DEAR ABBY: How do I talk to my husband about putting his dog "Sunny" to sleep? My husband is the most loving, caring, generous person I have ever met, and I don't know how to tell him it's time to let his best friend go.

Sunny is 15 1/2 years old and can barely walk because of bad hips. The poor thing can see only shadows and is almost completely deaf. He has been like this for the last two years and is deteriorating steadily.

I'm trying to be understanding and supportive. I bought reusable diapers when Sunny could no longer control his bowels and bladder. I carry him outside multiple times a day and hold him up so he can urinate without the diaper. I wash him regularly after he soils himself. It is very sad. I keep hoping he will pass on in his sleep so my husband won't have to make the call, but he is still clinging to life.

It is difficult to bring this up with my husband because he knows I'm frustrated with constantly cleaning up pee and poop and washing bedding after there has been an accident. I don't want him to think I want him to put the dog to sleep just because it is difficult. It's just time.

Sunny's quality of life is zero. The only thing he can do is eat and sleep. Is that enough? Am I wrong? What should I say to my husband to put the poor animal out of his misery? -- IT'S TIME, IN RENO

DEAR IT'S TIME: Your husband is doing his best friend no favor by letting him linger this way. What's going on now isn't fair to Sunny or to you. You might point out that dogs were put on this earth to run and play and enjoy their lives, something that Sunny hasn't been able to do for a long time.

Suggest he contact Sunny's veterinarian and talk to him/her about his beloved dog's condition, because I'm pretty sure the vet will agree with me. Then be prepared, because your husband may be so bonded with Sunny that he will need grief counseling after his dog is no more.

DEAR READERS: A group of distinguished psychiatrists, the Group for the Advancement of Psychiatry (GAP), needs help from some of you. They need feedback from gay, bisexual or transgender people, many of whom have experienced conflicts with their faith because of who they are attracted to or their gender identity. Many, while attempting "conversion" treatment, experienced great emotional distress, but never considered consulting a mental health professional because they had been discouraged from doing so by their faith community. Knowing the struggles you have experienced could benefit individuals who need help and haven't gotten it. Your input is important. It will give GAP psychiatrists a broader representation of people than they could get from any other source.

Thank you in advance for taking part in this important study. The Internet address to send your comments is mary.barber@omh.ny.gov. For those who don't have email access, GAP's mailing address is: P.O. Box 570218, Dallas, TX 75357-0218. In the past, readers have been generous in "telling it like it is," and I hope you will continue because your experiences are important. Your participation may help to effect positive changes in the treatment of patients. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My oldest son came to me nine months ago asking my opinion. He wanted to donate sperm to a black lesbian couple (for a fee) so they could have a biracial child. He told me he needed the money. I told him I didn't approve because they are lesbians. (Sorry, I'll be bashed for that statement, but I have to be honest.)

I have a biracial 10-year-old son, so race isn't the issue. Had it been a heterosexual couple of any race, I would have been OK. However, what I told him was that if he gives up his rights to the child, I, too, won't have grandparents' rights. I broke down in tears when he told me all this.

Yesterday I received a picture of a newborn. It turns out my son donated his sperm knowing how I feel about homosexuality. I have tried hard to always be there for my children, letting them know I love them and doing the best a single mother could do for them. I feel I must have failed horribly in bringing him up to be a better man.

I cannot, in our home state, fight for grandparents' rights since he has relinquished his rights. I am even more hurt that he would share a picture of my grandson knowing my opinion, and I feel horribly disrespected. Am I being overly sensitive? Should I just let all of this go? -- DISRESPECTED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR DISRESPECTED: What's done is done. Your son's sperm is his to do with as he wishes. His mistake was in asking your opinion and letting you see the picture. Because of your deep-seated bias against gay couples, I assume you weren't planning on having contact with the baby anyway, because overcoming your intolerance would have been necessary.

Your son is an adult, and your blessing was not required. If you continue to hang onto this, it may destroy your relationship with your son, so let it go.

DEAR ABBY: My husband had an affair and a child with a married woman before we were together. They agreed to let her husband raise the boy as if he were his biological son. I didn't agree with it.

We have a daughter together who is two years younger than the boy. They will be going to the same middle school next year. Our daughter is very sociable and likes meeting new people. I'm afraid that they will meet and be attracted to each other, not knowing they have the same father. Do I say something now, or wait and hope my worst fear does not become reality? -- KEEPING A BIG SECRET

DEAR KEEPING: Say something now. While there is no guarantee they will be attracted to each other, they should be told they have a half-sibling.

DEAR ABBY: My 29-year-old brother died suddenly last month. It was completely unexpected. He left behind a wife and 1-year-old son.

Although they lived across the country, she allowed us to bring him home for his funeral and burial. I took care of a lot of the arrangements on this end, while she took care of things there and made travel arrangements.

At 26, I never expected to be planning a funeral! But it has made me realize how unprepared I was for any unforeseen event. Please remind your young readers that it's never too early to take care of some basic plans, including a will. As a single mother, I know how unprepared I was if something should happen to me. While it's not a pleasant thought, it's tougher on the survivors if nothing is in place. When it comes to mortality, it's better to be practical and prepared. -- STILL GRIEVING, BUT NOW PREPARED

DEAR STILL GRIEVING: Please accept my sympathy for the untimely loss of your brother. I can only imagine how shocking this has been for your family.

Mortality isn't a subject that younger people usually dwell on. But if they want what they have to be distributed according to their wishes, or if there are children involved, it's important to put their wishes in writing regardless of their age.

Readers: This includes what you would or would not like done if you can't speak for yourself. Do you want to be on artificial life support if there is no hope for your recovery? How do you feel about becoming an organ donor? Put it in writing!

I read recently about a young woman whose family learned only after her tragic death that she wanted to be an organ donor. Fortunately, they found out BEFORE the funeral.

DEAR ABBY: "Don" and I have been married for 44 years, and our marriage has had its ups and downs. We are now both retired. The problem is that Don does not get along with our 43-year-old son, "Chris." (He gets along fine with our two daughters.)

Don and Chris have very different personalities and little in common. Chris lives abroad but visits frequently and stays with us. During his most recent visit, his father was distant and rude to him. It has happened before and is hurtful to Chris and to me.

I have tried speaking with my husband about it, but he never has a good reason for his behavior. When my mother heard what happened, she got angry and said if I don't divorce Don, she doesn't want to see either of us again. Please help me. I don't know what to do. -- HURT BADLY IN OREGON

DEAR HURT BADLY: After 40 years of marriage, you should have learned by now not to confide your problems in your mother. That your husband seems incapable of tolerating his son because of "personality differences" is regrettable, but hardly a cause for divorce at this point.

If Chris stayed in a hotel during his visits rather than your home, it would provide less opportunity for confrontation, and you both might enjoy the visits more. I hope you will consider it.