DEAR ABBY: My son, "Chad," is being married in June to "Jenny," a girl his sister "Madison" introduced him to. Madison feels she should be a bridesmaid in their wedding because she introduced them. Madison had sex with Jenny's boyfriend "Axel" before she met Chad, got pregnant and had Axel's baby.

Jenny feels Madison screwed up her life and, even though she's about to marry my son, she doesn't want to reward Madison by asking her to be in the wedding. My daughter says if she's not in the wedding she won't attend, and won't allow her son (by Axel) to be the ring bearer, either.

I feel Chad and his fiancee should be able to have their wedding the way they want. I do not want to miss my only son's wedding because my daughter feels slighted. What should I do and say? -- COMPLICATED IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR COMPLICATED: While it's unfortunate that Jenny can't let bygones be bygones in the interest of future family harmony, you must not allow your daughter to dictate the plans for her brother's wedding. When the big day arrives, you should definitely attend and celebrate with Chad and Jenny. If Madison chooses not to attend as a guest, that's her decision, and you should not allow her to make it your problem.

DEAR ABBY: My mother married a man, "George," a few years ago. They met online, and he makes her happier than I've ever seen her. Our entire family adores George and is supportive of their marriage.

My husband and I had our first child, "Ella," this year. This has made Mom's dreams of becoming a grandma come true.

When I see George hold, play with, or just be in the same room with my daughter, I can't help but keep a really close eye on how he acts with her. He hasn't said or done anything for me not to trust him, but it makes me really uneasy, and I want to restrict his interaction with her.

It is my responsibility to protect my baby girl, and I'm extra-cautious because I was molested as a young girl. I can't discuss this with Mom because she doesn't know about what happened to me, and I know this would cause a huge fight between us.

How can I limit George's contact with Ella while still giving Mom the time she wants with her? Is this intuition or paranoia? -- CAUTIOUS IN KANSAS

DEAR CAUTIOUS: Why does your mother not know what happened to you as a child? Did you stay silent because you were afraid you wouldn't be believed? Because you wanted to protect her? Because your abuser was your father? You should have told her. It was her job to protect you.

I think the time has come for you to let her know what happened and how it has affected you. While I can appreciate your reason for not trusting men, not all men are molesters. If you would feel better keeping a close eye on your daughter's interactions with males until she's old enough to know what kind of touches are appropriate and which ones are not, that's your privilege. And if it leads to an argument with your mother, you will just have to stand by your decision.

DEAR ABBY: My stepson just turned 7. My husband was granted custody because the mother was declared unfit due to her drug abuse. She was granted supervised visits until she can pass two consecutive drug tests.

Over the last year and a half, her visits have become few and far between. My husband and I think it would be a good idea for "Tony" to start seeing a therapist again. He doesn't talk about his mother often, and I'm worried he may be bottling up a lot of his feelings.

Tony is starting to ask more questions about his mom -- like why he can't stay the night with her, why he can't live with her, and why he hasn't seen her much lately. I try not to say anything negative about her.

Is it time to explain the situation to him? He is still so young, and I don't know how to explain things in a way he would understand. If you were me, what would you do? -- STEPMOM IN ALABAMA

DEAR STEPMOM: You and your husband are wise to want to prevent problems before they happen. If I were in your situation, I would talk to Tony's therapist, explain what's going on, and ask for pointers regarding his questions and his behavior.

My instinct would be to tell the boy that his mother doesn't see him because she is sick. It's the truth. When he's older, he will need to know that there may be an inherited predisposition to addiction in his family -- but for now that can wait. Definitely contact the therapist if you think he/she was a good one.

DEAR ABBY: I used to be best friends with this girl I met in kindergarten. Over the years we became like sisters and did everything together. We played Barbies, went on adventures, shopping, saw movies and had sleepovers. As we grew older, we began trusting each other with our lives. I could tell her anything and everything, and I was there for her whenever she needed support or a shoulder to cry on.

However, now that we are older, we have slowly noticed small differences in our lives. She became focused on her studies and art. I joined the cheerleading squad and became interested in meeting new people. Our lives have diverged, and now it's like we have become complete strangers.

I want our friendship to go back to the way it was. What can I say or do to show her I miss the old her? -- CONFUSED EX-FRIEND

DEAR CONFUSED: As people mature, it is not uncommon for their interests to diverge. This is normal, and it may be what has happened with you and your longtime friend. If you miss the closeness you once had, tell her so. But do not expect it to magically return your relationship to what it was.

You are both sharing another adventure now -- exploring the interests and relationships you are developing as adults. It's possible that in the future your paths will converge again. When people are true friends, their ability to communicate on a meaningful level can last forever despite intervals when they are not in contact.

DEAR ABBY: Nine years ago I married a man who has a son from a previous marriage. "Eli" is now 26 and lives "on his own." While he may live under a different roof than his parents, they support him financially. My husband and I pay Eli's car insurance, cellphone bill, toll tag, life insurance policy and whatever other things come up (passport, gym membership). Eli's mom assists with all of his utility bills, in addition to depositing money in his account monthly. They even turned over Eli's 529 tuition account to him.

I have tried explaining to my husband that they are enabling Eli, and the umbilical cord should have been cut years ago. Eli has never earned more than $12,000 a year and has no desire to try because he has an endless flow of financial support. His dad is retired but continues to work in order to help Eli -- although he won't admit it.

This is straining our relationship because when I bring up this issue, he feels I am attacking his son. Am I unrealistic to expect an adult to support himself? -- SEEING CLEARLY IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SEEING CLEARLY: Not at all. You are being rational. Your husband and his ex may be fostering their son's cycle of financial dependence out of a sense of guilt -- possibly because of their divorce. It may take counseling in order for him to understand that he and his ex are doing Eli no favors. Suggest it as part of marriage counseling to ease the strain on your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in the process of downsizing. I have two black graduation gowns and caps in excellent condition. I wore them proudly as an adult college student not long ago, and hate the thought of them being thrown in a landfill or used as Halloween costumes.

There must be schools where some students have a financial hardship and can't afford to buy their graduation gowns. However, I don't know of any organizations in my area that have a gown reuse program. Perhaps your loyal readers will have ideas? -- DARLENE IN NEW YORK

DEAR DARLENE: I'm sure they will. But in the meantime, may I offer a couple of suggestions? Contact the administration at the high schools or community colleges in your area and ask if they could use the gowns. Or contact a local community theater group and volunteer to donate them to their costume department.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY ASIAN READERS: The Year of the Monkey begins today. A happy, healthy new year to all who celebrate it. People born in the Year of the Monkey are witty, intelligent and have magnetic personalities. Clever in financial matters and career, lively and versatile, gentle and kind, these traits make them ideal partners if you want an everlasting love life. However: They must watch their tempers and a tendency toward arrogance. -- LOVE, ABBY