DEAR ABBY: I have a friend whose 11-year-old grandson stays overnight with her sometimes on the weekends. She has only one bedroom, and I'm concerned because he still sleeps with her in the same bed.

I have mentioned it to her many times, and she says there is nothing wrong with it. I even purchased a nice air mattress, very easy to inflate, which she accepted but doesn't use. I'm upset by this situation. I know she sometimes sleeps in revealing night clothes, although I don't know if she does when her grandson is there.

I find this sick and twisted. I am counting on you to set my friend straight and save this young boy from future turmoil. -- PROTECTIVE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR PROTECTIVE: There is an old French saying that approximately translates, "Evil be he who thinks evil of it." I see nothing sick or twisted about a boy who occasionally stays with his grandma and shares her bed, particularly if that's the way it has always been.

When he grows so big that the bed becomes too crowded for his comfort, I'm sure he'll let Granny know. Ultimately, the boy's parents are the ones responsible for his safety. It's likely they know about and approve of the sleeping arrangements.

DEAR ABBY: With online dating becoming popular with older people, I have a question.

Most of us who were married for a number of years and had a good mate learned a lot about how to make life exciting and are experienced about sex. When we meet someone online and start to become involved, how and when would it be the right time to bring up the subject of sex?

For those of us in our later years, sex is usually different than when we were 35. Then there's the subject of STDs. Can we bring that up? In rural and small towns, older women, unlike younger women, are shy about talking about sex. When we start to get serious with someone, shouldn't we find out what they are willing to do and what they won't? -- LOOKING AHEAD IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR LOOKING AHEAD: Your letter will be of interest to anyone who has been out of the dating scene for a long time. The subject of sex should be addressed once you are comfortable with a person and there is a mutual attraction. Both people's sexual histories should be talked about before you "do the deed." (If you can't talk about it, then you shouldn't do it.) When it does happen, insist that protection is used.

Too often people assume that because there's snow on the roof that there isn't fire in the furnace. News flash: Older folks can and do have active sex lives. So if you're going to "play," be prudent. Some seniors have been shocked to learn they were infected with an STD because they assumed their partner was safe.

DEAR ABBY: My wife used the search feature for the Ashley Madison emails and discovered an old account I had signed up for late one night, before we were together. I had forgotten all about it. When she brought it up, I panicked and lied because I was embarrassed, but immediately told her what it was. She was upset, but I explained the situation and that I hadn't even thought about it since we have been together.

Now I feel hurt that she didn't trust me and felt the need to check, using the guise that "some emails were hacked." But she didn't check hers, just mine. I am upset that she checked, as I have never done anything to deserve this. How do I get over it without starting a huge fight? I am now more irritable and closed off, and this is hurting our marriage. -- HURT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HURT: Rather than avoid a fight, tell your wife how hurt you are that she felt she needed to check up on you, and insist this be discussed with the help of a licensed marriage counselor so you can both lay your cards on the table. You need to understand why your first instinct was to lie to her, and she needs to level with you about why she felt compelled to see if you were in that database. There are times when a confrontation can be healthy, and this may be one of them.

DEAR ABBY: Our beautiful, talented teen daughter started cutting several years ago. She is getting help for her depression and the bullying that contributed to it, but she no sooner lets one set of cuts heal than she makes more. Sometimes I think she does it to try to limit people's expectations of her.

Abby, we talked to her about drugs, sex, distracted driving, all the things we thought were important, but cutting wasn't even on our radar! We have now learned cutting involves more than 14 percent of young girls, and to some degree is a social issue, in that they learn about cutting as a coping mechanism from each other. At a young age it can seem exciting, edgy and rebellious -- even a way to "fit in" with a group.

Please advise other parents to talk to their children about this and, please, ask for feedback from people who are former cutters. She may listen to what they have to say, as opposed to her dumb old parents. -- HEARTBROKEN MOM FROM ANYWHERE

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: If your daughter is under a doctor's care and continuing to harm herself, it's time to consult another one because this one hasn't addressed the root of her problem. If readers who have conquered a cutting addiction would like to chime in on this, I will either print their comments or forward them to you.

DEAR ABBY: A few days before my boss's wife gave birth, her father was tragically killed in an airplane accident. I want to congratulate my boss and his wife on the birth of their daughter, but I also want to pay respects to her father's passing. What is the etiquette in this case? -- HAPPY AND SAD IN ITALY

DEAR HAPPY AND SAD: The most diplomatic approach would be to send your congratulations and your condolences separately rather than try to combine them.

DEAR ABBY: I have anger issues and sometimes I take it out on the ones I love. When my fiancee recently told me we are having a child, I hoped my attitude would change. It hasn't, and at times it has gotten worse. I hit her last night and it left a mark.

I feel awful for the pain I continue to cause her, and I keep telling myself "this is the last time." I know she should drop me and be done with this abusive relationship, but she believes in me and holds onto the hope that better days are around the corner. I know the things I have done will never be forgotten. How can I fix this? Or is it too late and we are both lying to ourselves? -- ASHAMED IN ANAHEIM, CALIF.

DEAR ASHAMED: It isn't too late IF you are willing to seek professional help for your anger issues. Change isn't easy, but it is possible if you are willing to put in the effort and find ways of coping with your anger other than lashing out at those closest to you. Your physician should be able to refer you to a therapist who can help you. However, if that's not feasible, contact your county department of mental health about counseling.

If you hit your pregnant girlfriend again, you could seriously injure her or your baby, so please don't wait to talk to someone. While I empathize with her loving and having faith in you, she must now put the child she is carrying first. If you assault her again, she should call the police. But I would rather you get help for your problem on your own than your having a criminal record and court-ordered anger management.

DEAR ABBY: I came into a large sum of money because of an accident a relative of mine was in about a year ago. I spent it on a variety of items for myself, my husband and my mother. I paid off some debt and medical bills, and we also made two significant purchases as well as many small ones. Seventy-five percent of the money has been spent. I am OK with that and so is my husband.

My financial adviser, who has been managing two of the beneficiary accounts from the accident, has asked me about the other funds I received. I know to some people I was irresponsible and I should have saved as much as I could. I'm nervous about telling him what I chose to do. I'm afraid he'll judge me for not being more frugal with the money.

Truth be told, it isn't his business how that money was spent because he wasn't managing it for me. How should I tell him about it? I feel like a typed letter is my best bet. -- NERVOUS IN KOKOMO, IND.

DEAR NERVOUS: I hope you realize that you are thinking like a guilty child and not the adult you are now. If you prefer to answer your money manager's question via a typed letter, that is your privilege.

However, it would be quicker and faster if you stop worrying about his reaction, pick up the phone and talk to the man. I agree it's not his job to "judge" you, but he would not be acting in your best interest if he didn't advise you how to provide for your future with the monies you have left after the spending spree you have described. Be prepared for it, and please do not regard anything he says as criticism from a scolding parent, because he's not your father.