DEAR ABBY: My heart breaks when jokes are made about older children, especially sons, who still live at home. My son "Nick" has his own area of the house and cares for himself. His rent helps us greatly. My parents also live in another part of the house, and he helps with their needs sometimes.

Why does everyone make fun of these people without knowing the situation? Nick has a college degree and a good job, but the wages aren't what they were in relation to the cost of living. We both work full time, and so I rarely see him. He also travels for his job and can be gone for two weeks at a time. He used to own a home, but sold it to move out of state for work. When he came back, we set up this arrangement to benefit all of us.

People need to look at the whole picture before making a judgment. Abby, do you think this is an unacceptable arrangement? -- FAMILY EXTENDED IN KANSAS

DEAR FAMILY EXTENDED: Unacceptable? Not at all, if it's working for you and your family. In recent years it's become more common for adult children to live with their parents. People shouldn't rush to judgment if they don't have all of the facts.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has an extensive list of health issues, both mental and physical. His family has a history of cancer. Last week, we were given the news that he may have pancreatic cancer. He watched his brother die from the same disease, so we know that if he is diagnosed, he may not survive long. The doctors weren't able to make a definitive diagnosis, so there will be more testing. I love my husband with all my heart and have stood by him through everything.

My dilemma: After we got the news, I started thinking about what may happen to me after he dies. I thought about getting him more life insurance, selling the house, what to do with his belongings -- even where I would bury him. Am I a terrible person? I feel guilty for doing it and would appreciate your opinion. -- FILLED WITH ALL SORTS OF EMOTIONS

DEAR FILLED: Please stop beating yourself up. I can't think of a single reason why you should feel guilty for thinking rationally.

You and your husband are going through a traumatic health crisis right now. I hope his diagnosis of a terminal illness is premature and that you will enjoy many more happy years together. However, whatever lies ahead, the two of you are overdue for a conversation about what both of you would like to happen -- including a review of each other's health care powers of attorney.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a student in eighth grade. In September we had a shooting at the high school in my district. Honestly, I have no clue what to think.

My dad always said that being in South Dakota, we are safer from the craziness that happens in more populated areas. We have little to no bad/dangerous kids in our district, so I still can't wrap my mind around it. It feels surreal.

I'll be in high school next year, and I don't know how I'm going to cope with the idea that it could happen again. -- SCARED IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR SCARED: The student who acted out so violently may have suffered from a severe mental illness that wasn't properly treated, or may have been angry because he was bullied, excluded or felt discriminated against. While no one is 100 percent safe from violence these days, the chances of it happening to you are less if you treat others with the same respect and kindness with which you would like to be treated. If these concerns are preoccupying you, it's important that you continue to discuss them with your parents so they can give you the assurance you need.

DEAR ABBY: I made a big mistake three years ago. When I found out my husband was cheating on me, I became vengeful and sought revenge. I ended up sleeping with my sister-in-law's boyfriend to get back at my husband and at her for some things she did in the past. It took my pain away -- for a bit.

Abby, I am not this kind of person. I'm not an evil, conniving tramp. I regret what I did every day, and I feel like garbage.

My sister-in-law and I haven't spoken since I decided to tell her the truth. My husband and I (miraculously) were able to work through our problems, and our relationship is stronger than ever. My sister-in-law and her boyfriend have remained together, and I don't speak to him anymore either.

What can I do to earn forgiveness? Is this even forgivable? How can I mend this family I helped tear apart? -- ONLY HUMAN IN HOUSTON

DEAR ONLY HUMAN: You might start by apologizing to your sister-in-law for the pain you caused her. But after that, the decision about whether she can forgive you or wants anything more to do with you will be up to her.

DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter, "Becca," just turned 6. One of her favorite things to do is role-play, which includes the prince (me) kissing her, sometimes at the end of a wedding ceremony. Becca also likes to sit on my lap.

