DEAR ABBY: I need some relationship advice. How do you handle household expenses with a partner?

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 10 years. In all this time, he has never once split any of the expenses with me. I pay for everything. He does buy groceries, although not all of them. He also helps around the house and with my daughter.

If I bring up the issue of sharing expenses, it turns into a fight. He says he's "sorry" he doesn't make enough money. Then he says all that matters to me is money and threatens to move out.

I feel completely taken advantage of because he DOES have the money to make $300-plus monthly payments for his new boat that's sitting in my garage. To me it's all about priorities. I would like a new car, but I have other monthly bills to pay.

Is it just me, or is this unfair? -- UP TO HERE WITH IT IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR UP TO HERE: It's not just you. You have been carrying the lion's share of the load. But unless you are finally ready to insist upon a new arrangement with this man -- who has had it pretty good for the last 10 YEARS -- nothing will change.

It's time to ask yourself whether what he does contribute -- on every level -- is enough to satisfy you. If it isn't, be prepared to tell him you need to find an equal partner, and if he's unwilling to be that person, he should move.

DEAR ABBY: Four years ago I had major affection for a man. We talked every chance we could. We arranged times we could sit together and just talk. There was lots of flirting, eye contact, and this overwhelming feeling of bliss -- butterflies in the stomach -- all of that.

The problem was he was married. Once I realized it, I was devastated because I understood what I wanted could never be. I feel so lost. I'm now considering going to counseling.

I still hear from others that he mentions me or says he misses me, but this is old news. Now there's someone else, and it's the same problem -- just a different setting.

I feel so guilty for crushing on unattainable men. What's wrong with me? Why can't I like someone who is available? I've liked guys my own age before, and ones who were single, but there's something exciting about older unavailable men.

I don't want to feel this way, but I know that when I try to fight these feelings they just become stronger. I won't act on them, but I wish I could change them. How can I? -- FEELING GUILTY IN OHIO

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: The quickest way to do that would be to talk about these feelings with a licensed mental health professional. When you do, be prepared to touch on all of your relationships with men, including your father -- who is usually the first "unattainable" man with whom a little girl falls in love. I am pretty sure you will find that conversation illuminating.

Once you understand your feelings, it may be easier for you to find a man who is truly available -- if a relationship beyond a mad flirtation is what you really want, that is.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 12 years and I have few common interests. I am earthy, nature-loving, people-loving and crave a rural lifestyle. He's an introvert, loves everything Western, enjoys his downtime and watches a lot of television. He dislikes animals and is a sports fanatic.

I don't criticize his interests. I allow him his hobbies. My problem is, our dreams of the future can't be combined. My off-the-grid homestead and his 70-inch TV don't exactly fit.

It's depressing that we don't appreciate each other's interests, and doing all of our hobbies separately is lonely. How can I experience my dreams when they are not my husband's dreams? -- HIPPIE JANE IN PROVO, UTAH

DEAR HIPPIE JANE: Try doing that by remembering what you had in common with your husband 13 years ago. Is the core of your relationship still a good one? Couples don't have to be joined at the hip 24/7. Can't each of you enjoy your hobbies and interests separately? Many couples do.

However, if the answer is that you have grown increasingly apart in the last 12 years, the only way you can each experience your dreams may be to do it alone or with other like-minded people.

DEAR ABBY: I am deathly afraid of snakes! My daughter, who lives in Canada, recently informed me that they had acquired one through a teacher at my grandsons' school. Of course, the three boys are thrilled.

My problem is, we are going to visit my daughter and her family in a few weeks. I am terrified to the point of losing sleep and breaking down crying just thinking about it. What should I do? I want to see my family, but there is no house big enough for me AND a snake. Please help. --TERRIFIED IN CYPRESS, TEXAS

DEAR TERRIFIED: If you were planning to stay at your daughter's, scale back your plans and reserve a room at a nearby hotel or motel. This will give you eight or 10 hours a day nowhere near the reptile. If your daughter is unaware of your phobia, put her on notice that the snake is to be confined to its cage in a room with a firmly closed door while you are in the house -- and further, you do not wish to make its acquaintance.

Talk to your doctor before you go and ask for enough anti-anxiety medication to calm your nerves while you are there. Then go and have a good time.

DEAR ABBY: We took my wealthy daughter, husband and their four children to dinner at a very nice restaurant. We insisted on paying. In fact, we even restricted what we ordered so they could each have an expensive dish that they only picked at.

When it was over and it was obvious that they weren't taking home any leftovers, I started to motion to our waitress to ask for take-home boxes so my wife and I could take all of their uneaten food. My wife shot me the "don't you dare!" look, so all of it wound up in a dumpster. Needless to say, it became an issue. Was I wrong to want to take home their uneaten meals? -- PEEVED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PEEVED: Not as far as I'm concerned. Because your daughter and her family didn't like what they ordered -- and you were footing the bill -- there was no breach of etiquette in asking for a box for the leftovers.

DEAR ABBY: I recently realized I have a fair-weather family. My husband got in trouble with the law and is now in a drug treatment facility. This had been hard on me, but I love him.

His crime was being in possession of illegal drugs that were intended only for himself. His family has turned their backs on us. My family will invite me to family functions, but if I mention him, they walk away. I have been feeling very alone and isolated throughout this entire process.

Today I went for my follow-up OB-GYN appointment and was referred to an oncologist for further testing and treatment. I don't even want to tell my family. I spoke with one close friend who said my parents and siblings have a right to know what is going on, but I feel differently. I think families should support each other through everything. They don't get to pick and choose. What do you think? -- DOING THIS ALONE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DOING THIS ALONE: I know you are angry with your relatives, but if you think you will be punishing them by keeping your diagnosis to yourself, you won't. I agree with your friend that your family should be told what's going on with you, not because they have a right to know, but because you may at some point need their help.

DEAR ABBY: In the past, you have printed letters about neighbors taking food to people who are grieving. I recently lost my wife of 57 years. Her death was unexpected. I ended up with a refrigerator and freezer overflowing with so much food I could not eat it all. Losing someone dear to you kills your appetite. Trust me, at a time like this, you aren't hungry.

May I offer an alternative to cooking food and taking it over, especially if the recipient lives alone? Call the person and invite him or her to dinner at your home, or ask what night you could bring dinner over and have supper with the individual.

Speaking from firsthand experience, for me the worst time of day (besides bedtime) is being alone at dinner when daylight fades. What's hard isn't that I might have to prepare or warm up some of the food someone thoughtfully brought, but it's the emptiness of the house -- the sense of isolation.

About two weeks after the funeral, a couple of dear friends invited me over for dinner and games. They understood what a difference it would make in helping me cope with a great loss. And bless my daughter and "son-in-love" for their insistence that I have dinner with them every Sunday, at a minimum, with their family. -- GRATEFUL IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR GRATEFUL: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your wife, and thank you for taking the time to point out how important companionship can be for people who are grieving.