life

Irate Husband Makes a Scene When Wife Breastfeeds Baby

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 24th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl three months ago. I had breastfed my 15-year-old, so it was natural for me to do the same with my new daughter. The problem is my husband, "Jerry," does not support me breastfeeding in public.

I'm somewhat large-chested, so I always cover up for fear of offending strangers. The last time we went shopping and the baby got hungry, when I attempted to feed her in a dressing room, Jerry got so upset he stormed out of the store and took the baby bag and stroller with him.

I had a receiving blanket tucked into my tank top and had covered my breast so no one would see anything. I asked him what the problem was, and he said just because I thought it was OK didn't mean some kid trying on clothes would think so. He told me I should breastfeed in the car or a bathroom. (Jerry doesn't eat in restrooms, so why should our baby girl?)

I don't plan to stop breastfeeding or going for outings with my baby girl, so how do I approach the situation without a fight? -- TRYING TO MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND

DEAR TRYING: How about this: Go without Jerry. Your husband is behind the times. Breastfeeding is nothing to be ashamed of, and is promoted by pediatricians as one of the best ways of keeping a baby healthy. There is nothing shameful about this normal function, and you shouldn't be banished to a car in a parking lot or a public bathroom in order to carry it out. The dressing room should have offered sufficient privacy.

Jerry should stop worrying about other kids and concentrate on his own. If a parent had felt her child needed to be protected from the sight of a mother nursing her baby, she would have been perfectly free to shield the child's eyes and usher him or her from the dressing room. If you are unable to get through to Jerry, or your husband cannot grasp this concept, your child's doctor should explain it to him in simple English.

Etiquette & EthicsMarriage & DivorceHealth & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Customer Ready for a Change Hopes Hairdresser Won't Take It Personally

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 24th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: How does one "break up" with a hairdresser? I'm not unhappy with "Flossie," my current one, but I'd like to try someone else for a change of pace.

I know people of both sexes who have stayed with a hairstylist they are unhappy with because they can't bring themselves to break up, so I know I'm not alone with this dilemma. I'd love to hear from hairdressers how they would prefer this be handled. Do they take it personally? -- TRENDSETTER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TRENDSETTER: Some do take it personally, I'm sure. If you have a personal as well as a business relationship with Flossie, she may feel hurt that you're leaving. However, it is not a sin to want to try someone else. It happens all the time in that business.

My advice is to call Flossie in advance and let her know you won't be coming so she can schedule someone else in that time slot. Then try the other stylist. That way, if you don't like that stylist's work, you can return to Flossie with no hard feelings.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Tomboy's Unhappiness May Be Start of Gender Change

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 23rd, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I just had a big fight with my best friend. Her name is "Alex." There was a lot of cursing.

The argument was about her wanting to be transgender. I didn't agree with it, and she got mad at me. Alex is a tomboy. Today she cut her hair short -- too short for my taste -- and she keeps complaining about how she hates being a girl. She hates her period and is afraid of having breasts. It has started to annoy me. A lot.

Alex and I have been friends since kindergarten, and I'm scared our friendship may end. I don't know if all this sounds childish, but please help. I don't want to lose my best friend. -- VEGAS GIRL

DEAR VEGAS GIRL: If you really want to keep Alex as your best friend, go online and start researching what it means to be transgender. She may hate her female characteristics because she feels trapped in the wrong body.

Being transgender is much more complicated than cutting one's hair and being a tomboy. What's going on with your friend isn't a frivolous decision. Alex is going to need understanding and emotional support during this process, and if you can't stand beside her, you will lose your best friend.

Sex & GenderFriends & Neighbors
life

Lapsed Christian Misses Church, but Not Religion

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 23rd, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I was raised in the Christian faith by my pastor parents. As I reached my early teens, I realized that those beliefs didn't really fit, and I gradually stopped attending church. I stayed away all through college. My time away only solidified that, in terms of belief, Christianity wasn't for me.

