life

The New Girl at School Isn't Shy Around Boys

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 7th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 17-year-old girl in high school. Recently, I became friends with a new girl at school. She's 15. She has a boyfriend at her old school, but she talks to guys at this school she thinks are cute. She told me some of them want to hook up with her and she seems happy about it. She even talked about going to a school dance with them.

I'm worried she might be cheating on her boyfriend, but I don't know what to do. I don't know him, so I don't think I can tell him what's happening. When she mentioned the guys at school and I asked her, "What about your boyfriend?" she just kinda changed the subject. -- TEEN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TEEN: High school romances aren't like marriages. While some of them may last forever, most don't. That's why I'm advising you to take a step back, stay out of this girl's love life, and stop worrying about her old boyfriend. If she really cared about his feelings, she wouldn't be flirting with the boys at school. In time, he will find someone else to ease his broken heart.

TeensFriends & NeighborsWork & School
life

Man's Idea Of A Date Is Watching Tv

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 7th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I met someone I really like eight months ago. The problem is, I can't get him to do anything except sit at home and watch TV.

I have suggested doing things he is interested in. But when a friend called, he went out to a ballgame without hesitation. I had been asking him for months to go. He also went to a music festival with friends. But if I suggest anything, he can't do it. He says he will "sometime in the future," but how should I take this? We have never been out to eat or seen a movie.

Am I being childish or asking too much too soon? -- UNDERWHELMED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR UNDERWHELMED: Too soon? Eight months? You're not childish; you are thinking rationally. Sitting around and watching television requires no effort on his part -- and I'll bet you're providing the snacks, too. Forgive me for seeming judgmental, but the man you're involved with is acting like a self-centered mooch, and it's unfair to you.

Love & Dating
life

Uneasy Woman Bats Away Compliments At Work

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 7th, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I started a new job that requires me to deal with the public. I am now encountering an unexpected issue I didn't know I'd have with myself. It's receiving compliments.

On more than one occasion, men have told me I'm "beautiful." Instead of handling it gracefully, it makes me defensive and I seem rude without meaning to be that way. Comments of this nature make me extremely uncomfortable.

I've never had strangers tell me things like this before. My co-workers think I'm crazy for not eating it up, but I'm left feeling uneasy for the rest of the day. There has to be a better way of handling this than the way I have been. Any advice? -- DEFENSIVE IN ARKANSAS

DEAR DEFENSIVE: Yes. The best way to handle a compliment is to be gracious and accept it. Say thank you and refrain from using it as an excuse to parade your insecurities.

Work & SchoolEtiquette & Ethics
life

Family Offers Little Sympathy After Online Boyfriend's Death

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 6th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old woman. A few months ago, my boyfriend (my very first boyfriend) committed suicide. I feel absolutely destroyed.

The problem is, my family doesn't regard my feelings of grief seriously because our relationship was started and maintained online. We lived several states apart, and while we never met in person, we talked every night and video-chatted many, many times. My feelings for him were real.

I broke down when I heard the news, and I still hurt, but my family thinks I'm overreacting. They can't understand how a relationship with someone online can be serious. How can I make them recognize how much pain I'm in? The fact they refuse to recognize this loss hurts me so much more. What do I do? -- ALL ALONE IN LOUISIANA

DEAR ALL ALONE: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of someone you cared about so deeply. That your parents would minimize your feelings is sad, but it says more about them and their level of sensitivity than the depth of your relationship with him. Many serious relationships have started online, and marriages as well, and I understand you are left mourning all the things that might have been.

At 20, you are no longer a child. You can find emotional support elsewhere. Talk to your clergyperson, if you have one, or look online for a grief support group you can join. There you will be able to safely vent about your feelings with others who understand what you are experiencing right now.

DeathFamily & Parenting
life

Cheating Dad Continues To Harass Mom Who's Moved On

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 6th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced four years ago. Mom currently lives with my husband and me. We have a great relationship with her, and she never speaks ill of my father. She has moved on, found a new direction in life and a new boyfriend we all like very much.

Dad moved in with the woman he cheated on Mom with, but their relationship fell apart. He has never stopped speaking ill of Mom. When things aren't going well for him, he causes trouble by showing up at Mom's workplace and making a scene. He'll also come over to our house unannounced to talk badly about her.

He was a great father until a few years ago when all this trouble started. I feel torn between trying to continue a relationship with him or cutting him out of my life like a bad daughter. What should I do? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CAUGHT: Your father's behavior is sick. Depending upon how disruptive he is when he shows up at your mother's workplace, suggest she consider getting a restraining order preventing him from acting out that way. She must have a very understanding employer to have tolerated it, because that kind of disruption has been known to cost people their jobs.

And when your dad shows up at your home unannounced, speak up. Tell him you and your husband don't like it. Make clear that his nasty comments about your mother aren't welcome, and neither will he be, unless he calls first to see if a visit is all right with everyone. His misbehavior continues because you have allowed it.

Family & ParentingMarriage & DivorceWork & School
life

Daughter Avoids Mom's Calls After Exhausting Day at Work

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 5th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My mother calls me all the time. I answer sometimes, but sometimes I don't because I feel she wants to know too much about my life.

I work full time with the public. When I get home, I'm tired. I have talked to people all day long, and I really don't feel like entertaining her.

My mother tends to be negative, snotty and, most of the time, offensive. If there's a storm or an accident on the news, she calls me repeatedly until I call back. Who wants to call someone back who acts that way?

I try to be positive and upbeat. Sometimes she drains my energy. Do you have any advice for me? -- PUT OFF IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST

DEAR PUT OFF: Yes. Explain to your mother that at the end of the day you don't have the energy to carry on a lengthy conversation with her. It wouldn't be rude; it's the truth. If she calls because she's worried that the bad news she hears in the media could be about you, tell her that you have her listed as someone to contact if there is an emergency. Continue to be positive and upbeat, and stop hiding from your mother.

Family & Parenting
life

Exercise Courtesy At The Gym

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 5th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Would you PLEASE say a few words to those discourteous individuals in the gym who, even at 6 a.m., think it's all right to sit on a piece of exercise equipment, texting, while others wait to complete their weight-training workouts and get to work? -- TED ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR TED: The first rule of basic etiquette ANYwhere is to show consideration for the people around you. This applies not only to gym-goers who hog the equipment while texting, but also to the ones who carry on extended conversations while straddling the treadmill, sitting on equipment others are waiting to use, and failing to wipe away the perspiration they dripped on the machines while they were exercising.

Oh! And let's not overlook those who slather on perfume before going to the gym, despite the fact that as one sweats the odor is magnified -- or worse, people who "forget" to use deodorant. (Have I covered it all?)

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Teen Should Go On Strike Until Brother Pays What He Owes

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 5th, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and the only job I have is baby-sitting. My brother and his girlfriend ask me to baby-sit their two kids, ages 9 and 6. They haven't paid me for the last five times I've watched them. They say I should do it for free because it's my niece and nephew.

Shouldn't I get paid? What should I do? Shouldn't they pay me for the other times before I watch them again? -- WORKING TEEN IN IOWA

DEAR TEEN: If you had another way of earning money, I would say that, yes, you should watch your niece and nephew occasionally without charging. However, if your brother and his girlfriend agreed to pay in the past and have suddenly stopped, they are taking advantage of you. If that's the case, you have the right to deny your services until you receive what they owe.

A word of advice: This will happen less often if you communicate in advance that you charge for baby-sitting, how much you want to be paid and you expect that to happen at the time of service.

TeensMoneyFamily & Parenting

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