My wife thinks I shouldn't allow her to sit there and that the interaction isn't appropriate. She says I may be mistaken for some kind of predator. It hurts me and Becca when I tell her we must find some other playtime scenario. I think it's harmless.

Who's right here? My wife or me? Is there an age a granddaughter reaches when this kind of interaction becomes taboo? What about giving her a goodbye kiss when she departs? -- BAFFLED GRANDPA IN EL PASO

DEAR BAFFLED: Do Becca's parents agree with your wife? I would be more concerned with whether they consider your playing Prince Charming to be inappropriate. At 6, I see no harm in it. When Becca is 8 or 9, your wife may have a point. Of course, by then she may prefer to be Supergirl rather than a princess, and have other objectives than being a bride.

As to kissing your granddaughter hello or goodbye, that's perfectly appropriate regardless of her age. And when you do, I seriously doubt anyone will mistake you for a predator.

DEAR ABBY: I married the woman of my dreams two months ago. I asked my father to be my best man and he accepted, but he didn't fulfill his duties. There was no bachelor party, no best man speech, and he and my mother left the reception after only an hour. I was hurt and disappointed.

I have avoided talking to him since. Should I tell him how much he hurt me, or just try to forgive and forget? -- LET-DOWN GROOM IN MACON, GA.

DEAR GROOM: I vote for doing both, if you can. When your father accepted the invitation, he may not have understood that being your best man would involve more than standing beside you at the altar. Why he and your mother would leave the reception early is puzzling, but it may have meant that for some reason they felt uncomfortable there. You need to explore that.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13 and in what I think is a serious relationship with "Josh." The problem is, his mom thinks I'm "mentally abusing" him.

I have never done anything to Josh to make her think that. She and I have had our disagreements and have not spoken for periods of time before, but nothing like this has ever happened.

I'm pretty sure I love Josh, and I don't want to lose him because of what his mom thinks of me. What should I do? -- PUZZLED IN INDIANA

DEAR PUZZLED: You didn't mention how old Josh is and how he feels about all the attention you're giving him, but I can offer a couple of suggestions. The first is to slow down. Take a step back so Josh can have some breathing room. The second is to try to make a friend rather than an enemy of Josh's mother, who may be worried about a 13-year-old girl who seems fixated on her son.

DEAR ABBY: I remarried when my son, "Kevin," was 5. He's now 20. My husband has always tried to be a good dad to him even though Kevin was challenging at times.

Kevin is now in the military. Before he left, he adopted a dog, "Leisel," that's a year old. Kevin will be deployed overseas for three years and wants us to take her. We have a dog and cat, a big yard and three teenage daughters who want Leisel, but my husband says no. He says it was a mistake to get the dog in the first place, and Kevin needs to learn a lesson and do the hard thing and give her up.

I agree it was a mistake, and I don't really want another dog, but I'm willing to do it for my son. Lots of parents get "stuck" with their kids' pets. They roll their eyes and just do it. Who is right? -- WILLING TO DO IT IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR WILLING: You are. This is no time to teach your son a lesson. With the international situation heating up as it seems to be, there's no telling where your son could wind up being stationed. Let him go with peace of mind knowing his pet will be well cared for until he returns.

DEAR ABBY: You probably wonder why I think this is a problem, but it is for me. I'm a single male, almost 77, who can easily pass for 50 or 55. The problem is friends, acquaintances and some strangers (in their 40s, 50s and 60s) think that because I look so much younger than my age, I should be able to perform the same physical tasks they do, which I can't. I have the same aches and pains as anyone else my age.

I'm flattered that I look younger, but how do I explain that because I look 50 to 55, doesn't mean I necessarily feel that way. I know, I know. Some people probably wish they had my problem. -- YOUNG/OLD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR YOUNG/OLD: I have news for you. There are plenty of people half your age who also have physical problems that prevent them from performing certain tasks -- including bad backs, bad knees, rotator cuff injuries and more. Because someone looks great doesn't necessarily mean that the person IS 100 percent. If you are asked to do something beyond your ability, be honest about it and say no.