life

Teen Becomes Tongue-Tied When She Tries to Say Thanks

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 3rd, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 17-year-old girl, and all my life I have had trouble accepting gifts, even inexpensive ones. I do believe it's the thought that counts, but I have trouble expressing gratitude.

An example: My brother was disappointed by my reaction when he got me soap shaped like a rock last Christmas. My smile was forced. I feel anxious when I get presents, no matter what they are.

I have started seeing someone, and I was planning to save up for a really nice present for him. But when he said he wanted to do the same, I felt uncomfortable. What's a great line I can use to express my gratitude -- "I'm happy that you thought of me"? -- SEARCHING FOR WORDS OUT WEST

DEAR SEARCHING FOR WORDS: Always say thank you. After that, you might express that the item is "beautiful" or that you like the style or the color. In a case like your brother's gift, you could have said, "Wow! This gift rocks!"

TeensEtiquette & Ethics
life

Friends Throw Water On Woman's Plan To Become A Plumber

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 3rd, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am 29, independent, single and have a steady job. I'm planning on going back to school to become a certified plumbing technician.

Here's the catch: I'm a woman, and because I'm female, some people make comments like, "You don't want to do that. It's working with other people's ----!" Yes, this is really because I'm female.

I have tried explaining that plumbing doesn't just involve unclogging toilets and that I feel it's a good choice for me, but I still get these stupid comments. One woman in particular I work with won't stop trying to talk me out of it. I think it's my choice and she's being rude. Is there a polite way to convince her without being rude? -- MS. PLUMBER IN LANCASTER, PENN.

DEAR MS. PLUMBER: Try this: "Plumbers make good money. Right now, I'm making 'this' much, but once I complete the course I'll be earning ( )" If that doesn't convince her, nothing will.

Work & SchoolEtiquette & Ethics
life

Man Insists On Having Tv With His Dinner

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 3rd, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Is there any hope for a man who refuses to turn off the TV during dinner? When I tell him dinner is on the table, he waits until it's cold and then continues to watch the program from the dinner table and ignore me. I have asked him to please turn off the TV during meals, but he won't.

He gobbles his food and doesn't close his mouth. Food drops out of the side of his mouth, and it's disgusting to see. Have you any suggestions? -- OVER IT IN STOCKTON, CALIF.

DEAR OVER IT: Your husband's behavior is passive-aggressive, and I can't help but wonder what he's punishing you for. It's sad that he has such atrocious table manners and such little consideration for your feelings. I "suggest" you stop trying to serve him a hot meal, let him get his own food from the kitchen and eat it in front of the television when he's hungry, while you eat separately -- preferably out with friends.

Etiquette & EthicsMarriage & Divorce
life

Caregivers for Sick Pets Also Deserve Respite From Stress

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 2nd, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Our family dog recently passed away after a year-long decline. I had grown up with him. He had reached the point where he needed daily care for his body, even though his mind was 100 percent there. Near the end, things got very bad. I got only about four hours of broken sleep a night caring for him, and no one in the family would help me. During part of his daily care routine, he had a second accident all over the freshly cleaned floor. I lost it and hit him.

He's gone now, and I can barely live with myself. When I think about it, I get nauseated and dry-heave. I literally hate myself. In my book, exhaustion doesn't give anyone the right to do what I did. I'm old enough to know better. This makes me want to change my life plans and never have another pet or have children -- just in case. Am I right? -- LOWLIFE IN THE USA

DEAR "LOWLIFE": Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your beloved furry friend. While what happened is regrettable, you are wrong to beat yourself up the way you are. There is something called "caregiver burnout," which I'm advising you to research. When caregivers are stressed and sleep-deprived, mental health advisers urge them to find respite care for their patient. Lack of sleep can cause people to react badly.

If your family had been more supportive and you had had proper rest, you probably would not have snapped. What happened does not mean you are doomed to repeat this with another pet or a child.

