DEAR ABBY: I found out a few months ago that my husband, "Hal," the father of my children, has had affairs with five different women. I left, and we are now being divorced.

I desperately wanted revenge, so I have been secretly seeing Hal's good friend "Ron," whom he "forbade" me from contacting after I told him his infidelity and disrespect gave me permission to act on the attraction I had for Ron. It's just a friends-with-benefits situation and I am having fun, so I don't really consider it to be revenge.

Hal has spent the last five months begging me to forgive him and work on our marriage, but I no longer love him and I certainly don't trust him. I told him I would "work on" forgiving him, so now he calls, says he still loves me and flirts.

The last woman Hal cheated on me with is his current girlfriend. He told me that if I ever want to hook up, I should make sure to use code words when leaving messages because she might see my calls and text messages. He also told me that he is not interested in a long­term relationship with her.

I slept with Hal recently to have leverage. I was contemplating sending her the proof as payback for how she treated me some months back, although I don't want her boyfriend back. I am now questioning if this is the right thing to do. Should I just leave it alone? -- PAYBACK SOMEWHERE IN THE USA

DEAR PAYBACK: Yes, do it for everyone's sake -- including your own. This cycle of revenge is doing no one any good.

DEAR ABBY: Before we had kids, my wife and I would occasionally go out with groups of friends or to social functions, but it was difficult to get her to go home. She always liked closing the place down, and if we left early I felt like I was dragging her away.

For the first five years after our children were born we didn't get out much. My wife is now starting to go out with friends from work -- a mixed group of single and married guys and gals. She has invited me to come along, but sitters are expensive and I'm not friendly with her co-workers. She stays out with them until 3 to 4 a.m. once a month. I think that's ridiculously late when you have a husband and children at home.

When she's not here, I can't sleep and I worry that something is wrong. She rarely calls to check in unless I ask her to. Overall I trust her, but with her drinking heavily and many single guys around, I don't feel comfortable with the situation. I don't know what to do. -- LONELY DAD IN ARIZONA

DEAR LONELY DAD: I have it on good authority that last call for serving alcohol in Arizona is 2 a.m. Could your wife be drinking so heavily that she needs the time to sober up in order to drive home? If that's the case, she may be a binge drinker, which isn't healthy.

The implications of your letter are serious, so you should sit down with her and have a discussion about the amount she imbibes on her nights out. You shouldn't have to worry about her, so out of respect for your feelings, she should routinely let you know how long she'll be after the bars/clubs close.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a nurse for 35 years, and over time, I have noticed a decline in simple courtesy from people who visit friends or relatives in the hospital. Several things visitors should keep in mind:

1. If you don't know what room the patient has been assigned, ask. Don't wander in and out of rooms until you find the right one.

2. Be prepared to give the first and last names of the patient when asking for directions.

3. Abide by the visiting hours and the number of persons allowed into a patient's room at one time. Remember, patients need dedicated time for treatments and procedures.

4. Do not bring small children to the hospital unless they are visiting their parent or sibling. You needlessly place them at risk by exposing them to infections.

5. Make sure any food you bring to the patient is allowed by the physician.

6. Never question the staff for information regarding the patient's diagnosis or condition. It is against the law for a health care provider to divulge patient information to an unauthorized individual. Ask the patient.

7. Get permission before plugging in your cellphone charger.

8. When taking the elevator, use public elevators. And when the doors open, stand back and allow the occupants to safely step out before entering. -- PATIENT-CENTERED NURSE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NURSE: If readers take to heart your suggestions in the spirit they were given, everyone will benefit. That visitors would charge into hospital elevators, wander the halls, barge into patients' rooms, and drag small children into sickrooms is an indication that there has been not only a decline in courtesy but also common sense.

Patients are in hospitals because they need intensive treatment and REST. Creating a party atmosphere in which the patient is expected to entertain numerous "guests" is physically and emotionally draining and a danger to the person's health.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband, "Charles," is dying, and we have decided to get remarried before he dies so he won't be alone at the end. (And also so I can receive his VA benefits when he's gone.) Is this morally wrong? I do take care of him, but not all the time because Charles likes living with his uncle and will remain there after we marry. I guess I just have a little guilt trip going on. -- GUILT TRIP IN TEXAS

DEAR GUILT TRIP: Charles earned his benefits. I see nothing morally wrong with people providing for someone they care for after their death. Unless Charles was coerced into his generosity, I can't see why you should feel guilty.

DEAR ABBY: I am turning 40 and have never been married. Lately, on dates, men have started asking me why I've never married. It makes me uncomfortable, and I don't know how to answer them.

I have always been attracted to emotionally abusive men and have always been the one to break things off. I was abused as a child and was also a victim of sexual trauma. I'm not sure if this is why abusive men keep showing up in my life.

I'd like to meet someone who is kind and stable. Is it too late, and how do I answer the question as to why I've never been married? -- FOREVER SINGLE IN CHICAGO

DEAR FOREVER SINGLE: Because someone asks a question does not compel you to do a psychological striptease. A way to answer without baring your soul would be to say that you haven't met the right man yet. (If you are attracted to abusive men, that's the truth.)

People are usually attracted to the familiar. Because of your background, you may not pick up on warning signs that might alert others that there is trouble ahead. This does not mean it's too late for you to find a caring, supportive life partner -- however, you might have an easier time of accomplishing it if you schedule some sessions with a licensed mental health professional. Old habits are hard to break, but it can be done.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband passed away four years ago, I donated his corneas to a local organization. I was told the donor family could write a letter to the recipients, who remain anonymous, telling them a little something about the donor but without divulging any personal data. I finally felt up to doing it a couple of years after the funeral.

I sent the letters to the organization, which forwarded them to the recipients. I was told not to expect a reply. I learned that two women in California had each received one of my husband's corneas.

I have not heard from either of these ladies, which I really don't understand. I don't want a pat on the back, but I'd love to know how the corneas changed their lives. It would help me know that my husband's death was not in vain. -- WIDOW IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR WIDOW: Your husband's death was not in vain. You did a wonderful thing in offering his corneas so that others might see. Not every surviving relative is as brave as you were to do that.

Frankly, it's hard to guess why you haven't heard from the recipients. I can't imagine that they aren't extremely grateful for what you did. However, many people have great difficulty expressing their feelings on paper. The lucky individuals who were given those corneas may be among them.