DEAR ABBY: I moved overseas for work when I was 18. My father divorced my mom around the same time. I used to come back to the U.S. for two weeks every year to visit and stay with Mom. However, for the past eight years she has sent me emails "suggesting" in a roundabout way that I was not totally welcome. Because of this, I haven't been back in six years.

For the last 20-plus years I have given my mother about $7,000. Because I'm not welcome in her home, I told her I won't give her any more. She is now showing regret for her previous emails, but for me it's too late. Since I'm no longer sending money, she will have to sell her condo.

She's getting old and doesn't have much time left, and I can't wait until she passes on. I despise her. For me it is unacceptable for a mother to not welcome her son into her home for two weeks a year. Am I overreacting? Is my level of hate valid? -- REJECTED SON IN THAILAND

DEAR REJECTED SON: Not knowing your mother's reason for implying you weren't welcome to stay with her, your question is hard to answer. I understand why you would feel hurt, even angry. But looking forward to the day she's no longer on this earth strikes me as an overreaction.

From what I have read on the subject -- as well as personal experience -- I have concluded that hatred is like acid. It hurts the hater worse than the person at whom it is aimed. At this point your mother has lost her son and now she's losing her home. I'd say that's a large dose of punishment for her lack of hospitality. If you can't mend fences, then dwell on the positive things you have in your life rather than wasting time wishing her dead.

DEAR ABBY: I've been married to my wife for nine years. She is addicted to Ambien and pain meds. I love her with all my heart, but the constant trips to the hospital and emergency rooms have left me feeling numb. The episodes are all pretty much the same "Groundhog Day" scenario. I'm in so much pain emotionally.

They treat her because she claims to have lupus. The real story is her addiction. My question is, what do I do? She has been to the hospital at least 30 times in our nine years of marriage. Please help me help her. Thank you. -- TIRED IN TEXAS

DEAR TIRED: You say the people at the hospital are unaware that your wife is a prescription drug addict. Why haven't you told them the truth and revealed where your wife is getting all those pills? For too long you have tolerated a situation that is destructive for both of you.

You may love your wife and want to be supportive, but you can't save her from her addiction. Only she can do that by admitting she's out of control, seeking help and sticking to a program.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of four. My children are wonderful, but they really don't listen. Instead of sitting down and talking to them, I scream and call them names. Then, after they go to sleep, I feel extremely guilty.

My 12-year-old girl struggles in school. I have tried to be calm and help her. But I become easily frustrated and give up. Then I start to scream and tell her she'll never get it.

I'm afraid I am damaging my child in the long run. How can I control my anger so I can help her succeed? -- ANGRY IN EL PASO

DEAR ANGRY: While both involve anger, you are really asking me about two separate issues. Let me first respond to the second one, your inability to help your 12-year-old academically.

As you may already know, not all people absorb information the same way. Some of us are visual learners, others are auditory learners, and some may have a learning disability that requires help from a trained professional. Your daughter may be one of these.

I'm willing to bet that when you scream at her, you are really screaming at yourself because of your frustration at being unable to get through to her. I have a booklet that may help you calm yourself before you get angry with your children. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $7 in U.S. funds, to Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Most adults learn from childhood how to manage their anger. However, it is equally important to learn to express anger in ways that are not destructive.

Being in touch enough with your emotions that you can say, "When you do that (or say that), it makes me angry," can help you calm yourself before you explode, and it will also earn you the respect of others.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 35 years. Every year, he takes a week off to go to another state and play golf. When he returns, he compiles all the photos he has taken onto a disk. He would let me see the photos on the computer after the first couple of golf trips, but on this last one, he refused to show me any.

This is a big red flag for me that he's doing something more than just golfing. I might add that there is a lot of alcohol consumed, along with hot tub parties at the motel where he stays. I'm interested in what you think might be going on during these trips. -- LEFT BEHIND IN IDAHO

DEAR LEFT BEHIND: People don't usually become secretive unless they have something to hide. Since you asked, I suspect that if he was proud of what went on, he would have shown you the pictures.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has developed a bad case of periodontal disease. I'm afraid to kiss him because I don't want the bacteria causing the disease to spread and his bad breath is unbearable. Our sex life is suffering because of it.

We have two beautiful children together, and I love him very much -- even if he loses all his teeth at the age of 37. I have explained how extremely important oral hygiene is to overall health, especially heart health, and how his unwillingness to deal with this sends the wrong message to our kids. He simply refuses or conveniently "forgets." When I asked him why, he said his mother traumatized him about it as a child.

My children are starting to take notice now. My daughter doesn't want to go near him, and my son thinks it's OK to not brush his teeth because his father doesn't. As you can see, this is disrupting our family. What kind of advice could I give him to get him to start taking care of his mouth? -- WIT'S END IN FLORIDA

DEAR WIT'S END: That your son is modeling his behavior after his father is terrible. There are psychologists who help patients overcome phobias and dentists who specialize in patients with your husband's problem. If necessary, dental work can be done under complete sedation.

If your husband would be willing to listen to your family doctor or the children's pediatrician, perhaps one of them can get through to him the importance of conquering his fear before it causes lasting damage to the next generation.

DEAR ABBY: I recently began a relationship with a wonderful man I'll call "Edward." He's smart, successful, sweet and has a wonderful sense of humor. I adore him and can see myself spending many happy years, if not forever, with him.

The problem is my parents. I'm 24 and a recent college graduate. I have a good job and have been living independently since I was 19. Edward is 31, divorced and has two kids (ages 5 and 8). Because of his kids and marital status, my parents refuse to even meet him. They claim I'm making a terrible mistake being involved with someone with so much "baggage."

I am very close to my parents, and their reaction is hurtful. This is the happiest I have been in a long time in a relationship, maybe ever. Neither Edward's kids nor the fact that he's divorced is an issue for me. I've met his children and enjoy spending time with them. He has a civil relationship with his ex-wife, who also has a new partner.

Do you think my parents' reaction is fair? Do you think in time they'll come around? -- BITTERSWEET IN LOVE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR BITTERSWEET: Whether your parents' reaction is fair or not is beside the point. Their feelings are their feelings. The relationship you have with Edward is new, and where it may lead is anybody's guess. If it lasts, your parents may come around. But as an adult, the choice of whom you date or will one day marry should be yours and no one else's.