DEAR ABBY: I was invited to a small gathering of women. I arrived punctually, was greeted by the hostess and asked if I wanted some water to drink. I accepted. As I looked around the room, everyone else had a glass of wine. When one other woman arrived a little while later and joined our group, the hostess asked her if she wanted wine or water to drink.

I have never abused alcohol. Why was I not given a choice? I later found out that all the other women had been given a "show up" time that was a half-hour earlier than my "show up" time.

I am hurt by the way I was treated. What are your thoughts? -- SECOND-CLASS CITIZEN IN FLORIDA

DEAR SECOND-CLASS CITIZEN: I think your hostess could learn a few things about hospitality, because you were treated shabbily. As it stands, you have nothing to lose by asking her why because I can't imagine that you would ever accept another invitation from the woman if one is offered.

DEAR ABBY: At what point should grown kids in their 20s pay for their own "extras" (cellphone, gas, movies, gym memberships)? In my opinion, if they can't afford these luxuries, they should get a second job or do without. My husband, on the other hand, thinks they should be "rewarded" simply for being good kids.

At this stage in their lives, I think gifts should be reserved for birthdays and Christmas only and that we have been raising kids with a sense of entitlement that may be detrimental to their future (and to our retirement). What are your thoughts on this? -- ODD WOMAN OUT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ODD WOMAN OUT: My thoughts are these: If you are truly concerned that your husband's generosity could have a negative impact on your retirement savings, then he may be overly generous. If the "children" expect these gifts and don't realize how lucky they are to be receiving this kind of largesse, the gifts should be stopped. However, if neither of these things is true and your husband derives pleasure from doing this for them, you should stay out of it.

DEAR ABBY: Six months ago my brother told me he vapes. At first I didn't think much of it. Because I pride myself on how well I keep secrets, I haven't told our parents. But now his grades have started sliding, and I wonder if there's a connection.

He's going into his senior year of high school and his graduation is on the line. If vaping has had an effect on his grades, it might be best for me to tell our parents and figure things out from there. I don't know what the right choice is. What should I do? -- HOLDING A SECRET IN WASHINGTON

DEAR HOLDING: From what I have been reading lately, some teens have begun vaping marijuana, which is known to impair memory. Depending upon what substance your brother has been vaping, it could definitely be why his grades have dropped.

Secrets that can pose a danger shouldn't be kept because they are not harmless. I think your instinct is to share your concerns with your parents, and I concur.

DEAR ABBY: I am a widow in my early 50s. While I was dating a prominent OB-GYN, I found out that he's involved in criminal activity -- operating a so-called "pill mill." On our last date he asked me to join an escort service he was starting.

I notified the medical board of the state he's practicing in and various government agencies. It amazes me that he is still practicing. He's doing abortions, which means he has access to vulnerable young women. Knowing this, I have lost trust in our medical establishment. Nothing seems to affect this man's success and practice.

I have given up and am moving far away. What should I do? Have I done everything possible? This is obviously a very difficult situation for me. I am deeply concerned about his patients. I'm getting therapy now for my trust issues because of this experience. Is there anything else I should be doing? -- MS. X, SOMEWHERE IN THE USA

DEAR MS. X: Having notified the proper authorities about this man's activities, you have done everything you can. The only thing left is for you to concentrate on healing yourself, and your therapist can help you with that. I wish you luck in your recovery.

DEAR ABBY: I wrote to you about my 97-year-old mother who was in failing health. My question was how to notify her out-of-state elderly friends with news of her passing when the time came. My idea was to use her address book/Christmas card list for addresses and then print a copy of her obituary with a short message thanking those friends for their letters, cards and support during her life. You sent me back a note that positively reinforced my idea.

My mother passed away earlier this year. I mailed the letters and received a response from almost every single person. Each one thanked me for letting them know the sad news. With your encouragement, I was able to handle this matter with respect and dignity. Thank you so much. -- GAYLE IN ARIZONA

DEAR GAYLE: You're welcome. I occasionally hear from readers asking if people I have advised actually follow my advice. I'm pleased my encouragement worked well for you. Thank you for letting us know.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for five years and have three wonderful children between us. Now, after a year of living together, we have begun to talk about marriage.

We are happy, but we are introverted people and our main focus at this time is on raising our kids. This has left us with few friendships and only a couple of close family members. If we do decide to get married, I'm worried about how many people we would be able to invite or if there would even be enough people to be in the ceremony itself. Do you have any suggestions for this kind of situation? -- SHY BRIDE IN KANSAS

DEAR SHY BRIDE: Yes, I do. A wedding doesn't have to be big and fancy to be beautiful and meaningful. That's why I suggest you and your boyfriend be married quietly in a ceremony officiated by a justice of the peace or clergyperson of your choice. Ask your relatives and close friends to accompany you while you take your vows and have a small celebration afterward commensurate with your budget.

DEAR ABBY: I am happily married to a great man. I have a young daughter from a previous marriage, and my husband has two teenagers, a boy and girl, from a prior marriage. Like many blended families, we have our struggles, but one is becoming increasingly difficult to deal with.

I don't know how to put this tastefully, but I'll state it this way: My stepchildren are "too close," if you know what I mean. They flirt, constantly touch each other and playfully tease each other. (A few people have even mistaken them for a couple.) My husband doesn't seem to notice this unhealthy behavior. How can I get through to my husband or deal with this? -- REPULSED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR REPULSED: Was the relationship between your husband's children making you uncomfortable before you married their father? If so, did you bring it to his attention at that time?

Family relationships can vary, and because I haven't witnessed what you have observed, I can't advise you other than to suggest that family counseling might be in order to determine whether the kids have a normal sibling relationship or if it has gone over the line.

DEAR ABBY: Last spring we helped our daughter's longtime friend move out of the college dorm room she shared with our daughter. Her parents are divorced and weren't available to help her move or give us money to help her, and she had just broken up with her boyfriend.

We rented a van and offered to let her stay at our home as long as she helped pay for groceries and got a job. She got the job, but never helped pay for food or did anything around the house, including keeping her room clean.

After two weeks, she and her boyfriend got back together, and she was spending every night with him at his parents' house. She would return to our home to eat, wash clothes, shower and use the Internet. I finally had to tell her this was not acceptable, and that she needed to decide to either live here or move in with her boyfriend. She moved out.

Now, it is uncomfortable when she comes around. I don't feel I did anything wrong, but my daughter thinks I shouldn't have made a big deal out of her sleeping at her boyfriend's house and using our house as a place to park her stuff, eat and wash her clothes. What do you think? -- NO TIME FOR FREELOADERS

DEAR NO TIME: You were generous to be as supportive as you were of your daughter's former roommate. This has nothing to do with her sleeping at her boyfriend's. You asked only that she behave like an adult and contribute by paying for her food and keeping her room clean. She didn't keep her part of the bargain. You shouldn't feel uncomfortable; she should, for not behaving responsibly.