DEAR ABBY: Thirty years ago when I was an Army officer, my wife "went crazy." She had an affair and wound up getting pregnant. When I got out of the Army, she saw the man one time more before we moved and got pregnant again! We had a child together later.

When I found out my eldest son didn't have the correct blood type, I confronted her and she admitted it. I then had all my children tested and realized only the last one is mine. I love the other two as well as my son, and I would not destroy his or the other boys' lives.

My wife and I had counseling and it helped some. The problem is, I feel like my life has been destroyed and I don't know what to do. -- COUNSELING HELPED ... BUT

DEAR C.H.B.: I assume you and your wife had joint counseling after you learned about her repeated infidelities. While your faith in women may have been shaken, your life has not been "destroyed." Feeling as you do, it's time for you to privately discuss your feelings with another licensed mental health professional. After that, you will be better equipped to rationally decide how to move forward.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law is getting married soon. Originally, she asked my 4-year-old daughter, "Emma," to be her flower girl. Emma was very excited.

A few weeks ago, I asked when my daughter needed to be fitted for her dress. My sister-in-law then informed me they had chosen my niece to be the flower girl the day after she asked Emma. No one ever mentioned it to us.

It was left to me to tell my daughter, and she was devastated. She still cries about it. I am holding in so much anger and hurt that I have been avoiding the family so there won't be any fighting close to the "big day." Am I wrong to be upset with my sister-in-law and mother-in-law for excluding my little girl and not telling her themselves? -- MIFFED IN ALABAMA

DEAR MIFFED: No, you're not. The way it was handled was extremely insensitive. Your sister-in-law owes you an explanation for what happened and your daughter an apology.

DEAR ABBY: I will be receiving some money from a court settlement soon. Only five friends were true friends and stood by me. They assisted me during the two years I was totally destitute. They all know I'm involved in a lawsuit and that I will receive compensation.

My question is, should I tell them how much I'm getting? I don't like to lie, but the idea of revealing my monetary status makes me uncomfortable. I never promised any of them money, so that's not an issue. I will cheerfully compensate them all for their loyalty in ongoing daily ways.

What should I do or say when they ask how much I received? I don't want to be perceived as rude. -- UNCERTAIN IN THE SOUTH

DEAR UNCERTAIN: The amount you will be receiving is really nobody's business. It would not be rude to say that you'd prefer not to discuss it because it makes you uncomfortable, and change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: I recently graduated from college and moved out of my parents' house and in with my fiance. My parents have assumed most of the cost of our upcoming wedding after insisting we have a big formal one. I'm also still on their cellphone plan and car and health insurance policies.

I do not agree with my parents' religious or political views and they know that. However, my mother insists on connecting with me on social media and regularly sends me texts criticizing me for responding to family members' negative comments about my very general and inoffensive status updates. She says she's "disappointed," and then she and Dad threaten to not pay for the wedding. After a recent argument, she threatened to drop me from their health and car insurance.

Abby, I'm tired of them holding these things over my head. Visiting has become awkward because of their threats. It feels like I'm not welcome in my own family. When I offer to take care of these things myself, my parents act as though I'm being ridiculous and retract their threats. I have threatened to elope with my fiance to alleviate these issues.

I don't want to be estranged from my parents, but I can't change who I am as a person and what I believe. How can I deal with this in a way that doesn't make me as childish as they are? -- I AM WHO I AM IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ARE WHO YOU ARE: I have often said that women should not marry until they are independent and can support themselves, because one day they may have to. Your parents treat you like a child they can still control because, financially, you are dependent.

If you didn't want a big, expensive wedding, you should never have agreed to one. It would not be childish for you to find a job (if you don't already have one) and buy your own health and car insurance.

It is also time for you and your fiance to tell your parents -- in the most loving way possible -- that while you are deeply grateful that they want to give you a big, expensive wedding, the two of you have decided to scale it back to something you can manage on your own. And this time don't make it a threat. Act on it. If you do, you will then be free to think and say whatever you please.

DEAR ABBY: I have started seeing this guy who doesn't want me to join the police force. I know he cares, but my dream has always been to be a part of the justice system. On the other hand, I don't want to lose a great guy over this one decision. Do I choose the dream or the guy? -- DREAMER IN THE USA

DEAR DREAMER: You are jumping the gun in thinking you must make a choice right now. You haven't mentioned whether you have the qualifications to join law enforcement. If you do, then for you to sacrifice your dream for someone you have only started seeing would be a huge mistake, and I urge you not to do it.

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday, when I picked my granddaughter "Michelle" up from school, she asked me to take her to get a pizza. I told her I had no money, and she responded that she had her own money. She then pulled $40 out of her pocket.

Michelle is only 9 and has no job. When I asked where she got the money, she told me, "A little boy who's disabled gave it to me." I didn't believe her story, and after I questioned her further, she confessed that she had taken the money from a boy who is NOT disabled.

I took the money from her and gave it to her teacher. Her teacher said the boy had accused Michelle, but Michelle had sworn she hadn't taken it. Abby, my granddaughter not only took his money, but also lied about it. I was devastated.

When I told my daughter, she said I should have let her and her husband handle it because now Michelle's teacher won't like her and may treat her differently. My daughter is now upset with me, but I was just trying to do the right thing. Did I do the wrong thing? -- HURT GRANDMA IN TEXAS

DEAR HURT GRANDMA: I don't think so. I'm not sure how your daughter planned to "handle it" and make things right for the boy who was bullied and stolen from, but by doing what you did, you ensured that he got his money back.

One can only hope that Michelle got a talking-to from her parents about what she did, and has learned not to repeat it. But if she's tempted to do it again, it's just as well that her teacher will keep a closer eye on her.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has been in prison for three and a half years, but now he's moving to a halfway house where he will have much more freedom. He wants to attend my church with me, and I know people there will have questions. Only a few of them know where he has been because I shared it with them. What's the best way to make this comfortable for both of us and share it as we need to? -- FREE AT LAST

DEAR FREE AT LAST: That your husband would like to attend church with you is laudable, and I hope his entry into the congregation will be a smooth one. I have often said that once a "secret" is known by more than one person, it is no longer a secret. Discuss this with your clergyperson and let him or her guide you in the process. If you do, it may help to avoid any rough spots along the way.

DEAR ABBY: Many people these days rely on their devices to auto-correct spelling and grammatical errors. Too often I see signage on businesses with misspellings. A few of my friends own their own businesses, and their postings on social media are often misspelled. Sometimes they ask for my opinion. Should I offer advice or ignore this growing trend? -- MISS PELLED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR MISS PELLED: Offer advice only when it's been requested. Advice that is unasked for is usually unwelcome. Unless you want to be known as the "grammar hammer," keep it to yourself.