations, you won't be alone in a strange city and at a disadvantage.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a house with my husband, his 11-year-old son and my husband's father. I am pregnant with my first child and I get cravings for chocolate. I sometimes hide my special chocolates in my armoire so I don't have to worry about my sugar-crazed son getting to them.

However, I have recently found out that he goes through my things to find the goodies and helps himself. I feel he has stepped over the line and violated my privacy. My husband and I have confronted him about it more than once, and each time he lies and argues before he eventually admits it.

We have talked to him about privacy and make sure to give him his privacy in his room. How can we turn his behavior around and make him see that he is being disrespectful toward me? -- PREGNANT CHOCOLATE LOVER

DEAR CHOCOLATE LOVER: There should be consequences for misbehavior, and they should be explained to the boy. He should also understand there will be more severe consequences for lying to cover it up. Because you know the boy cannot be trusted, put a lock on the closet or cupboard where you stow your stash, or on your bedroom door.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been happily married for 38 years. Almost everything is great, except that the wife of his best friend, "Ted," has the hots for my husband. We all get along well, but it's obvious her interest is mostly in my husband, not me.

Ted has no idea his wife feels this way, but several people have pointed it out, and I have observed the way she acts. I have talked to my husband about it. He in no way is interested in her.

I would never want to jeopardize my husband's friendship with Ted, and I enjoy being friends with them both, but I'm uncomfortable about her feelings for my husband. Can I say something to her and let her know how I feel without ruining the friendship with her or the one my husband has with Ted? -- SITUATION IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR SITUATION: Probably not. While it wouldn't change the relationship your husband has with Ted, if you address this with his wife and tell her you know she has been lusting after your husband, it's sure to cause embarrassment. And that's not conducive to a close friendship.

DEAR ABBY: Thirty-five years ago, my wife was raped in her mother's home when she was a teenager. Eight years ago, my daughter was also raped at the age of 11 in the same home. My mother-in-law blames them both for having been raped. She told them if it did happen, they probably deserved it.

I don't understand this. How can someone take the side of the perpetrator and not their own flesh and blood? How can someone who is supposed to be nurturing, loving and caring say such terrible things to her children?

I want to call her up and give her a piece of my mind, especially since both of them are passive when it comes to this woman. Can they file a lawsuit against her for mental anguish? Help! I want to help them heal from this tragedy, and I don't know what to do. -- DISTRAUGHT DAD IN TEXAS

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: It is not unusual for families to circle the wagons when this kind of sexual assault occurs, or to blame the victim. That is why the damage persists from generation to generation. It's clear that your wife's mother is either in denial or without shame.

If the perpetrator isn't in prison or a program for sex offenders, the person you should talk to is a detective in the police force in the city where these sexual assaults happened. If your wife and daughter haven't received counseling for the assaults (and I'm betting they haven't), they should find some now.

The victims didn't "deserve" being assaulted. Counseling may help them get in touch with their anger, aim it where it belongs, and finally release it along with their passivity -- which may really be fear of expressing their emotions.

DEAR ABBY: My wife's first husband died of cancer. When we got engaged years later, she decided to keep his last name (partly in regard to her daughters) and add mine to it. She continues to display some photos of him around the house and maintains her plan to be buried with him at their common gravesite.

Whoever thinks I must be jealous or resentful about this would be wrong. I haven't experienced a long marriage, raising children or nursing a terminally ill spouse for years. Instead of demanding that my wife "prove her love" by ignoring her history, I prove my love for her -- in part -- by deferring to her choices.

Soon after our wedding we learned that I, too, had cancer. My case was treatable and I am now cured, thanks to God in heaven and my wife's tender care.

We once knew someone who couldn't bear to think of his wife's ever marrying after his death. He pleaded, badgered and practically forced her to vow she wouldn't. So this is my message for men who are jealous about a deceased or hypothetical "rival": That is your own choice and it disgraces you. Grow out of it. Be a man and love your wife while you both live. -- LATECOMER IN PASCO, WASH.

DEAR LATECOMER: Your wife is one lucky woman because she married an intelligent and pragmatic man. I hope you enjoy many more happy, healthy years together.

DEAR ABBY: I am a retired widower. After my wife died, my first cousin "Julia" invited me to visit her in Florida over the winter. She's seven years my junior, divorced, lives alone and is a successful Realtor. We had a good time during the two months I was there.

The next summer I invited Julia to my home. We had a great time together, but then she had to return to Florida for business. I visited her last winter and one evening while relaxing and watching a movie, we became intimate. It seemed so natural. After that, I moved from the guest room into hers.

Julia is now contemplating retirement. We are planning for me to sell my home and move in with her. We are not thinking about marriage or commingling our funds and assets. Our legal documents are in order.

Abby, what would you suggest we say to our children, other relatives or anyone else who inquires about our relationship? We have enjoyed each other's company so much. We just want to grow older together. -- KISSING COUSIN

DEAR COUSIN: No announcements are necessary. If you are asked, just smile and say you are both happy, healthy and enjoying each other's company. Eventually, they'll get the picture.

DEAR ABBY: I found my birth parents 18 years ago. I always knew I had an older sister. The parents who adopted me are both gone now. They were great parents.

Now that I have reconnected with my birth mom and siblings, I have a large family -- two sisters and two brothers. I have a great relationship with my baby sister; it's like we're twins. The problem is, the older sister demands to be the center of attention all the time.

I have tried to understand her, but every time we get together we end up mad at each other. It's like she thinks I'm trying to take her place in the family, which I'm not.

I enjoy spending time with my baby sister, but we can't spend much time together because she lives in another state and it's hard for either of us to travel. When I do get to go there, the older one makes it so unpleasant that I don't even want to go. How can I get over this or care less about her crap? Thanks! -- MIDDLE SISTER IN THE WEST

DEAR MIDDLE SISTER: You might care less about your older sister's "attitude" if you understand she behaves that way because she may be feeling threatened. By being nasty she's trying to protect her turf. That you and the younger one have bonded "like twins" makes her feel excluded. Try to resent her less, sympathize more, and make her feel included. However, if that doesn't work, see less of her so she can't ruin the visit.