DEAR ABBY: No matter what I do, I am never satisfied. I have a great wife and two great kids, and yet I always feel like I could have done better with my life. I go to work and no matter how hard I work, I feel like I never get recognition for it. When I go out with friends, we have a great time, but I never feel like I am really part of the group. I feel like the outcast who gets invited just so they won't feel bad.

I don't know why I feel this way. I do suffer from depression and have spoken to a specialist. People often tell me that I spread myself too thin and never relax enough to enjoy my success. But how can I relax when I always feel unsatisfied with my efforts? -- JUST NOT SATISFIED

DEAR NOT SATISFIED: A way to do that would be to start by examining why you are so hard on yourself. Whether it was caused by parents who didn't give you the validation you needed while growing up or a lack of self-esteem, until you understand why you are hurting yourself this way, your problem won't be resolved. You say you have spoken to "a specialist" about your depression. Perhaps it's time for another visit and a chat about what's really bothering you.

DEAR ABBY: Years ago when I was married, I bought a beautiful two-carat solitaire ring as a sign of my accomplishment at work. Now that I'm divorced, I continue to wear the ring on my wedding ring finger.

I love the ring, but my mother and friends say I am chasing away suitors who mistake it for an engagement ring. Do you agree with them? I don't want to wear this on any other finger and have no plans to give it up. -- STUBBORN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR STUBBORN: I agree with your mother and your friends that what you're doing sends a wrong message. When a woman wears a diamond on the third finger of her left hand in this culture, it means that she's not available. Nowhere have I ever heard that it signifies that she's successful at work.

However, I am puzzled about one thing: Can you please explain, since you refuse to wear the ring on another finger or give it up, why you are asking me for advice?

DEAR ABBY: My husband talks out loud and carries on conversations with himself. Sometimes when I'm in another room, I hear him talking, and I think he must be on the phone or that someone is here.

One time he was outside and speaking so loudly I thought a neighbor had dropped by, so I asked him which one. He admitted he was only talking to himself.

Is this a brain disorder, and is there a name for it? -- CURIOUS IN THE EAST

DEAR CURIOUS: I don't think it's a brain disorder, so quit worrying. When I do this -- and I admit that I sometimes do -- and my husband mentions it, I tell him I'm talking to the person who understands me the best. (If it was something to worry about, I would probably have been certified long ago.)

P.S. If this bothers you, ask him to speak more softly.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend, "Allison," for two years, but lately there have been frequent rough patches. I'm 18 and a college student. I love Allison, but the relationship is taking a toll on us physically and emotionally.

We have had to deal with separation ever since we got together. She's the only one with a car and a "real" job. I work on campus in a work-study program in exchange for reduced tuition. I try to help Allison as much as I can to reduce the stress on her.

She has asked me to transfer schools, but I'd like to stay where I am because I feel I will have the ability to make something of myself. I have suggested that maybe we need to go our separate ways so she doesn't have to pull the majority of the weight, but she gets upset and accuses me of not loving her. What should I do? -- STRESSED STUDENT IN GEORGIA

DEAR STUDENT: First let me suggest what NOT to do. Do not allow Allison to pressure you into changing schools. It is important that you complete your education, and there is no guarantee that the financial arrangement you have with this school can be replicated somewhere else.

You and Allison are young, and long-distance relationships are often hard to maintain. That she is carrying the lion's share of the load right now is unfortunate, but it won't last forever. If she's unwilling to accept that, then I agree that perhaps it's time for the two of you to take a break.

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, I wrote to your mother about the many difficulties and stress of raising a very disabled son. Her advice gave me and my wife much needed encouragement. I keep her framed handwritten letter above my desk.

Our son passed away unexpectedly 17 months ago. Our family, neighbors and community gave us lots of support. Our son was loved by all. But for the past few months, it seems as if it is taboo for anyone to ask about how we are doing. Even if I mention our son in the context of a conversation, there is no follow-up.

I can understand people may be reluctant to open up a sorrow. However, I want to let them know it is OK to ask, "How are you doing?" I won't hold them hostage to a long, maudlin discourse. It just would be nice if people would still acknowledge his life and that we all still miss him. -- ALWAYS HIS DAD IN COLORADO

DEAR DAD: I am glad you wrote because you are not alone in having this heartache. As a general rule, people are uncomfortable bringing up the subject of death because they are afraid they will cause the person more sadness. Rarely is this true. People who have suffered a loss NEED to know their loved one hasn't been forgotten. No one should be afraid to share a warm memory, or ask how a grieving family member is doing. To show that kind of sensitivity is a generous gift.

DEAR ABBY: How do I connect with my son? He is 4 and he prefers his father to me. I generally "get" to be the bad guy -- the one who takes him to doctor appointments, gives icky meds, enforces bedtime and keeps order.

Dad doesn't even have to try to get affection. They are best buds. My son even asked me to go away so Dad would love him more. It stings. Aren't boys supposed to love their moms? -- SAD MOM IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR SAD MOM: Of course they are. Parenting responsibilities are supposed to be shared, and these days many men step forward and share those responsibilities. Your husband appears to think that being a "bud" is more fun than being a father. Making you the "bad mommy" while he is the "good guy" is unfair not only to you, but also to your son.

The two of you should have already formed a united front when it comes to discipline. If this is allowed to continue, your boy will play each of you against the other -- if he isn't already -- and your problems are only starting.

DEAR ABBY: I am a medical receptionist with a university medical group. It is common for people to approach my counter and "hover" next to the person I am helping, listening to the information I'm being given without any regard to it being private. When I ask them to stand back, they usually get upset with me.

I'm tired of people acting like it's me who's being rude. I could get in trouble by not speaking up because private medical information is supposed to be protected. Would you please inform your readers that standing and listening to people while they are being checked in for a medical appointment is not OK, and if they are asked to step away to not take it personally? -- TIRED OF ASKING

DEAR TIRED: I'll inform them, but I have another suggestion to offer: Discuss this problem with your office manager and ask if it would be prudent to post a sign asking patients not to stand within three feet of the reception desk when waiting to sign in. That way the onus won't be on you, everyone's privacy will be protected and no one will be offended.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 12. I love dancing and singing, but my mom has told me many times that I'm not good at it. It has lowered my self-confidence.

I'm now scared to sing or dance in public, although when I was younger, I would do it happily. What can I do to feel OK about my dancing and singing abilities? -- ENTERTAINER IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR ENTERTAINER: Nobody starts out being a star. Talent needs to be developed and nourished before it can blossom. If you enjoy singing and dancing, continue to do it -- if only for the joy it brings you -- and stop worrying about approval from others, even your mother.