After I graduated this year, I realized I missed the community and ritual of the faith and the church. There are a number of churches in my area, but I feel guilty attending one when I don't believe in the same things as the other members. My family always taught me to be considerate of the beliefs of the people around me, and it seems dishonest to go to a service and listen to prayers my heart doesn't embrace.

I'd still like to attend church. Have you any suggestions for what might be a good course of action? Should I go to church or stay home? -- UNORTHODOX IN OHIO

DEAR UNORTHODOX: You don't have to stay home. Instead, explore a denomination that has no dogma or creed. One in particular, Unitarian Universalism, has been mentioned before in this column.

Unitarian Universalists believe in the dignity and worth of every human being, and encourage and support others in following their personal spiritual paths. If you would like more information, visit www.uua.org.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Floral Delivery Fee Gives Friend a Fright

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 23rd, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: The mother of a friend recently passed away. I wanted to send a nice plant to the funeral home and was shocked at how much it cost to have a small plant delivered. Is it a "no-no" to buy a beautiful plant and deliver it to the funeral home yourself? -- BUDGET-MINDED

DEAR BUDGET-MINDED: If it's a "no-no," I never heard about it. If having the plant delivered would stretch your budget, by all means take it over before the viewing. It's the thought that counts, and your wish to commemorate the death of your friend's mother is thoughtful and beautiful.

MoneyDeath
life

Travelers Want to Be Greeted by Best Friend at Trip's End

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 22nd, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: We recently lost our dog, a 13-year-old springer spaniel, to old age. His passing has left a huge hole in our hearts and lives. We miss his companionship, his personality and the structure that caring for him brought to our lives. We're 51 and 60, own our home and are financially secure.

Some of our friends are discouraging us from adopting another dog. They say we travel too much. Last year we spent 12 weeks away from home. When we travel, we hire a trusted pet sitter to move into the house and attend to all our dog's needs. Our pet always seemed happy and healthy when we returned.

I anticipate that we will continue to travel a similar amount in the future, but I'm not sure we will enjoy coming home to a house that has no dog to welcome us back. Abby, should a retired couple who travels adopt a dog? -- PET LOVER IN MEXICO

DEAR PET LOVER: At ages 51 and 60, if you and your husband are in good health, I see no reason why you shouldn't adopt another dog if you wish. Consider adopting one that is no longer a puppy. Shelters and rescue organizations are good places to adopt an older dog that needs a loving home.

Death
life

Blare of Car's Horn Is Rude Awakening for Neighbors

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 22nd, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My neighbor complains of cars honking at 8 in the morning. I have done this only three times when I have taken my son to school. I wait in the car for him, but if he's late by a couple of minutes, I'll honk.

The neighbors think it's rude because they have a 3-year-old who's asleep at that time. Do I confront them? What do you suggest? -- ON A SCHEDULE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ON A SCHEDULE: Knowing it will awaken your neighbor's child, refrain from honking the horn. If you need your son to hurry up, use your cellphone and call the house. Or, turn your engine off, lock the car and go inside and get him.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Old Friend Keeps Her Distance After Moving Back to Town

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 22nd, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My friend of 25 years, "Violet," moved back to town a few months ago after living far away for the last 10 years. Whereas we've always called and confided in each other often, now that she's here, I rarely see her, never talk with her and receive polite but curt refusals to do anything together.

I know the move was stressful for her, and I suspect the problem is more about her than me. But I am really hurt, and I miss her. My last request to get together and talk was met with, "I'm only doing what I feel I can enjoy and manage." It seems like that doesn't include our friendship.

Should I simply leave my old friend alone, or is there something you can suggest? -- JUST PLAIN SAD

DEAR SAD: Write Violet a short, sweet note. Tell her that you care about her, have always treasured her friendship and hope it will continue. Let her know that when she feels like talking, you will be there for her. It's really all you can do at this point.

After that, the ball will be in her court and you should NOT sit by the phone waiting for a call. Go on with your life and your other friendships as before. If she responds, terrific. If not, it will be her loss. Do not make it yours.

Friends & Neighbors

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