life

Caregivers for Sick Pets Also Deserve Respite From Stress

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 2nd, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Our family dog recently passed away after a year-long decline. I had grown up with him. He had reached the point where he needed daily care for his body, even though his mind was 100 percent there. Near the end, things got very bad. I got only about four hours of broken sleep a night caring for him, and no one in the family would help me. During part of his daily care routine, he had a second accident all over the freshly cleaned floor. I lost it and hit him.

He's gone now, and I can barely live with myself. When I think about it, I get nauseated and dry-heave. I literally hate myself. In my book, exhaustion doesn't give anyone the right to do what I did. I'm old enough to know better. This makes me want to change my life plans and never have another pet or have children -- just in case. Am I right? -- LOWLIFE IN THE USA

DEAR "LOWLIFE": Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your beloved furry friend. While what happened is regrettable, you are wrong to beat yourself up the way you are. There is something called "caregiver burnout," which I'm advising you to research. When caregivers are stressed and sleep-deprived, mental health advisers urge them to find respite care for their patient. Lack of sleep can cause people to react badly.

If your family had been more supportive and you had had proper rest, you probably would not have snapped. What happened does not mean you are doomed to repeat this with another pet or a child.

Death
life

Daughter-In-Law Will Text, But Not Talk

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 2nd, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have a daughter-in-law I would like to get to know. "Karla" and my son have been married for four years. My dilemma is texting. Karla refuses to carry on conversations on the phone or in person. Everything has to be texted. When I have explained to her that I wanted to get to know her better and felt that texts were impersonal, she claimed that they are all she has time for between working and taking care of the children.

I don't mind watching the children; I'd just like to know a day in advance unless it's an emergency. Abby, she is rude, disrespectful and treats me like a servant rather than a family member. Am I wrong to expect non-emergency things to be scheduled in advance, or is it acceptable to text and say, "Hey, I need you to watch the kids. Be here at noon"? -- HURT FEELINGS

DEAR HURT FEELINGS: No, you're not wrong. The next time you receive a text like the one you quoted, send one back that says, "Not available then -- need more warning. Ask sooner next time."

Family & Parenting
life

Who The Heck Is Pete?

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 2nd, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am blessed to be 70 years old and have few problems. Your column today got me wondering about something. You answered, "For Pete's sake..." to a question. I just wondered, who is Pete? I have heard the expression all my life and am just curious. -- DALE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR DALE: That's a good question, because I didn't know where the phrase came from either. "For Pete's sake" is a mild oath. According to my online research, it's a cleaned-up version of what was originally "For Christ's sake."

life

Man Can't Cope With Pregnant Girlfriend and Ailing Ex-Wife

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 1st, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My situation is upsetting and I don't know what to do anymore. My girlfriend, "Dana," is pregnant. My ex-wife showed up at our door with terminal cancer and nowhere to go. When I told her she could stay with us, Dana moved out.

There is no one that my ex can rely on except me. I am torn. I love Dana and don't want to lose her, but I can't turn my back on someone who has no one in her life who cares. I wish Dana could understand what I'm going through. Please help. -- IN TURMOIL IN WISCONSIN

DEAR IN TURMOIL: Are you absolutely certain about your ex-wife's prognosis? Have you verified it? Why is she your ex-wife? Why are you the only one in her life who cares? Has she burned all her other bridges?

Without more information, your question is a tough one to answer. But if you love Dana, then the wrong woman is living with you. While you don't have to turn your back on your ex if she truly is terminal, you should absolutely find her other living arrangements.

Health & SafetyMarriage & DivorceLove & Dating
life

Fiance's Choice Of Reading Material Raises Suspicions

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 1st, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am five years older than my fiance. He has never been married and has a daughter. We have been together for a few years, and something has happened to make me wonder about him.

