DEAR ABBY: I recently realized I have a fair-weather family. My husband got in trouble with the law and is now in a drug treatment facility. This had been hard on me, but I love him.

His crime was being in possession of illegal drugs that were intended only for himself. His family has turned their backs on us. My family will invite me to family functions, but if I mention him, they walk away. I have been feeling very alone and isolated throughout this entire process.

Today I went for my follow-up OB-GYN appointment and was referred to an oncologist for further testing and treatment. I don't even want to tell my family. I spoke with one close friend who said my parents and siblings have a right to know what is going on, but I feel differently. I think families should support each other through everything. They don't get to pick and choose. What do you think? -- DOING THIS ALONE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DOING THIS ALONE: I know you are angry with your relatives, but if you think you will be punishing them by keeping your diagnosis to yourself, you won't. I agree with your friend that your family should be told what's going on with you, not because they have a right to know, but because you may at some point need their help.

DEAR ABBY: In the past, you have printed letters about neighbors taking food to people who are grieving. I recently lost my wife of 57 years. Her death was unexpected. I ended up with a refrigerator and freezer overflowing with so much food I could not eat it all. Losing someone dear to you kills your appetite. Trust me, at a time like this, you aren't hungry.

May I offer an alternative to cooking food and taking it over, especially if the recipient lives alone? Call the person and invite him or her to dinner at your home, or ask what night you could bring dinner over and have supper with the individual.

Speaking from firsthand experience, for me the worst time of day (besides bedtime) is being alone at dinner when daylight fades. What's hard isn't that I might have to prepare or warm up some of the food someone thoughtfully brought, but it's the emptiness of the house -- the sense of isolation.

About two weeks after the funeral, a couple of dear friends invited me over for dinner and games. They understood what a difference it would make in helping me cope with a great loss. And bless my daughter and "son-in-love" for their insistence that I have dinner with them every Sunday, at a minimum, with their family. -- GRATEFUL IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR GRATEFUL: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your wife, and thank you for taking the time to point out how important companionship can be for people who are grieving.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 20 years and have three children, ages 10 to 17. Our oldest is a senior in high school. Her best friend, "Maya," is a friend of the family we have known for 10 years. Maya's parents have been divorced for as long as we've known her. She lives with her single mom. Her dad moved out of state.

Maya spends a lot of time with us on weekends, and we have all embraced her as another family member. Recently, Maya pulled me aside and asked if I could be a father figure in her life. I was honored and immediately agreed. Now when she comes over she calls me "Dad" and even says "I love you." I say it back.

Last week, my wife mentioned that our younger two children have noticed the bond between me and Maya and are upset about it. How can I be there for Maya through these tough teen years without alienating my own younger kids? -- FAMILY GUY IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR FAMILY GUY: Consider having a talk with your younger children and explaining to them that the more love there is in this world, the better our world will be. Explain that Maya has no father in her life, and that any affection you express for her does not lessen the love you feel for them, and they will always be "No. 1" in your heart.

This does not, however, mean that you cannot have love for Maya, too, and say it when you think she needs to hear it. If you haven't already been doing it, make special time for your younger children that does not include Maya. If you do, perhaps it will help them to feel less threatened.

DEAR ABBY: Allow me to offer a word of encouragement to young boys who are short in stature: All your life, you will hear thoughtless remarks about your height. "He's short. That's so sad. It will hold him back in life. He'll have trouble with girls," and so on. Don't listen to a word of it!

I am now a senior citizen. Not once has being short held me back from anything I wanted in life -- relationships, money, career, friends and respect. Other people may have stereotypes, but do not let them control your goals and dreams. You can have whatever you want in life, so go for it! -- MIKE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MIKE: There is no height requirement for success. As I write this I am thinking of Prince, Elton John, Michael J. Fox, Kevin Hart, Danny DeVito and every jockey who races for the Triple Crown. (My lawyer is also short in stature, but I measure him only from the eyebrows up.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm 18 and have never had a boyfriend. I really, really like a boy from church, but I don't know how to approach him. He has a job and is in his second year of college.

We're good friends, but he's so busy with work and school that I never see him, not even on Sundays. It's upsetting. I'd really like to be more than friends. What should I do? -- CRUSHING IN INDIANA

DEAR CRUSHING: Because of the schedule he is on, I don't think you have much choice other than to wait until his classes end and he's on holiday or summer break. In the meantime, do not put your life on hold. Stay busy with friends and other activities, and who knows? You may meet somebody else who's also interesting.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is in fifth grade at a very small, rural school. She's outgoing and makes friends easily. My problem is, when she comes home from school, she tells my husband and me about the conversations the other fifth-grade girls are having. Most of them involve boys. However, recently the conversations are about sex and things these girls say they want boys to do to them, which include rape.

My husband and I are appalled. My daughter knows that it's not appropriate to discuss these topics, but she is forced by these girls to listen. What should we do? Should we discuss this with the other parents involved? Please help. -- CONCERNED PARENT IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR CONCERNED: While discussing sexual matters may not seem appropriate to you, that's what some children in grammar school do. The problem, however, is that a lot of misinformation can be transmitted among them. Be glad your daughter trusts you enough that she's willing to tell you what is being said.

If this were my daughter and I had not yet had "the talk" with her, I would waste no time in initiating it. Her classmates may say some of the things they do for shock value and have no concept about the violence and physical and emotional damage that a rapist can inflict.

Not only should you bring this to the attention of the parents of these classmates, also talk to the school principal. (Could these girls have been exposed to rape, pornographic movies, etc.?) The best way to combat screwed-up thinking like this is through frank, open discussion and education.

DEAR ABBY: I have 18-year-old twin sons who are seniors in high school and more mature than most at their age. My husband and I raised them with responsibility and manners, and people comment on how well they behave.

My problem is neither one seems interested in socializing. They don't date and never have friends over. They tell me people their age are "morons."

The boys are very close. They still share a room, and want to attend college together and major in the same field. I'm worried that they are too close and need to separate from each other and get out more. I worry that they aren't experiencing the life of typical teenagers. Should I be worried about this or wait and see what college brings them? -- MOTHER OF TWINS

DEAR MOTHER: Your boys may be responsible and mannerly, but they appear to be socially immature. The time to have separated them and encouraged them to develop their individual personalities was when they entered their teens.

While it is normal for twins to share a special closeness, the fact that they don't socialize, don't date and consider their contemporaries all to be morons IS something to be worried about. If you are going to contribute to their college educations, it might be helpful to insist they go to different schools. But before you do, consult a licensed counselor for guidance because it may be traumatic for them.