DEAR ABBY: My rapists are dead now, but I can see from the years since their attack what damage they have caused. I'm having medical complications that have developed over time, pain and suffering from those complications, PTSD and additional stress over pharmacy bills because of it. It has affected the way I feel about men, and I'm afraid it will be this way for the rest of my life.

My attackers caused a great financial burden on me because of the cost of psychological counseling and loss of income due to episodes of related illness and working beneath my potential. Rapists seem to think they're entitled to take what they want when they want it. I'm thinking perhaps they should be forced to take responsibility for the resulting cost to the person whose life they affected, which brings me to my question: Can women sue their rapists? -- ALTERED BODY AND SOUL

DEAR ALTERED: In this country, anybody can sue anyone for anything, but not someone who is dead. However, lawsuits can be emotionally and financially costly, and the question is whether the plaintiff can win. Some states offer financial assistance to victims of crime, which includes medical and dental expenses, counseling costs, funeral or burial expenses, and lost wages or support.

Because your rapists are deceased, it would be more practical for you to go online and visit www.victimsofcrime.org to explore what kind of compensation may still be available for you. I wish you luck in your pursuit of justice.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an only child; my husband is not. Our parents don't live nearby, and every year we have great debates over where to go for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Both sets of parents host both holidays at their homes.

My husband feels we should alternate, one year spend Christmas with his parents, the next with mine. I suggested that one year we host Christmas at our home. That way, both sets of parents could be with us, but his mother said no because her other children and grandchildren spend the holidays with them at her house.

Even though I know the fair thing to do would be to alternate, I do not want to leave my parents alone on the holidays because I'm their only child. They have no one else! But his mother expects us to be there for every holiday and gets upset if we aren't. I know this situation will only get worse once my husband and I have children. What should we do? -- HOLIDAY TROUBLE IN NEW YORK

DEAR HOLIDAY TROUBLE: Because a marriage is supposed to involve the joining together of two families into one, you might suggest to your mother-in-law that she extend an invitation to your parents for the holidays. But if she's unwilling or your parents are unable to travel, then I agree with your husband that you should alternate the holidays.

After you have children, this should be discussed again, because it is important that they get to know their cousins, and it will be easier to expose them when the family is all together -- whether it's at your home or your in-laws'.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my amazing husband for two years. He has worked his butt off to put me through school, and I am appreciative and thankful.

He has recently been offered a promotion, which means we will have to move from the South to the Midwest. Though I'm not a fan of the idea, I agreed it would be best for us. I grew up in the North, and took the chance to move down south at 18 because I was miserable there. I hate the possibility that I'll be miserable again, and I'm afraid I may end up resenting my husband.

If he passes up this opportunity, he may not get another. How can I curb my resentment for having to move to another state I'm pretty sure I won't be happy in? -- FLORIDA GIRL, FOR NOW

DEAR FLORIDA GIRL: One way would be to recognize that you are no longer the miserable 18-year-old girl you were when you moved down south. You have matured, you have a successful marriage and you won't be returning alone. Once you relocate, involve yourself in the community so you can make new friends. And last (but not least), because people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be, decide to make the best of this opportunity and ALLOW yourself to be happy.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my best friend to AIDS in '95, my father to cancer in '06 and my husband/lifetime partner to a heart attack in '07. My greatest support, John, moved away the following year. A father, friend and partner -- too many losses. John filled the holes in my heart, but he's also gone now, from leukemia.

I mourn my losses, but cherish the love I have been given. Please remind your readers to appreciate whom and what they have. Don't wait for a "special" day. Call the people you love today and tell them how much they mean to you. I'm calling my mother now. -- MIKE IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR MIKE: I'm sorry for the losses of your father, your best friend, your partner and John. I'm passing your message along because I, too, believe the time to hand roses to those we care about is when they are still able to smell them.

DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago, I finished knitting a baby blanket for a good friend. Shortly afterward, she miscarried. I hadn't yet given her the blanket, and now I'm not sure what to do with it.

It seems heartless to send it to her now, but after putting so much time and love into it, throwing it away or re-gifting it seems like a terrible option. How can I put this item to good use and cause as little pain as possible? -- ANXIOUS KNITTER IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR ANXIOUS: It would not be "re-gifting" to give the blanket to someone, since you never gave it in the first place. As I see it, you have a couple of options. You could hold onto it in case your friend becomes pregnant again. Or how about donating it to a worthy cause, such as a domestic violence shelter or Project Linus (projectlinus.org), which provides blankets to children in need? I'm sure if you do, it would be appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: My heart breaks when jokes are made about older children, especially sons, who still live at home. My son "Nick" has his own area of the house and cares for himself. His rent helps us greatly. My parents also live in another part of the house, and he helps with their needs sometimes.

Why does everyone make fun of these people without knowing the situation? Nick has a college degree and a good job, but the wages aren't what they were in relation to the cost of living. We both work full time, and so I rarely see him. He also travels for his job and can be gone for two weeks at a time. He used to own a home, but sold it to move out of state for work. When he came back, we set up this arrangement to benefit all of us.

People need to look at the whole picture before making a judgment. Abby, do you think this is an unacceptable arrangement? -- FAMILY EXTENDED IN KANSAS

DEAR FAMILY EXTENDED: Unacceptable? Not at all, if it's working for you and your family. In recent years it's become more common for adult children to live with their parents. People shouldn't rush to judgment if they don't have all of the facts.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has an extensive list of health issues, both mental and physical. His family has a history of cancer. Last week, we were given the news that he may have pancreatic cancer. He watched his brother die from the same disease, so we know that if he is diagnosed, he may not survive long. The doctors weren't able to make a definitive diagnosis, so there will be more testing. I love my husband with all my heart and have stood by him through everything.

My dilemma: After we got the news, I started thinking about what may happen to me after he dies. I thought about getting him more life insurance, selling the house, what to do with his belongings -- even where I would bury him. Am I a terrible person? I feel guilty for doing it and would appreciate your opinion. -- FILLED WITH ALL SORTS OF EMOTIONS

DEAR FILLED: Please stop beating yourself up. I can't think of a single reason why you should feel guilty for thinking rationally.

You and your husband are going through a traumatic health crisis right now. I hope his diagnosis of a terminal illness is premature and that you will enjoy many more happy years together. However, whatever lies ahead, the two of you are overdue for a conversation about what both of you would like to happen -- including a review of each other's health care powers of attorney.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a student in eighth grade. In September we had a shooting at the high school in my district. Honestly, I have no clue what to think.

My dad always said that being in South Dakota, we are safer from the craziness that happens in more populated areas. We have little to no bad/dangerous kids in our district, so I still can't wrap my mind around it. It feels surreal.

I'll be in high school next year, and I don't know how I'm going to cope with the idea that it could happen again. -- SCARED IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR SCARED: The student who acted out so violently may have suffered from a severe mental illness that wasn't properly treated, or may have been angry because he was bullied, excluded or felt discriminated against. While no one is 100 percent safe from violence these days, the chances of it happening to you are less if you treat others with the same respect and kindness with which you would like to be treated. If these concerns are preoccupying you, it's important that you continue to discuss them with your parents so they can give you the assurance you need.