I thought it was funny that he bought Cosmopolitan magazine every month and talked about his flat belly. But I recently found my Victoria's Secret catalog hidden in his toolbox. I have also seen him look at other, much younger women. Am I making something out of nothing? -- SUSPICIOUS IN MAINE

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Yes. All men "look." It goes along with being male. As to his having stashed your lingerie catalog in his toolbox, that's rather chaste considering the number of men who buy Playboy, Hustler and watch online videos.

I don't know what conclusions you're jumping to, but you'll be better off clearing the air with your boyfriend rather than stewing about it. If you do it good-naturedly, it shouldn't make him defensive, and you'll get the answers you're looking for.

Sex & GenderLove & Dating
life

Teen Is Just Polite To Mom She Doesn't Like

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 1st, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and lead a pretty good life. I attend a fantastic school, do well, have lots of friends and am overall happy. I have siblings and a mom who love me. The thing is -- I don't love her. It's not because of "teenage angst"; I just don't like her as a person. I'm polite to her and she doesn't know how I feel. How should I handle this? -- CONCERNED DAUGHTER IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR CONCERNED DAUGHTER: I think you should "handle it" by keeping your trap shut. Not every mother likes/loves her daughter all the time either, but the feeling usually passes. Consider this: Because you have so many positive things going on in your life, your mother may have had something to do with it, so try to be a little less judgmental.

TeensFamily & Parenting
life

Needy Mother-in-Law Plays the Diva in Family Drama

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 30th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 22 years. My father-in-law's health declined and he died last year. My mother-in-law, "Babe," and I didn't get on well in the past, but we have seemed to patch things up.

Since my father-in-law's death, she has become very needy. As a result, my father has been at her beck and call, and I have become closer to her, too. My mother has started to become suspicious of the relationship between Babe and my dad. They have been seen drinking together and ignoring my mother.

Abby, this has become a horrible mess. Babe says she has kissed my father and they are attracted to each other. She has no regret about her behavior. I think she's a hussy! My mother is now suicidal, and it's all I can do to keep her afloat. I am a cancer survivor and don't need any of this stupid drama. Please help. These people are all pushing 70. This is not only affecting my marriage, but also my life. -- M.I.L. FROM HELL

DEAR M.I.L. FROM HELL: Babe may be "needy," but she appears to also be a shameless predator, and your father appears to have the judgment of a 16-year-old. Please tell your mother that suicide is not the answer, and she should not consider doing your father the "favor" of turning him into a grieving widower. It may take the help of a therapist to help her regain her sense of balance, and possibly the services of a lawyer to help her convince her husband that a divorce would be something he can't afford at this point in his life.

You should not be trying to handle this on your own. For your own sake, make yourself less available to your mother-in-law. That she would brag to you about trying to wreck your parents' marriage is beyond the pale.

DeathMarriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting
life

Wife Can't Shake Guilty Feelings About Bedroom Fantasies

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 30th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Neil" for seven years. I find him attractive, but when we're intimate my mind often wanders and Neil becomes "someone else." There is always a provocative scenario, and he becomes a character.

I feel guilty and ashamed. I have tried to visualize only my husband, but it doesn't have the same effect. I have prayed about it, but I can't stop. Because of my shame I have begun to reject him. Is there any hope? -- HIDING SOMETHING IN FLORIDA

DEAR HIDING SOMETHING: Please stop punishing yourself. Sexual fantasies are nothing to be ashamed of -- they are normal. Whether in your imagination you're being made passionate love to by Brad Pitt, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson or George Clooney, as long as it happens in your husband's arms and you're both enjoying it, you're fine.

Sex & GenderMarriage & Divorce
life

A Hardy Hello Brightens The Day

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 30th, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: What is proper protocol on who should greet whom first? I work in an office at the front desk and I'm in the office before other employees arrive. When they arrive, who should say good morning first, I or they? -- EARLY BIRD IN THE EAST

DEAR EARLY: If you are at the front desk, you are the "official greeter," so rather than stand on ceremony, present a friendly demeanor and say hello first. A warm hello makes everyone's day brighter, don't you think?

Work & SchoolEtiquette & Ethics

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