DEAR ABBY: I have lived in the United States for 40 years. My first 32 years were spent in Puerto Rico, so I speak with an accent. My problem is almost everyone I meet asks me where I'm from. I usually try to disguise my discomfort by jokingly asking them to guess.

The truth is, I feel singled out as being different and not belonging. My friends and family tell me I'm being too sensitive, that people are just curious. I say it's rude to ask such a personal question of a total stranger. Would it be impolite for me to point out that they're asking for very personal information? Am I being too sensitive? -- ACCENTED IN GEORGIA

DEAR ACCENTED: I think so. People are often curious when someone has an accent that is different from theirs. I have a strong Midwestern accent, and people ask me where I'm from. They aren't asking because they are nosy; they're trying to be friendly. Many people in this country come from other places, and the more people who come here, the more often that question will be raised.

DEAR ABBY: My four wonderful kids want to give their father and me a 50th wedding anniversary celebration next year. The problem is, everyone knows I'm an introvert who does not like going to parties. The thought of being the main focus of a big gathering fills me with dread.

My husband, who is outgoing, says I should let them do it for us if it will make them happy. He would probably enjoy it, but for me it will just be something to suffer through. I'd rather do something with just the two of us -- like see a Broadway show. What do you think? Do I have to do this, even though I don't want to? -- ROSE OF TEXAS

DEAR ROSE: I don't think you should have to suffer, but a compromise might be the solution to your problem. Instead of a large gathering, why not have a family celebration with your children, their spouses and your grandchildren? And then, because you would like to see a Broadway show -- go to New York for a "second honeymoon."

DEAR ABBY: I recently began dating a man who is kind, intelligent and fun. The only drawback I can see is that he keeps his fingernails long. I feel superficial confessing that something so seemingly petty is off-putting, but it is.

Is it OK to make a request of a man regarding his physical appearance? If so, how do I broach the conversation? And if not, what can I do so it won't bother me? -- PUT OFF IN DELAWARE

DEAR PUT OFF: Could this man be a guitarist and need the nails for strumming? If not, I don't think it would be rude to casually ask him why he keeps his fingernails long. You might also suggest that the next time you go for a manicure he come along, and then suggest to him that men often get them and offer to treat him to one. If he has never experienced this, it might be a life-changing revelation. (That's what I'd do.)

DEAR ABBY: My mom recently separated from her husband. They're in the process of getting divorced, and she is already talking to another man. She has known him since high school, but they only recently reconnected again.

Last night they finally decided to go out. She says they're "just friends," but she got home at 5:30 a.m., wasted. She woke me 30 minutes before work, then passed out in my bed. I think she's moving way too fast. She isn't a teenager anymore, let alone divorced. Am I wrong for being upset with her? Or should I support her? Help! -- EMBARRASSED IN TEXAS

DEAR EMBARRASSED: I don't know how old your mother is or how long she has been married to the man she's divorcing, but if she has been out of the dating scene for any length of time, you need to talk calmly with her and not appear judgmental.

I'm concerned because she may have had unprotected sexual contact with a person she hasn't seen since high school, and a lot could have happened in his life since then. She should not be intimate with ANYONE unless she knows his sexual history and that he can't give her an STD.

Sometimes older adults forget that the same rules that apply to younger adults apply to them, too. So rather than judge your mother, do discuss this with her without letting it degenerate into an argument. If you approach it this way, she may listen.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I provide day care for our 2-year-old granddaughter. We have her three days a week and love spending the time with her. However, when her mother -- our daughter -- comes to pick her up, she doesn't leave right away. She "hangs out," eats with us, and still expects us to change the baby or fix her dinner. Then, on the weekends, our daughter will come over with her husband, and we are once again on day care duty.

Our daughter seems to think that when she is at our house, we are the baby sitters and she can just plop herself on the couch and watch TV. How do we tactfully tell her she needs to take responsibility for her daughter when they are at our house? -- TIRED GRANDPARENTS

DEAR TIRED GRANDPARENTS: How about just saying what you have to say calmly, in plain English? That's what you and your husband should have done the first time you felt your daughter was taking advantage of you, which she is. Do not be confrontational, just firm when you tell her you're off baby-sitting duty, and it's her job now.

DEAR ABBY: My second husband likes to touch me often. He massages my back, rubs my legs and runs his hands through my hair. This is new for me. My first husband never acted this way.

I have been married to Husband No. 2 for 15 months. My question is, is this normal? -- MANHANDLED

DEAR MANHANDLED: Yes, it's normal. Many women would consider you lucky to have a spouse who is so affectionate. Different strokes for different folks. Enjoy it while it lasts.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman who has always had trouble with women friends who like to call and chat. It has never really been my thing.

One of them never asks if I'm busy; she just plunges into a conversation that usually lasts an hour. I never call her. If she asks me to return her call, I'll wait a day or two. I'm afraid to tell her I don't like spending that kind of time on the phone because I know it will hurt her feelings.

I have lost friends in the past because of this. I think instead of avoiding her calls and feeling guilty, I'd rather not have her as a friend. I'd be happier reading a book or working on my hobbies. Am I being silly? -- AMBUSHED IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR AMBUSHED: It's time to be honest with this woman -- to a point. To tell her you would rather not have her as a friend because she's long-winded on the phone would be unkind. However, it would not be inappropriate to level with her about how uncomfortable long telephone calls are for you, and give her a chance to amend her behavior. She's not a mind reader and she may not be aware that her calls are intrusive.

DEAR ABBY: My 24-year-old son, "Nick," is marrying his fiance next fall. My family loves Nick dearly, but they have never been able to come to terms with the fact that he is gay (he came out 10 years ago).

My family is very conservative religiously, and this is tearing us apart. Family members are taking stands about who is coming to the wedding and who isn't. Those who aren't coming are wanting to meet with my husband and me to explain their stance. We are saddened that they feel the way they do, but ultimately, it's their decision.

My ulcers are a mess, and my husband isn't sleeping. We just want to share a wonderful day with our son and his fiance without the joy being sucked out of this special event. How do I keep my family together without losing my sanity? -- IOWA MOM

DEAR IOWA MOM: You can't plaster over the split in your family because you aren't the cause. Ensure Nick's wedding will be the happy occasion it's supposed to be by celebrating it with friends and relatives who are supportive. You will suffer fewer ulcers and your husband will sleep better if you stop forcing yourself to listen to the self-justification of family members your son and his husband will likely have little or nothing to do with in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I found out I have breast cancer again, except this time I am dying. I do not know when.

I have told family and friends about the cancer, but not about the fact that it will be terminal. How can I get some of them to come and visit me while I'm still feeling good? I have asked, but only about three have come.

I feel lonely, Abby. I don't drive, so it's difficult. I feel life is still good, so what can I do? -- LIVING IN THE PRESENT IN MAINE

DEAR LIVING: I'm sorry about your prognosis. While you can still enjoy their company, you should level with the people you care about and tell them what's going on. That way, fewer of them will procrastinate, and you can have the emotional support you need during this difficult time.