Death
life

Daughter-In-Law Will Text, But Not Talk

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 2nd, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have a daughter-in-law I would like to get to know. "Karla" and my son have been married for four years. My dilemma is texting. Karla refuses to carry on conversations on the phone or in person. Everything has to be texted. When I have explained to her that I wanted to get to know her better and felt that texts were impersonal, she claimed that they are all she has time for between working and taking care of the children.

I don't mind watching the children; I'd just like to know a day in advance unless it's an emergency. Abby, she is rude, disrespectful and treats me like a servant rather than a family member. Am I wrong to expect non-emergency things to be scheduled in advance, or is it acceptable to text and say, "Hey, I need you to watch the kids. Be here at noon"? -- HURT FEELINGS

DEAR HURT FEELINGS: No, you're not wrong. The next time you receive a text like the one you quoted, send one back that says, "Not available then -- need more warning. Ask sooner next time."

Family & Parenting
life

Who The Heck Is Pete?

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 2nd, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am blessed to be 70 years old and have few problems. Your column today got me wondering about something. You answered, "For Pete's sake..." to a question. I just wondered, who is Pete? I have heard the expression all my life and am just curious. -- DALE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR DALE: That's a good question, because I didn't know where the phrase came from either. "For Pete's sake" is a mild oath. According to my online research, it's a cleaned-up version of what was originally "For Christ's sake."

life

Man Can't Cope With Pregnant Girlfriend and Ailing Ex-Wife

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 1st, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My situation is upsetting and I don't know what to do anymore. My girlfriend, "Dana," is pregnant. My ex-wife showed up at our door with terminal cancer and nowhere to go. When I told her she could stay with us, Dana moved out.

There is no one that my ex can rely on except me. I am torn. I love Dana and don't want to lose her, but I can't turn my back on someone who has no one in her life who cares. I wish Dana could understand what I'm going through. Please help. -- IN TURMOIL IN WISCONSIN

DEAR IN TURMOIL: Are you absolutely certain about your ex-wife's prognosis? Have you verified it? Why is she your ex-wife? Why are you the only one in her life who cares? Has she burned all her other bridges?

Without more information, your question is a tough one to answer. But if you love Dana, then the wrong woman is living with you. While you don't have to turn your back on your ex if she truly is terminal, you should absolutely find her other living arrangements.

Love & DatingMarriage & DivorceHealth & Safety
life

Fiance's Choice Of Reading Material Raises Suspicions

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 1st, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am five years older than my fiance. He has never been married and has a daughter. We have been together for a few years, and something has happened to make me wonder about him.

I thought it was funny that he bought Cosmopolitan magazine every month and talked about his flat belly. But I recently found my Victoria's Secret catalog hidden in his toolbox. I have also seen him look at other, much younger women. Am I making something out of nothing? -- SUSPICIOUS IN MAINE

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Yes. All men "look." It goes along with being male. As to his having stashed your lingerie catalog in his toolbox, that's rather chaste considering the number of men who buy Playboy, Hustler and watch online videos.

I don't know what conclusions you're jumping to, but you'll be better off clearing the air with your boyfriend rather than stewing about it. If you do it good-naturedly, it shouldn't make him defensive, and you'll get the answers you're looking for.

Love & DatingSex & Gender
life

Teen Is Just Polite To Mom She Doesn't Like

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 1st, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and lead a pretty good life. I attend a fantastic school, do well, have lots of friends and am overall happy. I have siblings and a mom who love me. The thing is -- I don't love her. It's not because of "teenage angst"; I just don't like her as a person. I'm polite to her and she doesn't know how I feel. How should I handle this? -- CONCERNED DAUGHTER IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR CONCERNED DAUGHTER: I think you should "handle it" by keeping your trap shut. Not every mother likes/loves her daughter all the time either, but the feeling usually passes. Consider this: Because you have so many positive things going on in your life, your mother may have had something to do with it, so try to be a little less judgmental.

TeensFamily & Parenting

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Two Degrees
  • Lulu
  • Good Enough
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
  • Mother of the Groom Prefers Not to Attend Bachelorette Party Bar Crawl
  • Neighborhood Politician Ruffles Feathers
  • LW Finds Cemetery Picnics a Weird Practice
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2022 Andrews McMeel Universal