DEAR ABBY: My father is 80. In his prime he was a businessman with lots of contacts. Most of his friends and siblings are gone now. He doesn't take good care of himself. His hair is unkempt, he goes weeks without shaving, his pants sag, and worst of all, his fingernails are full of dirt. He doesn't get out much, so I'm not sure it's important to him.

My main concern is how to handle this with the funeral home when he dies. Is this something they would clean? I can't imagine putting anyone through that. It would also not reflect who he really is.

I have never been comfortable confronting Dad about his appearance as he is sure to have his feelings hurt. I would appreciate your thoughts on this. -- CAN'T CONFRONT DAD IN INDIANA

DEAR CAN'T CONFRONT: Is your father in good physical health? If he is, could he be depressed or becoming demented? Those could be reasons why he has let his appearance go. From your description, your dad appears to have become very isolated. Perhaps if you encouraged him to join a senior group, he'd be more inclined to fix himself up and visit a barber. But I digress.

If your sole concern is how your father will look in his casket, your concerns will be alleviated when you talk about it with the director of the funeral home you plan to use. Making sure a body is clean and presentable is standard procedure.

DEAR ABBY: In recent years, when I befriend women, we start off having things in common (husband, children). Then these women lose all other interests and talk about nothing else. I have a wide range of interests (sports, travel, work, church -- you name it), and I'm willing to listen and learn.

Abby, I have never met these women's families and I am so tired of hearing their children's names that I'm starting to distance myself. I have dedicated most of my life to my husband and raising my children. I do not want to spend the rest of it talking about them. How do I handle these ladies? -- STARVED FOR STIMULATING CONVERSATION

DEAR STARVED: Birds of a feather flock together. If you want stimulating conversation, you will have to find another flock to fly around with. Sign up for classes at a local college, join a political campaign, volunteer at a hospital, join a group that helps the less fortunate, go to a museum. Do this and I assure you, you will meet others whose interests more closely match yours.

DEAR ABBY: I've met a man with whom I get along well. He is a physical therapist. We talk and joke during my therapy sessions. He makes them seem more like fun than work.

I think we could be friends if given the chance. When I have finished my therapy at the practice, would it be OK to ask if we could keep in touch? If so, how does one approach this? He's married, but I'm not looking for a romantic relationship. I would just enjoy being able to talk with him occasionally. -- ON THE MEND IN GEORGIA

DEAR ON THE MEND: When your therapy is completed, tell him you enjoyed the sessions and how enjoyable conversing with him was. Then ask if you can talk occasionally because he has many of the qualities you would like in a friend. You have nothing to lose by asking.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance is in the Marine Reserves. He has been in for five years, and his contract is due to end next year. After that, he will either resign or re-enlist.

He's obsessed with the idea of serving his country and deploying. He says he won't feel like he did his job if he doesn't deploy. While I respect that, for him to deploy, he must re-enlist, and his new contract will be for another six years. He could be sent overseas many times in six years.

I can't imagine life without him. Every time I even watch a war movie, I cry. I know it sounds selfish, because he is very brave, but how can I talk him into not re-enlisting or at least communicate that I don't want him to do this again? -- WANTS HIM STATESIDE

DEAR WANTS: Frankly, I am surprised you haven't told your fiance your feelings about this already, because you should have. While I wouldn't ask him to choose between you and his military service, I do think you have some serious thinking to do about your own future. Being a military spouse requires a special kind of strong, independent and dedicated person -- as you have already experienced. While you may love him, if this isn't a lifestyle to which you can adapt, then he may not be the husband for you.

DEAR ABBY: My mother's father recently got out of prison and was deported to Mexico. He had been in jail for 20 years, almost my entire life (I'm 22). While he was in prison, I wrote him several times, hoping to connect with him, but I never got a response -- not even an acknowledgement in his letters to my mom.

When I'm asked if I have any grandparents, I usually say, "I only have two grandmas." My father's father was the only real grandfather I had, and I loved him dearly. He died in 2003.

The problem is, my mom wants me to call her father "Grandpa" when I don't even know the man! In my opinion, the title of "Grandpa" is earned and not automatically bestowed. Am I being unreasonable and what should I do? -- ESTRANGED GRANDDAUGHTER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ESTRANGED: You are not being unreasonable; you are being rational. You are not only not obligated to call this man "Grandpa," you are under no obligation to speak to him at all, and I wouldn't blame you if you kept your distance.

DEAR ABBY: I just got asked to my first high school dance by "Josh," a boy I really like. I don't know what to do, what to wear or what to say. I don't even know how to dance, and I don't want to mess this up.

Josh is very popular and has done this before, but I haven't. He's my best friend, and I'm scared of losing him because I'm not good enough. Should I go, or call it off and just stay home? Maybe I'm just not meant for all this dating stuff. What should I do? -- INEXPERIENCED IN NEVADA

DEAR INEXPERIENCED: If you weren't "good enough," Josh wouldn't have invited you to the dance. Because you haven't danced before, ask him to give you some pointers before the big night. If you do, I'm sure he'll be glad to help.

As to what to wear, if any of your girlfriends have attended the dances, ask them for suggestions. However, if none of them have been to a school dance either, ask any female relative of the same age -- or ask Josh.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a male in my early 50s. As a shy 21-year-old, I had minor surgery to straighten a small (but at the time, to me, ginormous) hump on my nose. I didn't tell many people and it boosted my confidence, and although I can't say I regret it, looking back I don't think it was really needed. I met my wife a few years later and didn't think it was important enough to mention, which doesn't bother me.

What does bother me is my daughter, 23 and happily married, is complaining about the small hump on her nose and seriously contemplating surgery to fix it. She says she's the only one in the family with such a nose. Her husband and my wife, neither one of whom are fans of minor cosmetic surgery, are urging her to not do it. I have kept my mouth shut so far.

I hate bringing something up I've kept from my wife all these years, yet I have this nagging feeling I'm betraying my daughter by not telling her she has the nose I was born with. I also worry that she'll find out and feel betrayed if I say nothing. Am I obligated to tell her? Am I a jerk if I don't? Does she have a right to know about her father's true nose? -- INDECISIVE DAD IN THE USA

DEAR INDECISIVE: You are behaving as though a rhinoplasty is something to be ashamed of. It's not! Speak up and tell your wife your daughter inherited your nose and that fixing yours gave you self-confidence. Then be honest with your daughter. She's an adult. What she chooses to do with the nose on her face should be her decision and no one else's because no one else will be wearing it.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, my boyfriend of two years and I broke up. We had never had an argument. Then one night we did, and we both said things we shouldn't have. Since that day, he hasn't spoken to me again. He has ignored all my phone calls and my attempts to work things out. I have tried to move on, but I can't seem to. I have been devastated ever since because I truly loved him.

I recently started seeing a guy I like, but when it comes down to it, I can't let go of my ex-boyfriend. I am paralyzed by my emotions. Mostly I feel betrayed. He has destroyed every perception I had about relationships, like being there for each other through the good and bad. How can I help myself heal? -- MOTIONLESS IN GEORGIA

DEAR MOTIONLESS: Not all romances are meant to lead to marriage. Intelligent adults don't necessarily agree on everything, but they should be mature enough to discuss their differences without resorting to vitriol. If your ex-boyfriend's reaction to a disagreement was to run for the hills, better that you learned it after two years rather than, say, five.

I subscribe to the philosophy that our relationships -- whether successful or failed -- teach us important lessons about life. Sometimes we must accept life as it is rather than our fantasy of what we would like it to be. Because you haven't been able to progress beyond the romance you had with your ex, you will save yourself additional pain and wasted time if you discuss it with a licensed mental health professional.