DEAR ABBY: A year ago, I ended a turbulent five-year relationship with my boyfriend, "Alex," that resulted in a special-needs child. Alex is not living in reality when it comes to our daughter's disabilities, and his family is not present in her life.

Our daughter, "Meghan," spent months in the hospital before she was healthy enough to come home, and Alex's family visited only a few times. I have tried to resolve the issues with Alex's family so our daughter can have a relationship with them, but it is still one-sided. Meghan's paternal family will send a present for her birthday or Christmas, but they spend no time with her. They have other grandchildren in other states that his mother drives hours to see, but she won't drive five minutes to see my daughter.

I'd like to start rejecting the gifts they send Meghan with a note explaining why. I find it disturbing that they'll spend money on my child, but are unwilling to spend time with her. I feel the gifts are a payoff. I don't want Meghan to feel like the odd man out when she's old enough to realize how she is treated compared to the other grandchildren. Abby, what are your thoughts? -- END OF MY ROPE

DEAR END OF MY ROPE: I hate to see you sever your already tenuous ties with Meghan's paternal family. Their behavior toward her may have something to do with the fact that she has disabilities, or the "turbulence" of your five-year relationship with their son.

If they would consent to it, I would recommend family counseling for all of you. However, if they won't, and because you feel that their lack of involvement in Meghan's life will eventually become hurtful to her, you are within your rights to reject their gifts and find more support for her within your own family.

DEAR ABBY: My son tells me no one wants to hang out with him at the small community college he attends. He is a handsome, loving, polite young man who earned the citizenship award three years in a row in elementary school. His sister and I were discussing that maybe he is being TOO polite and it could turn people off. No one likes the "nice guy." Do you have any advice I can give him? -- RAISED A GOOD BOY

DEAR RAISED A GOOD BOY: I disagree with your statement that no one likes a nice guy. Nice people like nice people. From this distance, I am unable to guess what your son's problem might be.

However, it is telling that you are seeking advice about his social problems, not him. The best advice you could convey to your son would be to talk about this with a counselor at school. Together, they may be able to figure out why he has trouble fitting in. You should also encourage him to get involved in activities, which should widen his circle of acquaintances.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, who has a beautiful head of dark curly hair, decided to let it grow. It is now about halfway down his back. Sometimes he braids it or pulls it into a ponytail. Other times he wears it down and it falls loose. The problem is, I can't bear to look at him.

He has always been clean-cut and had short hair. But as time has gone on and many of his friends have begun losing their hair, he says he wants to grow his out while he can.

I know that in the grand scheme of life, hair shouldn't be an issue, but I can't seem to get past this. I think it's because of the way he used to look. I can't talk to him about it because he really likes his hair. This feels like MY problem, but how can I deal with it? -- TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING

DEAR TOO MUCH: If you can't look at your spouse because his flowing tresses are a turnoff, this must be affecting many aspects of your marriage. Although he likes his hair long, if you address it in those terms he may be willing to listen. However, just as women should be free to wear their hair the way they want, the same should apply to males.

P.S. I'm surprised his friends want to hang around with a walking reminder that they are follicly challenged.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I went to a Mexican resort with five other couples for a seven-day vacation. On the second day, one of the wives, "Sandra," received the news that her sister "Kate" had died unexpectedly. The funeral would not be held until two days after we returned.

Sandra's husband was furious at the family member for calling. What did they expect her to do, hop a plane? We were all affected by Sandra's loss. The first two days all five couples were having a ball. After that call it was like someone popped the balloon -- it was never the same for any of us.

Some of us feel they could have waited until the last day before calling, although I personally think they should have waited until she got home. Sandra and Kate were completely dissimilar and not close. Even Sandra said, "Well, at least I had two good days of vacation." Should the family have waited? -- DISGUSTED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR DISGUSTED: It depends, I think, upon the dynamics in the sisters' family and to what degree Kate's death was a shock to everyone. When death happens out of the blue, people sometimes react emotionally rather than rationally, which may be why the relative called immediately.

I agree with the friends who said the sad news could have been conveyed on the last day of the trip. Had Sandra been told immediately upon her return home, she might have been grateful. On the other hand, she also might have been furious, saying, "How could you keep this from me!?" That said, in my opinion it would have been kinder to let Sandra and her husband enjoy their holiday, since it was already too late to rush to the sister's bedside.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 68-year-old woman. For the past seven years, I have lived with my daughter, my only child. We have always had a great relationship, and now as adults, we have a great friendship. She and her husband recently separated, and she now has a boyfriend. She has an excellent job and has been talking lately about asking for a transfer to Florida, 900 miles away.

I don't want to move anywhere. I have a part-time job I love and I don't want to give it up. All my family and friends live here. My ex-son-in-law has offered for me to come live with him. We have always had a good relationship.

So: Do I give up the rest of my life without seeing my only child every day and move in with her ex? Or do I move with her to Florida? In either case, I'll have to give up my very specialized job that is not transferable. Help! -- DECISIONS TO MAKE IN MARYLAND

DEAR DECISIONS: You and your daughter are not joined at the hip. While you won't be able to be with her every day, there is no reason you can't talk together on the phone or Skype. She should move alone to Florida and see how her relationship with her boyfriend works out, because there are no guarantees.

Since you and your former son-in-law are comfortable with the arrangement, give living with him a try. It says a lot about both of you that your relationship is such a warm one. If anything changes, re-evaluate your options then. But for now, some separation between you and your daughter might be good for both of you.

DEAR ABBY: My spouse and I are Buddhists, and we do not intend to raise our 2-year-old daughter as a Christian. We plan to teach her about various religions, but we want the opportunity to do so to be ours as parents.

I have discussed this at length with my parents. Nevertheless, they insist on teaching her Christian songs even though I have asked them to stop. I feel their refusal to follow my wishes on this matter is disrespectful. They had their opportunity to raise me the way they chose. Now it's my turn to raise my child as I choose.

How do I get them to take me seriously, short of telling them they can no longer see her? (I'd rather it not come to that.) -- CHANTING FOR PATIENCE IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR CHANTING: When are your parents teaching your child these songs? If they are doing it when she is with them without your supervision, limit their alone time with her. That should work in the short term. But realize that you can't shelter your daughter from Christianity and other religions forever, particularly as she grows older and the Christian holidays roll around with all the attendant marketing that surrounds them. Having awareness of and respect for other religions is important today, because not all people believe alike.