DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. He is applying to graduate school, while I am applying to medical school. He's wonderful and we talk often about marriage and our future. Both of us have student loan debt, which we are aggressively working to pay down, pulling long hours at work.

My problem is, he thinks nothing of planning weeks-long, extravagant vacations for us. I make twice what he does, but I prefer saving for the obvious debt in my future and taking shorter, less-expensive vacations. He relies on his "strategic financial planning" to compensate for his "I want it all, and I want it now" personality.

When I express my hesitancy to go on these long trips based on my personal finances, he offers to pay for everything, which makes me feel like a cheapskate, since I could technically pay for us both easily. Am I unreasonable in saying I'm uncomfortable with either of us spending thousands of dollars that would be better spent setting up our future together? -- VACATION SCROOGE

DEAR SCROOGE: Oh, how I wish you had revealed more information about your boyfriend's "strategic financial planning" because I'm sure many people would be very interested. However, if he's investing in the stock market, he should know that it's like an elevator -- investments not only can go up, but they also can come down, and there are no guarantees regarding investment results.

Before this relationship goes further, I URGE you and your boyfriend to seek not only couples counseling but also financial counseling. Few things are more destructive to a marriage than money woes, and you both need someone to explain exactly what the philosophy of "I want it all, and I want it now" will mean for your future.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having a problem with my boyfriend's friend "Chuck." Chuck constantly does things like open a door on me (which has left bruises), run into me "by accident" (which caused me to trip) or "accidentally" push me into the water. My boyfriend already knows I have strong reservations about his friend's character, and it upsets him because Chuck is a childhood friend.

I don't like to bring it up as often as these incidents occur, but I'm worried that one day I'll finally lose my temper and be accused of making a big deal out of nothing when it's obviously something. How can I make Chuck stop before something happens? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Has it occurred to you that Chuck may be jealous of the time you and his friend spend together, and may be punishing you because he feels you have taken his friend away from him? I suggest this because that's the way he has been acting -- literally trying to "push" you out of the picture. I see nothing wrong with telling your boyfriend about everything Chuck has "accidentally" done to you, and then letting him deal with his friend's insecurities.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 39 and have been married for nine years. Three years into our marriage I got sick and lost a lot of weight. I now turn heads everywhere I go. All except the head I want to turn -- my husband's.

He drives a truck and all he does is talk to and sext larger, unattractive older women. He has gone to counseling and 12-step meetings, and I've told him to get out numerous times. Nothing has helped.

I'm now getting to the point that I feel I can work again. Is it wrong for me to be making an exit plan for when my son from a previous marriage turns 18? -- TURNS THE WRONG HEADS

DEAR TURNS: If I told you it was wrong, would you stop doing it and remain in an unhappy marriage? I doubt it. If your husband is attracted to other women and acting on it, you should absolutely prepare yourself for the day you declare your independence. It's far more sensible than being unprepared.

DEAR ABBY: My brother got married a year ago after dating for less than a year. His wife started calling my parents Mom and Dad from the get-go. I didn't realize how much it would bother me, but it does and, frankly, I resent her for it.

I'm very close to my parents, and I view our bond as sacred. To me, Mom and Dad aren't names you use lightly, to be cute or as a term of endearment. The relationship is earned and unique.

I would never think of calling my husband's parents Mom and Dad, and I don't feel that I'm offending them by not doing so. Is there a proper way to discuss this with my brother and sister-in-law without hurting feelings or creating tension? -- ANNOYED SISTER-IN-LAW

DEAR ANNOYED: Calm down and curb the attitude, because if you say anything you will appear to be jealous and petty. What your sister-in-law is doing is very common. Regardless of what she calls your parents, you are still their daughter and she is not. If they didn't like her calling them Mom and Dad, I'm sure they would let her know they preferred she choose something else.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with a really great guy for five years. He is wonderful to my son and treats him as his own.

The problem is, I don't think I am capable of truly being in love with anyone. I care deeply about him -- as much as I am capable of loving. My question is, would it be unfair to him if I agree to marry him knowing he loves me more than I love him? -- TO MARRY OR NOT TO MARRY

DEAR T.M. OR N.T.M.: I'm not sure many couples love each other equally. More often one loves the other more. If you think you can be a good wife to this man, then marry him. Obviously, you have a high degree of compatibility, or he wouldn't be considering marriage to you.

DEAR ABBY: I find myself sometimes wanting to commit the most heinous of crimes. The desire to do this has been with me my entire life. I was sexually abused by my mother and oldest brother. While that's no excuse, I understand why I may be the way I am.

At 51, I have never committed any act against a young girl, but the desire is clearly there for me. The issue before me is that if I seek help for this problem, those who can provide it are required by law in this state to report me.

How am I to overcome these urges when no matter what I do I am considered guilty? -- ANONYMOUS IN AMERICA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: You should be discussing these feelings with a licensed mental health professional. If fear that you will be arrested is what is holding you back, please be aware that if the urge or feeling is not directed at anyone in particular, a therapist is not required to report what you are confiding. However, if there is a direct threat toward a specific individual, it must be reported, even if it has not yet occurred.

DEAR ABBY: I have attended many events where the national anthem has been sung by an invited guest and many where it has been pre-recorded. When the national anthem is being sung live, is it disrespectful to the performer to sing along? Some people who sing along are off-key or sing so loud they drown out the performance for the unfortunate attendees seated near them. -- AUDREY IN ARIZONA

DEAR AUDREY: Our national anthem is notoriously difficult to sing, as many professionals have discovered to their embarrassment when they tried to perform it publicly. At large events during which the anthem is played, it is not uncommon for many of the audience members to be so filled with patriotic fervor that they join in. If memory serves me, the volume is usually so loud that no one can hear what's coming out of their mouths.

To the best of my knowledge, no rule of etiquette forbids anyone from singing along with Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Garth Brooks or Renee Fleming -- if they have the nerve to try.

DEAR ABBY: I am an old lady, happy I can still get around using a cane. I would like to thank the many people who take the extra time to open a door for me or hold it open longer so I can get through. I am grateful for their help, and being offered a place ahead of them in the checkout line is beyond appreciated. Thank you, thank you.

However, may I offer a suggestion to those helpful folks, often robust men, who want to do more? If I look unsteady, please DO NOT grab me by the arm and try to steer me like an empty bicycle! Instead, hold your arm out for me to lean on and allow me to do the navigating. It may be slow, but with your help, it will be safe. -- CARYL IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR CARYL: That's an excellent suggestion, and one I hope helpful readers of both sexes will pay attention to.