DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from a woman (Nov. 25) whose husband told her while she was pregnant that, if it came to a choice, he would choose the life of the baby over hers. Your response contained a piece of misinformation I would appreciate you correcting for your readers.

You asserted that it is Catholic policy to save the life of the baby over the mother in obstetrical emergencies. Abby, that is one of the oldest but most persistent pieces of misinformation out there! This inaccurate statement has been replayed even in movies in spite of repeated denials by Catholic hospitals and the professionals who render care in them.

The fact is: Catholic policy is abundantly clear on the dignity of both mother and baby, and makes no priority of one over the other. Catholic hospitals operate with the same standards of safety in maternity care and are inspected by the same organizations that inspect non-Catholic maternity programs such as the Joint Commission and the licensing agency of each state. Catholic hospitals must adhere to the same robust standards as every other maternity service in the country.

I would appreciate it if you could assure your readers that, while this makes for good movies and novels, it is not the Catholic position. The dignity of the life of both mother and baby are critically important to all those serving in Catholic health care. Thank you for your help with this. -- SR. CAROL KEEHAN, PRESIDENT AND CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER, CATHOLIC HEALTH ASSOCIATION

DEAR SISTER CAROL: Since printing that letter, I have received a crash course in ethics at Catholic hospitals. I apologize to you and to my Catholic readers for saying what I did. In the interest of educating my readers, I am sharing some of the enlightening letters I received. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In the days before blood banks and antibiotics, very few women survived C-sections. Obstetrical complications (now solved by surgical delivery) created a dilemma: Either allow a dysfunctional labor to continue until the child died and could be forcibly dragged or dissected through the birth canal, or perform the surgery that would cause the mother's death.

About the only time such an issue could arise in contemporary America would be in the rare case of a pregnant woman who is discovered to have an aggressive cancer, and has to decide whether to start chemo or radiation therapy that could abort or harm the fetus, or delay until after delivery, which could allow the tumor to grow or metastasize. -- ROBIN T., RICHMOND, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Devout Catholics are pro-life in every instance, and, of course, efforts to save both mother and infant are always the rule. But the value of the life of a newborn never surpasses the value of the life of the mother. Never! -- CATHOLIC DOCTOR IN OHIO

DEAR ABBY: All children are beautiful to their parents. My three children are of mixed race and get a lot of attention because of it. The boys are aloof about random compliments they receive from strangers. However, I'm worried about the pressure it may put on my daughter to be "pretty."

I care more about my daughter's character than her looks, but I'm concerned that if I say that to these people, it will come off as rude. Also, I don't want her to think I don't think she's pretty. How can I respond in a way that isn't rude to well-intentioned strangers, but at the same time allows me to make a statement about the importance of character over beauty? -- MOM OF BEAUTIES

DEAR MOM: When someone exclaims that your child is beautiful, accept the compliment and say something like this: "Yes, my child IS beautiful, but more important, she is beautiful on the inside." It will reinforce the message to your daughter that character is equally, if not more important, than physical beauty.

DEAR ABBY: Isn't the rule of etiquette that when a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient? My mother sends gifts to our infant daughter. She is the first grandbaby, and my mother is a doting grandparent. My question is what should happen when my child outgrows the items -- clothing, shoes, toys, etc. My mother expects me to put them all in a storage bin and return them to her.

There have been times when I have packed up things to give to friends who have younger daughters than ours, or taken them to a resale shop. My mother then becomes upset that I'm not returning the items to her. She is saving them for my sister, who isn't even pregnant yet.

While I have no issue with saving some things for a potential niece, my friends need these things NOW, and I feel strange essentially being obligated to return them. Is my mom out of line? It's off-putting to receive a gift that comes with a return clause. -- CONFUSED IN CENTRAL TEXAS

DEAR CONFUSED: It appears your mother is not only a doting grandma, but also someone who is determined to get a double bang for her buck. Once given, a gift DOES belong to the recipient. Otherwise, it's not a gift but a loan.

And yes, however well-intentioned your mother may be, she is out of line to demand that everything she has given be returned to her. (I mean, what will she do if your sister has only boys?)

DEAR ABBY: When I'm dining out, sometimes the flatware is wrapped and banded in a large paper napkin. Do I use this napkin for cleaning myself, or do I ask for more napkins? -- UNSURE IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR UNSURE: Place the napkin in your lap, and if you would like to have more, do not hesitate to ask your server. It is not a breach of etiquette to do so.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 20-year-old college student. I have never dated anyone besides my current boyfriend, "Cody." He's my first-ever boyfriend. I met him in high school, but we ran into each other in college and quickly began a relationship. We're now into our third year together.

We have professed our love for each other. He never said "I love you" to any of his past girlfriends, and I'm happy he said it to me.

My concern is that we talk like we'll be together forever. I think I'd be happy, but should I worry that I'll never know if there may be other guys I feel a stronger connection to? Or if I have enough experience to know what love is? -- JUST THINKING IN FLORIDA

DEAR JUST THINKING: If you're writing to me, you ARE worrying. While for many couples their first love is also their last one, for many others it isn't, which may be why there are so many exes in this world.

My advice is to tell Cody that while you care for him, you feel it would be better for both of you to take a break and see other people. In some cases, it can cement a relationship. In others, it can destroy it. Going that route can be risky, but if either partner is having any doubts, that's the road to take.

DEAR ABBY: My father died last month. He'd had a massive stroke and was incapacitated for the last 10 days of his life and was on life support.

After I arrived at the hospital, I received a call from a woman who informed me that she is my half-sister. It was upsetting, to say the least. Not only was I losing my father, but I never thought he could keep a secret of this magnitude from me. Because I was angry, I wasn't friendly toward her.

Should I initiate a relationship with this woman? I'm 38. My siblings and I were born during my parents' marriage. This woman's mother is someone he had an affair with before, during and after his marriage. I have mixed emotions because I feel loyal to my mother, and I'm devastated by my father's deception regarding this child. -- UPSET IN GEORGIA

DEAR UPSET: I doubt your mother will welcome this person's presence in her life, so at least for now, I think reaching out would be a mistake. Your mother might perceive it as almost as much of a betrayal as your father's was with his girlfriend. Before going further, the question you need to ask yourself is, "Would the benefit outweigh the cost?" Until you can answer that, my advice is to do nothing.