DEAR ABBY: I have been a nurse for 35 years, and over time, I have noticed a decline in simple courtesy from people who visit friends or relatives in the hospital. Several things visitors should keep in mind:

1. If you don't know what room the patient has been assigned, ask. Don't wander in and out of rooms until you find the right one.

2. Be prepared to give the first and last names of the patient when asking for directions.

3. Abide by the visiting hours and the number of persons allowed into a patient's room at one time. Remember, patients need dedicated time for treatments and procedures.

4. Do not bring small children to the hospital unless they are visiting their parent or sibling. You needlessly place them at risk by exposing them to infections.

5. Make sure any food you bring to the patient is allowed by the physician.

6. Never question the staff for information regarding the patient's diagnosis or condition. It is against the law for a health care provider to divulge patient information to an unauthorized individual. Ask the patient.

7. Get permission before plugging in your cellphone charger.

8. When taking the elevator, use public elevators. And when the doors open, stand back and allow the occupants to safely step out before entering. -- PATIENT-CENTERED NURSE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NURSE: If readers take to heart your suggestions in the spirit they were given, everyone will benefit. That visitors would charge into hospital elevators, wander the halls, barge into patients' rooms, and drag small children into sickrooms is an indication that there has been not only a decline in courtesy but also common sense.

Patients are in hospitals because they need intensive treatment and REST. Creating a party atmosphere in which the patient is expected to entertain numerous "guests" is physically and emotionally draining and a danger to the person's health.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband, "Charles," is dying, and we have decided to get remarried before he dies so he won't be alone at the end. (And also so I can receive his VA benefits when he's gone.) Is this morally wrong? I do take care of him, but not all the time because Charles likes living with his uncle and will remain there after we marry. I guess I just have a little guilt trip going on. -- GUILT TRIP IN TEXAS

DEAR GUILT TRIP: Charles earned his benefits. I see nothing morally wrong with people providing for someone they care for after their death. Unless Charles was coerced into his generosity, I can't see why you should feel guilty.

DEAR ABBY: I am turning 40 and have never been married. Lately, on dates, men have started asking me why I've never married. It makes me uncomfortable, and I don't know how to answer them.

I have always been attracted to emotionally abusive men and have always been the one to break things off. I was abused as a child and was also a victim of sexual trauma. I'm not sure if this is why abusive men keep showing up in my life.

I'd like to meet someone who is kind and stable. Is it too late, and how do I answer the question as to why I've never been married? -- FOREVER SINGLE IN CHICAGO

DEAR FOREVER SINGLE: Because someone asks a question does not compel you to do a psychological striptease. A way to answer without baring your soul would be to say that you haven't met the right man yet. (If you are attracted to abusive men, that's the truth.)

People are usually attracted to the familiar. Because of your background, you may not pick up on warning signs that might alert others that there is trouble ahead. This does not mean it's too late for you to find a caring, supportive life partner -- however, you might have an easier time of accomplishing it if you schedule some sessions with a licensed mental health professional. Old habits are hard to break, but it can be done.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband passed away four years ago, I donated his corneas to a local organization. I was told the donor family could write a letter to the recipients, who remain anonymous, telling them a little something about the donor but without divulging any personal data. I finally felt up to doing it a couple of years after the funeral.

I sent the letters to the organization, which forwarded them to the recipients. I was told not to expect a reply. I learned that two women in California had each received one of my husband's corneas.

I have not heard from either of these ladies, which I really don't understand. I don't want a pat on the back, but I'd love to know how the corneas changed their lives. It would help me know that my husband's death was not in vain. -- WIDOW IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR WIDOW: Your husband's death was not in vain. You did a wonderful thing in offering his corneas so that others might see. Not every surviving relative is as brave as you were to do that.

Frankly, it's hard to guess why you haven't heard from the recipients. I can't imagine that they aren't extremely grateful for what you did. However, many people have great difficulty expressing their feelings on paper. The lucky individuals who were given those corneas may be among them.

DEAR ABBY: I am an administrative assistant. Part of my job is to make the arrangements for our department Christmas party. Every year we go out in a group of about 15 people. I no longer wish to attend these events. Group settings make me nervous. In addition, we all have to buy gender-neutral gifts to exchange.

I have tried to talk with my boss about it, but he doesn't seem to understand. We have bi-monthly staff meetings, and after everyone is done with business, we always have discussion time for things other than work. Most of us have lunch together every day and talk then. We also have group birthday celebrations four times a year.

I get a sick feeling every time I think about going to this party, and then the headache of trying to choose a gift that won't be made fun of. (I am not good at it.) Last year I called in sick so I wouldn't have to attend. I have tried taking a personal day off, but then my boss gets mad at me. Should I be forced to go to this? -- NOT A GIFT PICKER IN ST. PAUL

DEAR NOT A GIFT PICKER: No, you shouldn't. Because you find these functions to be onerous, consider putting in a short appearance at the Christmas party and then "rushing off" because you have a "schedule conflict." As to your gift selection problem, at this time of year most people are inundated with catalogs with all sorts of offerings. Open a few, select any item in your price range and order it. Or consider a gift card. Problem solved.

DEAR ABBY: Is it OK to hang up the phone on someone who's making you angry on a personal call? I'm referring to adult conversations, not children calling each other.

For instance, when I'm talking to my husband, my mother or a friend and the conversation has deteriorated to an argument or become unbearable and insufferable, can I just hang up the phone? Or must I first blurt out, "I'm hanging up the phone now"?

Are there rules for hanging up the phone angry? Do manners require that phone calls must end by mutual agreement? Please, Abby, give us your permission to "cut off the crazies." -- SICK OF IT IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SICK OF IT: I do not think it is constructive to slam the phone down. If a caller becomes abusive, you could say, "I can't listen to this," or, "We'll talk later when you're not upset," before putting the phone down. However, if these ugly conversations happen often, you might be wise to consider screening your calls before answering.

DEAR ABBY: After reading about the woman who accidentally passed gas in the office after eating "beans, the musical fruit," I have to share the following:

An elderly married couple were attending church one Sunday when halfway through the sermon the wife turned to her husband and whispered, "I just let out a long, silent toot! What should I do?" The husband replied, "Replace the battery in your hearing aid!" -- ONLINE READER IN TEXAS

DEAR ONLINE READER: Versions of that joke have been around since Cary Grant told it to my mother -- but it's still funny. Thanks for sharing.