DEAR ABBY: When reading letters in your column concerning breast cancer, my heart goes out to every single person who has ever been diagnosed with this terrible disease. I have no respect for any man who cuts and runs when his wife is diagnosed with cancer.

But what do you think about a woman who is diagnosed and whose husband remains with her through the fear and worry, the chemo, radiation, hair loss and all the follow-up? A husband who worries constantly for her and whose biggest fear is losing his wonderful wife, and after all this -- she leaves him for another man?

It has been more than seven years. I'm asking for feedback in the hope that people can view this issue not just from my perspective, but also from the afflicted loved one's perspective as well. -- STILL WONDERING

DEAR STILL WONDERING: A diagnosis of a life-threatening illness can make a marriage stronger or it can destroy it. While I'm reluctant to attribute a reason for what your wife did without hearing from her, I can't help but think that she left because the cancer made her realize how short life is and, as much as you loved her, the marriage wasn't a fulfilling one for her.

How sad for you, and I'm truly sorry. Because it's clear you haven't yet been able to get beyond what happened, you could benefit from discussing this with a licensed psychotherapist.

DEAR ABBY: I am considering proposing to my girlfriend, "Angela." My problem is, I'm having doubts because I don't know if she is "The One" -- or if such a thing really exists. I don't want to lose her because I'm searching for some mythical goddess on a pedestal. Angela is my best friend and I'd do anything for her. I don't want to string her along, but I'm not sure if what I'm experiencing is just cold feet.

Next year I will be in medical school through the military. I think I want to move our relationship forward, but I could use some advice. Please help me make sure I don't hurt her, either by proposing when I shouldn't, or by leaving in search of the Holy Grail of relationships. -- ANONYMOUS IN AMERICA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Why are you are putting this pressure on yourself now? Because you are unsure, you should leave for medical school. Once you are there, you will be immersed in your studies and you will also meet others. If your feelings for Angela are as strong as they are now after six months, revisit the idea of proposing marriage. But don't do it now if in your heart you're looking for a woman with qualities Angela doesn't possess, because it would be unfair to both of you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15 and live with my parents. My dad is an alcoholic who has finally figured out that he has had a problem for years. When I was in sixth grade, he left me once in the middle of the night (Mom was out of town) to go out drinking. Ever since that night, I have felt so much pain. I feel like I'm not important -- or why else would he leave me?

He thinks it's OK to talk to me about what he does and how much he regrets it. I love him, but I don't want to hear about how he got drunk the night before or anything like that! It has added a lot of stress to my life. I get all A's in school and I'm in accelerated classes, but recently it has become really hard to concentrate with all of this going on at home. What should I do? -- STRESSED TEEN IN WASHINGTON

DEAR STRESSED TEEN: Tell your mother exactly what you have told me. Your father appears to be trying to use you as his therapist to assuage his guilt about his drinking. Not only is this unfair to you, it is also not a solution to his problem. He should be talking about those things in a substance abuse meeting, not to his teenager.

Alateen is a support group for children of alcoholics. It would be helpful for you to go online and find the location of the nearest one. The website is www.al-anon.alateen.org, or you can call 1-888-425-2666. The group was formed for young people just like you, and you will find it not only informative, but also very helpful.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a partner in a small law firm. One of the secretaries has gotten into the habit of texting him somewhat inappropriate pictures. One of them was of a "willy warmer" for a penis. I know she thinks it's funny and harmless, but it bothered me. I think it was unprofessional and went beyond the boundaries of an employee relationship. If I mention it to my husband, he will know I looked at his phone messages, and I don't want him to think I don't trust him. Am I making too much of this? -- THE MRS., SOMEWHERE IN THE USA

DEAR MRS.: I don't think so. I agree that what the secretary did was unprofessional and inappropriate. As an attorney, your husband already knows that kind of communication could leave the company vulnerable in the future. You wouldn't have felt the need to check his cellphone if your woman's intuition wasn't telling you that you needed to, so get to the bottom of it now, before it escalates.

DEAR ABBY: I secretly married a man 14 years ago. No one knew about it. We lost contact for several years, but now we are talking again. I'd like to spend the rest of my life with him.

He's happy living where he is right now, but if we did get back together, people would assume I just let a man move in with me. I don't usually care what people say about me, but this is a small town!

If Mr. Wonderful gives me another chance, how should I handle this? And how should I introduce him to people? -- KIND OF MARRIED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR KIND OF MARRIED: There is nothing to be embarrassed about. If you never divorced, introduce him as your husband, of course. It's the truth. If you are questioned, all you need to say is, "We were married, became estranged, and now we're back together."

DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I bought our house, having children wasn't yet on our minds. The master bedroom is at one end of the house; the other two bedrooms are at the opposite end.

Two years into our marriage we got a surprise blessing -- a baby girl. She's now 3 and still sleeping in our room in her own toddler bed. She has great sleeping habits, and I don't think it would affect her to sleep in another room.

I am the problem. I can't bear to have her at the other end of the house. All I can think about are horror stories of babies and small children being snatched from their beds (from the window) while the parents sleep. What if something happens and I don't wake up? This may seem ridiculous to some, but it's a real fear for me. Can you offer some advice? -- PARANOID MOMMY IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR MOMMY: Baby monitors (and cameras) were invented to allay the fears of parents who sleep apart from their little ones. If that isn't reassurance enough, consider changing all the sleeping arrangements until your daughter is a bit older. Put her in one of the bedrooms at the other end of the house, and you and your husband take the one next to hers. Have the baby monitor next to your bed so you can hear her if she stirs during the night.

You might also consider getting a dog, who would certainly alert you should anyone attempt to enter your home after you and your husband are asleep.

DEAR ABBY: I have a daughter who is now 40 years old. Until she was 17, I didn't know she existed. She lives in another state, but we talk often. I consider us close.

Abby, I have been diagnosed with cancer and may not have much time left. I'm only 56. I was 16 when I was involved with her mother, homeless at the time and very naive. My problem is, although I have wracked my brain over the years I cannot remember actually having sex with her mother.

Nevertheless, I love this person very much and it would break my heart (and hers) if she wasn't mine. Should I tell her in case she might want to track down who her father is, if it's not me? I don't know how I'd approach her for a DNA test. -- URGENT DAD IN THE USA

DEAR URGENT: I'm so sorry to hear your prognosis. A gentle way to discuss this would be to explain that you have been diagnosed with cancer and may not have long to live. Tell her you love her, that in your heart she will always be your daughter, but that you are not 100 percent sure it is biologically true. Explain that you are saying it not to hurt or reject her, but only so that if she is not your child she may be able to locate the person who is, and she won't be fatherless when you are gone.