life

Grandparents Can't Hide Shock Over Kindergartener's Makeup

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 17th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Our son and his wife have blessed us with a darling 6-year-old granddaughter, "Sophie," who is the love of our lives. We live nearby and are very close.

When we received her kindergarten school photo, she had on heavy lipstick and light eye shadow. My husband and I couldn't contain our shock. Her parents said they thought she looked beautiful, and Sophie was made up that way because "she wanted to." We were speechless.

When we pick her up on weekends, she sometimes wears makeup, too. It makes her look like a 30-year-old. We think that wearing it while playing dress-up is fun, but doing it outside the home takes away from her natural beauty. What are your thoughts on this? -- TAKEN ABACK IN KANSAS

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Forgive me if this seems old-fashioned, but I think that a kindergartener should be allowed to remain a child for at least a few years. I'm not only surprised that your son and daughter-in-law would send their 6-year-old to school wearing makeup, I am equally surprised that the school would allow it.

And when Sophie spends the weekend with you, don't you think you should make the rules about whether she's allowed to wear makeup? Someone has to draw the line, but when you do, be prepared for some battles.

Family & Parenting
life

Husband Offers Little Solace to Wife After Mother's Death

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 17th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My mother passed away a few weeks ago. She lived with my husband and me for the last 2 1/2 years of her life, and I was her caregiver.

The week after she passed, my husband did not stay home even one day with me. It was the loneliest, saddest time I have ever experienced. I feel he should have stayed with me without my having to ask him. He says all I had to do was ask.

Frankly, I don't think it was up to me to ask to be comforted. Who do you think is right? -- GRIEVING IN CLEARWATER, FLA.

DEAR GRIEVING: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your beloved mother. You were a loving, caring daughter and, I'm sure, a comfort to her in her last years.

It is sad that you and your husband have such a poor level of communication. You should not have had to ask him to remain by your side in your hour of need. He promised to do that at the altar, and from where I sit, he failed you.

DeathMarriage & Divorce
life

Gender Alone Doesn't Qualify Wife for a Cousin-Only Trip

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 17th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman married to a woman. Recently we attended her family reunion. Her first cousins (all female) decided to have a meeting. When my wife returned from the discussion, her mom asked her what it was about. My wife replied that they were planning a trip with just the female cousins -- no men. I feel hurt and excluded, as I am a woman, too.

Am I wrong? I can understand not wanting husbands on an all-girl trip, but am I not the exception? -- OUT OF THE LOOP IN ALBERTA, CANADA

DEAR OUT: No. This trip is for cousins only; no spouses. Although all the other spouses are men, you are not a cousin, so stop looking for reasons to be hurt. My advice is to let it go.

Family & Parenting
life

Three Cats Become a Crowd in a One-Bedroom Apartment

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 16th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I live together. We adopted a cat off the street. A few months later, the cat became pregnant and had four kittens. We ended up keeping two, and now we have three cats in a one-bedroom apartment.

I've tried being OK with it, but it's making me stressed and unhappy. The litter box must be constantly cleaned; they get into our food and pee on our furniture.

I've tried talking to my girlfriend about putting one or two of them up for adoption, but every time I raise the issue, she gets mad and dares me to get rid of them. I don't want her to resent me, but I also don't like living in the circumstances I'm living in. Please help. -- SURROUNDED BY CATS

DEAR SURROUNDED: You and your girlfriend appear to be irresponsible pet owners. I hope you realize that if the stray cat you adopted had been spayed, this could have been avoided.

The litter box should be cleaned regularly and, because the cats belong to both of you, the responsibility should be shared. If the cats urinate on the furniture, it should be discussed with a veterinarian rather than disposing of them.

That said, you are not married to this woman. If you're not happy under the current conditions, perhaps it's time to consider moving.

Love & Dating
life

Popular Boy Sends Girl Mixed Messages on Social Media

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 16th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I really need your help. I'm 13 and I know I'm a little young, but there's a boy I have known for a while. We used to text all the time, and then we got into a fight. We both said rude things, and then after a while he started talking to me again and acting like he didn't care. In fact, he told me that. Then we stopped talking again and he blocked me on Instagram.

Well, this school year he came to my school, and he's very popular. He stares at me every day when we pass each other and once he said hi to me.

