DEAR ABBY: I have been dating an alcoholic for three years. He recently entered a treatment program because after his last binge he tried to kill himself. He seems to be committed to his program and staying sober.

He has requested that I stay sober with him for at least a year. While I'm fully committed to our relationship and support him, I don't feel that it's fair that I should have to completely forgo drinking because he has a problem. I'm not looking to go out and party every night -- those days are over for me -- but I'd like to enjoy an occasional beer with a friend or a glass of wine with my mom.

When I approached him about my doing so, he became upset. He said if I have this one exception, he believes the exceptions will continue and I will be at his old level of drinking. Do you think his request is reasonable? -- SOBER IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SOBER: That depends upon whether you, too, had an alcohol problem before your boyfriend joined the program and were his drinking buddy. If the answer is yes, I don't think his request is unreasonable. However, your boyfriend may be afraid that if you drink regularly, it may threaten his newfound sobriety. If that's the case, if you love him, you should refrain for a year as he has requested.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have the same argument every year or so. It's about dancing with other people when we're out for the evening. I feel that "grinding" is sexual and that it's inappropriate for someone in a relationship to do it with anyone else.

I made my sentiments clear to her when we first started dating, but it seems that about every year when we are out, she'll start dancing with some guy in a very provocative manner. I'll get unhappy about it, but when I confront her, she gets angry with me and says that it means I don't trust her. I trust that she's not going to go off and sleep with some random guy, but I feel it is wrong because she knows how I feel about it. How can I get her to see it my way? -- PRINCIPLED IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR PRINCIPLED: She already knows it upsets you, so try this. Get up, join her and her partner on the dance floor, and start doing the "sandwich." And make sure that the person in the middle is YOU.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is in poor health, and when his time comes, I would like to have him stuffed. It would be comforting to see him sitting in his favorite chair in the living room. That way I'd always know where he is, plus he wouldn't be asking me for another beer all the time. My kids don't like the idea. What about you, Abby? -- DESERT HOT SPRINGS, CALIF.

DEAR D.H.S.: Grief makes people do strange things. I'm not sure you are thinking this through. Once you are finished grieving, you may meet someone you want to watch a game with and need that chair.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing to ask what's the classy way to handle a touchy situation. My mother-in-law lives with my husband and me because she's financially unable to live on her own. She sometimes goes away on trips and vacations with her church and "boyfriends."

About a month ago, I noticed several items of nice clothing and shoes had gone missing. I asked if anyone had seen them and got a negative reply. Well, I saw some pictures of my mother-in-law from a recent trip that someone had posted online, and she was wearing some of the missing items. She has since returned, but they haven't been returned.

I haven't confronted her about it yet, but I need to figure out how to get my things back without blowing my top. She does this frequently. They usually turn up after about six months, in places I know I didn't put them. How do I put a stop to this once and for all? Please help me! -- UPSET FASHIONISTA

DEAR UPSET: Show your mother-in-law the pictures you spotted and see how she reacts. You didn't mention whether she may be losing her memory and not remember she has taken things or if she's just light-fingered. The way to fix this would be to install a lock on your closet or bedroom door and use it. (You might also want to explore putting her name on a list for low-cost senior housing if any is available in your community.)

DEAR ABBY: May I vent about something? I work for a public library. A customer came up the other day holding a book she was interested in and asked, "Does this smell like cigarette smoke to you?" It did, so I apologized and added it to the box of items to be disposed of.

This happens often. Books are returned by obviously heavy smokers with the pages so saturated with the odor of stale tobacco that they must be set aside to see if it will dissipate. Sometimes they smell better after a day or so, but often we have no choice but to throw perfectly good books away. It's frustrating, because the cost of books, DVDs and other materials adds up. We don't have a policy for charging the offenders.

So, Abby, I hope you will pass along the "hint" to heavy smokers that if they smoke while reading their library books, they're creating extra costs for the library and their fellow taxpayers, and affecting more than just their own health. -- LIBRARY EMPLOYEE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR L.E.: I understand your problem because many years ago there was no rule in the Dear Abby office against smoking on the premises, and several of my mother's assistants were heavy smokers. In those days, readers' questions all arrived via snail mail rather than via the Internet, and I vividly remember my mother complaining that when letters were delivered to her home, the tobacco odor was so strong it made it hard for her to review them.

Readers, out of consideration for others, please take note and try to refrain from smoking when using library books. The writer of this letter isn't exaggerating.

DEAR ABBY: I am a childless stepmom with an enormous desire to be a mother. My husband has two kids and I love them, but he doesn't understand the emptiness I feel inside knowing I'll never have that biological bond of unconditional love with his kids.

I deal with anxiety and sometimes become easily frustrated when the kids stay with us. My husband thinks it's because the kids are "invading my space." I try to tell him it has more to do with the fact that I have this dream of being a whole family, but just as we get into a routine, the kids go back to their mom and we must start all over again.

We have talked about trying to have a baby together, but my husband is skeptical. He thinks it would cause a bigger rift in my relationship with his kids, but I think it would give me something to share with the kids, as well as give me the biological bond of unconditional love I want so deeply.

Do you think a new addition to a blended family would cause more problems than it would solve? -- NEEDS TO BE A MOM

DEAR NEEDS: I define a "blended family" as one that encompasses "yours, mine and ours." What you have is a situation in which you want a child of your own, and your husband is afraid that if you have one, it will distract you from trying to get along better with his kids. What I think is that you and your husband should resolve this with a licensed marriage counselor to help you mediate this major difference in your perspectives -- if that's possible.

DEAR ABBY: I am 55 and have never lived by myself. I married at 19, moving from my parents' house to live with my husband. We divorced a few years later, and I raised my two kids alone. They are in their 30s now. I did remarry and we were together for 23 years before I filed for divorce.

At the beginning of my separation, I moved in with my daughter and grandson, which benefited us both financially. I'm financially stable now, and so is my daughter. I'm ready to move out on my own, but my daughter says that's not fair because she wants to finish college and needs my help to get her through this. I'm proud that she works and goes to college full time.

My sister says I should stay because if I leave, my kids may resent me. It's a hard decision for me, because I want my independence and my own life. I have been a caretaker for as long as I can remember. I want to be my caretaker now -- solo.

Am I wrong to want this? Should I stick around another three years until my daughter is finished with college? Am I selfish to want my own life? -- WANTS MY OWN LIFE

DEAR WANTS: You wrote that you and your daughter are both financially stable at this point. Does she need you to be her resident baby sitter?

At 55, if you want your freedom, and it wouldn't cause a financial burden on your daughter, you should have the freedom to live the life you want. If, after the move, you would like to contribute child care on an as-needed basis, it would be a loving thing to do. But to maintain the status quo out of fear that you will be resented if you leave strikes me as a poor reason for staying.