DEAR ABBY: I've been estranged from my three siblings, their spouses and their families for 35 years -- my choice. There has been no correspondence, and I have seen them only at our parents' funerals.
Since we are all in our 80s, I anticipate there will be funerals for us in the next decade. If I go first, there is no problem. However, I'm considering not attending their funerals or those of their spouses. My grown children say I MUST attend because I'm their brother. I'm concerned that I might be a distraction or there could be a confrontation. Besides, I still remember what caused my estrangement and I just don't want to see them. I know I'm stubborn, but am I wrong? -- TO GO OR NOT TO GO
DEAR GO OR NO: I disagree with your children. People attend funerals to pay their respects to the deceased and/or comfort the family who has suffered the loss. If, after 35 years, you show up at the funeral, you could, indeed, be a distraction -- unless it has been so long that nobody recognizes you.