What I'm confused about is why does he keep unblocking me and blocking me on social media? Why is he doing everything he's done? I hope you can help. -- BLOCKED IN MISSOURI

DEAR BLOCKED: The first time he blocked you, he probably did it to punish you for having hurt his feelings during the fight. Now he may be doing it to get a rise out of you, or because for some reason he doesn't want you to be able to see what he's saying and doing.

The opposite of love isn't hate; it's indifference. Because he stares at you in the hallway, I suspect he still likes you. Don't chase him -- just be patient and let this play out because it could be interesting.

Love & DatingWork & SchoolTeens
life

Mix-up Among Gifts and Cards Causes Headache for Bride

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 16th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My niece got married and some of the gifts got separated from the gift cards. Individual cards were found apart from the gifts. So how do you thank the individuals who left gifts without knowing the gift they gave? -- UNSURE IN THE WEST

DEAR UNSURE: While it is preferable to mention the gift when thanking the giver, no rule states that you have to do so. Your niece should start by writing thank-you notes for the gifts that have cards with them, and for those few (I HOPE few) that don't, the givers should be told how meaningful it was to have them present on the special day, and thanked for their generosity. Period.

PS. A helpful hint to anyone sending a wedding or shower gift: Note on the gift card what has been sent (waffle iron, baby blanket, etc.).

Etiquette & EthicsHolidays & Celebrations
life

Unexpected Thanksgiving Guest Took Self-Guided Tour of Home

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 15th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I lived with my mother, who passed away recently. I invited my cousins over to the house for Thanksgiving. One of them invited a cousin-in-law I had never met.

When I woke from a nap, the cousin-in-law was here and asked me about our walk-in bathtub, which means that while I was asleep on my mother's bed, she had entered my mother's bedroom and private bathroom. I was flabbergasted.

She also asked to keep a program I showed her from Mom's service. I wanted to refuse (I still haven't sent programs to out-of-state friends and relatives and am unsure how many I may need), but I let her keep it.

Should I say something to let her know how inappropriate it was for her to give herself a tour of my home before she even met me? -- INVADED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR INVADED: No, but you should absolutely say something to the cousin who invited a stranger to your Thanksgiving dinner without permission, and compounded it by leaving that person unsupervised while you slept. While you may not be able to teach either of them better manners, at least you will have made clear that you won't tolerate that kind of rudeness in the future.

Family & ParentingEtiquette & EthicsHolidays & Celebrations
life

Lifelong Nail Biter Can't Kick the Habit

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 15th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 31-year-old nail biter and have been one for as long as I can remember. As an adult, I'm now attacking my cuticles to the point that they bleed.

If I feel a hangnail, I have to push it down or rip it out. It may be stress-related, but sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it.

I have stopped biting my nails twice, but that's because I used to get manicures weekly. I can't afford them anymore. The stuff that "tastes bad" doesn't taste so bad it stops me.

I'd like to be able to show off my future wedding band. A co-worker said she thinks I have some sort of OCD. Could she be right? I know I need help. Do you have any suggestions on how I can help myself? -- DIANA IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR DIANA: I do have one that may be helpful. Keep an emery board and cuticle scissors nearby at all times -- including in your purse, at your desk and where you watch television. That way, if you break a nail or get a hangnail, you can smooth it out immediately and you won't feel so compelled to chew. Try it. Others have told me it fixed their problem.

Health & Safety
life

Virgin Waiting for Marriage Begins to Have Second Thoughts

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 15th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old virgin and have never been in a relationship. I would like to wait to have sex until I'm married. Do you think I'll regret it, since it doesn't look like I'll be married before I'm 30?

Do you have any thoughts on when to tell a man I'm dating that I'm still a virgin? Should it be on the second or third date, when we become exclusive, or after that? And if I ever get exclusive, how would I tell that person I've been single all of my life without sounding like I'm weird? -- STILL SINGLE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR SINGLE: There's nothing "weird" about a 30-year-old man or woman being single these days. People are marrying later than in years past, so you shouldn't feel defensive about it. As to when to reveal that you are a virgin, the time to discuss it would be when a relationship progresses to the point where physical intimacy enters the picture.

Love & DatingSex & Gender

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