DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old woman. A few months ago, my boyfriend (my very first boyfriend) committed suicide. I feel absolutely destroyed.

The problem is, my family doesn't regard my feelings of grief seriously because our relationship was started and maintained online. We lived several states apart, and while we never met in person, we talked every night and video-chatted many, many times. My feelings for him were real.

I broke down when I heard the news, and I still hurt, but my family thinks I'm overreacting. They can't understand how a relationship with someone online can be serious. How can I make them recognize how much pain I'm in? The fact they refuse to recognize this loss hurts me so much more. What do I do? -- ALL ALONE IN LOUISIANA

DEAR ALL ALONE: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of someone you cared about so deeply. That your parents would minimize your feelings is sad, but it says more about them and their level of sensitivity than the depth of your relationship with him. Many serious relationships have started online, and marriages as well, and I understand you are left mourning all the things that might have been.

At 20, you are no longer a child. You can find emotional support elsewhere. Talk to your clergyperson, if you have one, or look online for a grief support group you can join. There you will be able to safely vent about your feelings with others who understand what you are experiencing right now.

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced four years ago. Mom currently lives with my husband and me. We have a great relationship with her, and she never speaks ill of my father. She has moved on, found a new direction in life and a new boyfriend we all like very much.

Dad moved in with the woman he cheated on Mom with, but their relationship fell apart. He has never stopped speaking ill of Mom. When things aren't going well for him, he causes trouble by showing up at Mom's workplace and making a scene. He'll also come over to our house unannounced to talk badly about her.

He was a great father until a few years ago when all this trouble started. I feel torn between trying to continue a relationship with him or cutting him out of my life like a bad daughter. What should I do? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CAUGHT: Your father's behavior is sick. Depending upon how disruptive he is when he shows up at your mother's workplace, suggest she consider getting a restraining order preventing him from acting out that way. She must have a very understanding employer to have tolerated it, because that kind of disruption has been known to cost people their jobs.

And when your dad shows up at your home unannounced, speak up. Tell him you and your husband don't like it. Make clear that his nasty comments about your mother aren't welcome, and neither will he be, unless he calls first to see if a visit is all right with everyone. His misbehavior continues because you have allowed it.

DEAR ABBY: My mother calls me all the time. I answer sometimes, but sometimes I don't because I feel she wants to know too much about my life.

I work full time with the public. When I get home, I'm tired. I have talked to people all day long, and I really don't feel like entertaining her.

My mother tends to be negative, snotty and, most of the time, offensive. If there's a storm or an accident on the news, she calls me repeatedly until I call back. Who wants to call someone back who acts that way?

I try to be positive and upbeat. Sometimes she drains my energy. Do you have any advice for me? -- PUT OFF IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST

DEAR PUT OFF: Yes. Explain to your mother that at the end of the day you don't have the energy to carry on a lengthy conversation with her. It wouldn't be rude; it's the truth. If she calls because she's worried that the bad news she hears in the media could be about you, tell her that you have her listed as someone to contact if there is an emergency. Continue to be positive and upbeat, and stop hiding from your mother.

DEAR ABBY: Would you PLEASE say a few words to those discourteous individuals in the gym who, even at 6 a.m., think it's all right to sit on a piece of exercise equipment, texting, while others wait to complete their weight-training workouts and get to work? -- TED ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR TED: The first rule of basic etiquette ANYwhere is to show consideration for the people around you. This applies not only to gym-goers who hog the equipment while texting, but also to the ones who carry on extended conversations while straddling the treadmill, sitting on equipment others are waiting to use, and failing to wipe away the perspiration they dripped on the machines while they were exercising.

Oh! And let's not overlook those who slather on perfume before going to the gym, despite the fact that as one sweats the odor is magnified -- or worse, people who "forget" to use deodorant. (Have I covered it all?)

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and the only job I have is baby-sitting. My brother and his girlfriend ask me to baby-sit their two kids, ages 9 and 6. They haven't paid me for the last five times I've watched them. They say I should do it for free because it's my niece and nephew.

Shouldn't I get paid? What should I do? Shouldn't they pay me for the other times before I watch them again? -- WORKING TEEN IN IOWA

DEAR TEEN: If you had another way of earning money, I would say that, yes, you should watch your niece and nephew occasionally without charging. However, if your brother and his girlfriend agreed to pay in the past and have suddenly stopped, they are taking advantage of you. If that's the case, you have the right to deny your services until you receive what they owe.

A word of advice: This will happen less often if you communicate in advance that you charge for baby-sitting, how much you want to be paid and you expect that to happen at the time of service.

DEAR ABBY: In my opinion, too many young people today are shortchanged when it comes to manners and etiquette. The knowledge of how wonderful it is to receive written acknowledgment of gifting is rapidly fading.

A quick note of appreciation for any kind of thoughtful gesture lifts the giver's spirit. Receiving recognition for a tangible gift, time spent lending a hand or a shared meal puts a smile on his or her face. These things are not entitlements; they are gifts from the heart.

I urge young parents to teach this courteous gesture to their children. Abby, I know your letters booklet has a section on thank-yous. Maybe it's time you mention it again. -- SHERRIE IN CHEHALIS, WASH.

DEAR SHERRIE: If there is one topic that shows up repeatedly in my mail, it's thank-you notes -- or, rather, the lack of them. It's such a common aggravation that I receive dozens of complaints in every batch of emails or letters I receive. While letter-writing may always be a chore to some people, there are occasions when the written message is the only proper means of communication.

My Dear Abby Letters Booklet was written to serve as a guide to those who put off writing because they don't know what to say or how to say it. It contains sample letters for readers to use to show appreciation for a birthday, Christmas, shower or wedding gift.

There are also examples of letters that are difficult to write, such as expressing condolences to someone who has lost a parent, a child, or for an untimely death such as a suicide or an overdose. My letters booklet can be ordered by sending your name, mailing address, plus a check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.) And remember Rule No. 1: The important thing about letter-writing is to say what you want to say, say it so you can be easily understood, and say it so that it sounds like you.

DEAR ABBY: My parents are refusing to pay for me to attend my dream school after learning that I am sexually active with my boyfriend of two years. (They liked him very much prior to learning this.) He's in school in France.

They say it would be a "sin" to pay for me to attend school in the same city he's in, and they expect me to stay home and go to a local community college. Would it be wrong to disobey their wishes and take out my own student loans? -- PARENTS VS. BOYFRIEND IN FRANCE

DEAR P VS. B: I not only think it would be wrong, I'm afraid it could be a disaster for you. What if the relationship doesn't work out? When you take out those loans, you will be responsible for repaying that debt for many years.

Before you make that decision, I urge you to carefully consider the kind of jobs that will be available in the field you're interested in pursuing. If what you're really interested in pursuing is your boyfriend, you might be better off staying home.