DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 22 years. My father-in-law's health declined and he died last year. My mother-in-law, "Babe," and I didn't get on well in the past, but we have seemed to patch things up.

Since my father-in-law's death, she has become very needy. As a result, my father has been at her beck and call, and I have become closer to her, too. My mother has started to become suspicious of the relationship between Babe and my dad. They have been seen drinking together and ignoring my mother.

Abby, this has become a horrible mess. Babe says she has kissed my father and they are attracted to each other. She has no regret about her behavior. I think she's a hussy! My mother is now suicidal, and it's all I can do to keep her afloat. I am a cancer survivor and don't need any of this stupid drama. Please help. These people are all pushing 70. This is not only affecting my marriage, but also my life. -- M.I.L. FROM HELL

DEAR M.I.L. FROM HELL: Babe may be "needy," but she appears to also be a shameless predator, and your father appears to have the judgment of a 16-year-old. Please tell your mother that suicide is not the answer, and she should not consider doing your father the "favor" of turning him into a grieving widower. It may take the help of a therapist to help her regain her sense of balance, and possibly the services of a lawyer to help her convince her husband that a divorce would be something he can't afford at this point in his life.

You should not be trying to handle this on your own. For your own sake, make yourself less available to your mother-in-law. That she would brag to you about trying to wreck your parents' marriage is beyond the pale.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Neil" for seven years. I find him attractive, but when we're intimate my mind often wanders and Neil becomes "someone else." There is always a provocative scenario, and he becomes a character.

I feel guilty and ashamed. I have tried to visualize only my husband, but it doesn't have the same effect. I have prayed about it, but I can't stop. Because of my shame I have begun to reject him. Is there any hope? -- HIDING SOMETHING IN FLORIDA

DEAR HIDING SOMETHING: Please stop punishing yourself. Sexual fantasies are nothing to be ashamed of -- they are normal. Whether in your imagination you're being made passionate love to by Brad Pitt, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson or George Clooney, as long as it happens in your husband's arms and you're both enjoying it, you're fine.

DEAR ABBY: What is proper protocol on who should greet whom first? I work in an office at the front desk and I'm in the office before other employees arrive. When they arrive, who should say good morning first, I or they? -- EARLY BIRD IN THE EAST

DEAR EARLY: If you are at the front desk, you are the "official greeter," so rather than stand on ceremony, present a friendly demeanor and say hello first. A warm hello makes everyone's day brighter, don't you think?

DEAR ABBY: I have lived in the United States for 40 years. My first 32 years were spent in Puerto Rico, so I speak with an accent. My problem is almost everyone I meet asks me where I'm from. I usually try to disguise my discomfort by jokingly asking them to guess.

The truth is, I feel singled out as being different and not belonging. My friends and family tell me I'm being too sensitive, that people are just curious. I say it's rude to ask such a personal question of a total stranger. Would it be impolite for me to point out that they're asking for very personal information? Am I being too sensitive? -- ACCENTED IN GEORGIA

DEAR ACCENTED: I think so. People are often curious when someone has an accent that is different from theirs. I have a strong Midwestern accent, and people ask me where I'm from. They aren't asking because they are nosy; they're trying to be friendly. Many people in this country come from other places, and the more people who come here, the more often that question will be raised.

DEAR ABBY: My four wonderful kids want to give their father and me a 50th wedding anniversary celebration next year. The problem is, everyone knows I'm an introvert who does not like going to parties. The thought of being the main focus of a big gathering fills me with dread.

My husband, who is outgoing, says I should let them do it for us if it will make them happy. He would probably enjoy it, but for me it will just be something to suffer through. I'd rather do something with just the two of us -- like see a Broadway show. What do you think? Do I have to do this, even though I don't want to? -- ROSE OF TEXAS

DEAR ROSE: I don't think you should have to suffer, but a compromise might be the solution to your problem. Instead of a large gathering, why not have a family celebration with your children, their spouses and your grandchildren? And then, because you would like to see a Broadway show -- go to New York for a "second honeymoon."

DEAR ABBY: I recently began dating a man who is kind, intelligent and fun. The only drawback I can see is that he keeps his fingernails long. I feel superficial confessing that something so seemingly petty is off-putting, but it is.

Is it OK to make a request of a man regarding his physical appearance? If so, how do I broach the conversation? And if not, what can I do so it won't bother me? -- PUT OFF IN DELAWARE

DEAR PUT OFF: Could this man be a guitarist and need the nails for strumming? If not, I don't think it would be rude to casually ask him why he keeps his fingernails long. You might also suggest that the next time you go for a manicure he come along, and then suggest to him that men often get them and offer to treat him to one. If he has never experienced this, it might be a life-changing revelation. (That's what I'd do.)

DEAR ABBY: My mom recently separated from her husband. They're in the process of getting divorced, and she is already talking to another man. She has known him since high school, but they only recently reconnected again.

Last night they finally decided to go out. She says they're "just friends," but she got home at 5:30 a.m., wasted. She woke me 30 minutes before work, then passed out in my bed. I think she's moving way too fast. She isn't a teenager anymore, let alone divorced. Am I wrong for being upset with her? Or should I support her? Help! -- EMBARRASSED IN TEXAS

DEAR EMBARRASSED: I don't know how old your mother is or how long she has been married to the man she's divorcing, but if she has been out of the dating scene for any length of time, you need to talk calmly with her and not appear judgmental.

I'm concerned because she may have had unprotected sexual contact with a person she hasn't seen since high school, and a lot could have happened in his life since then. She should not be intimate with ANYONE unless she knows his sexual history and that he can't give her an STD.

Sometimes older adults forget that the same rules that apply to younger adults apply to them, too. So rather than judge your mother, do discuss this with her without letting it degenerate into an argument. If you approach it this way, she may listen.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I provide day care for our 2-year-old granddaughter. We have her three days a week and love spending the time with her. However, when her mother -- our daughter -- comes to pick her up, she doesn't leave right away. She "hangs out," eats with us, and still expects us to change the baby or fix her dinner. Then, on the weekends, our daughter will come over with her husband, and we are once again on day care duty.

Our daughter seems to think that when she is at our house, we are the baby sitters and she can just plop herself on the couch and watch TV. How do we tactfully tell her she needs to take responsibility for her daughter when they are at our house? -- TIRED GRANDPARENTS

DEAR TIRED GRANDPARENTS: How about just saying what you have to say calmly, in plain English? That's what you and your husband should have done the first time you felt your daughter was taking advantage of you, which she is. Do not be confrontational, just firm when you tell her you're off baby-sitting duty, and it's her job now.

DEAR ABBY: My second husband likes to touch me often. He massages my back, rubs my legs and runs his hands through my hair. This is new for me. My first husband never acted this way.

I have been married to Husband No. 2 for 15 months. My question is, is this normal? -- MANHANDLED

DEAR MANHANDLED: Yes, it's normal. Many women would consider you lucky to have a spouse who is so affectionate. Different strokes for different folks. Enjoy it while it lasts.