DEAR ABBY: My mom recently separated from her husband. They're in the process of getting divorced, and she is already talking to another man. She has known him since high school, but they only recently reconnected again.

Last night they finally decided to go out. She says they're "just friends," but she got home at 5:30 a.m., wasted. She woke me 30 minutes before work, then passed out in my bed. I think she's moving way too fast. She isn't a teenager anymore, let alone divorced. Am I wrong for being upset with her? Or should I support her? Help! -- EMBARRASSED IN TEXAS

DEAR EMBARRASSED: I don't know how old your mother is or how long she has been married to the man she's divorcing, but if she has been out of the dating scene for any length of time, you need to talk calmly with her and not appear judgmental.

I'm concerned because she may have had unprotected sexual contact with a person she hasn't seen since high school, and a lot could have happened in his life since then. She should not be intimate with ANYONE unless she knows his sexual history and that he can't give her an STD.

Sometimes older adults forget that the same rules that apply to younger adults apply to them, too. So rather than judge your mother, do discuss this with her without letting it degenerate into an argument. If you approach it this way, she may listen.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I provide day care for our 2-year-old granddaughter. We have her three days a week and love spending the time with her. However, when her mother -- our daughter -- comes to pick her up, she doesn't leave right away. She "hangs out," eats with us, and still expects us to change the baby or fix her dinner. Then, on the weekends, our daughter will come over with her husband, and we are once again on day care duty.

Our daughter seems to think that when she is at our house, we are the baby sitters and she can just plop herself on the couch and watch TV. How do we tactfully tell her she needs to take responsibility for her daughter when they are at our house? -- TIRED GRANDPARENTS

DEAR TIRED GRANDPARENTS: How about just saying what you have to say calmly, in plain English? That's what you and your husband should have done the first time you felt your daughter was taking advantage of you, which she is. Do not be confrontational, just firm when you tell her you're off baby-sitting duty, and it's her job now.

DEAR ABBY: My second husband likes to touch me often. He massages my back, rubs my legs and runs his hands through my hair. This is new for me. My first husband never acted this way.

I have been married to Husband No. 2 for 15 months. My question is, is this normal? -- MANHANDLED

DEAR MANHANDLED: Yes, it's normal. Many women would consider you lucky to have a spouse who is so affectionate. Different strokes for different folks. Enjoy it while it lasts.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman who has always had trouble with women friends who like to call and chat. It has never really been my thing.

One of them never asks if I'm busy; she just plunges into a conversation that usually lasts an hour. I never call her. If she asks me to return her call, I'll wait a day or two. I'm afraid to tell her I don't like spending that kind of time on the phone because I know it will hurt her feelings.

I have lost friends in the past because of this. I think instead of avoiding her calls and feeling guilty, I'd rather not have her as a friend. I'd be happier reading a book or working on my hobbies. Am I being silly? -- AMBUSHED IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR AMBUSHED: It's time to be honest with this woman -- to a point. To tell her you would rather not have her as a friend because she's long-winded on the phone would be unkind. However, it would not be inappropriate to level with her about how uncomfortable long telephone calls are for you, and give her a chance to amend her behavior. She's not a mind reader and she may not be aware that her calls are intrusive.

DEAR ABBY: My 24-year-old son, "Nick," is marrying his fiance next fall. My family loves Nick dearly, but they have never been able to come to terms with the fact that he is gay (he came out 10 years ago).

My family is very conservative religiously, and this is tearing us apart. Family members are taking stands about who is coming to the wedding and who isn't. Those who aren't coming are wanting to meet with my husband and me to explain their stance. We are saddened that they feel the way they do, but ultimately, it's their decision.

My ulcers are a mess, and my husband isn't sleeping. We just want to share a wonderful day with our son and his fiance without the joy being sucked out of this special event. How do I keep my family together without losing my sanity? -- IOWA MOM

DEAR IOWA MOM: You can't plaster over the split in your family because you aren't the cause. Ensure Nick's wedding will be the happy occasion it's supposed to be by celebrating it with friends and relatives who are supportive. You will suffer fewer ulcers and your husband will sleep better if you stop forcing yourself to listen to the self-justification of family members your son and his husband will likely have little or nothing to do with in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I found out I have breast cancer again, except this time I am dying. I do not know when.

I have told family and friends about the cancer, but not about the fact that it will be terminal. How can I get some of them to come and visit me while I'm still feeling good? I have asked, but only about three have come.

I feel lonely, Abby. I don't drive, so it's difficult. I feel life is still good, so what can I do? -- LIVING IN THE PRESENT IN MAINE

DEAR LIVING: I'm sorry about your prognosis. While you can still enjoy their company, you should level with the people you care about and tell them what's going on. That way, fewer of them will procrastinate, and you can have the emotional support you need during this difficult time.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 18 and live with my boyfriend, "Austin," at his parents' house because, frankly, my mom is too much for me to handle.

I graduated from high school with no plan for anything afterward. I was going to follow Austin to the school of his choice, but then he changed his mind about college. I'm happy to stay here in Colorado, but I now feel like I don't have much going for myself.

Austin already has a job because of a connection his dad had at work. I have applied for more than 10 jobs and haven't heard back. I was thinking of doing online classes in a year, but I have no clue what I want to study. How will I know what I want to do for the rest of my life? -- GOING NOWHERE

DEAR GOING NOWHERE: I don't know what kind of jobs you have been applying for, but because you haven't heard back from 10 of them, you either may not be qualified or don't create a good enough impression. If you haven't already asked Austin and his parents what they think you might be doing wrong, you should, so they can offer some helpful suggestions.

You should also make it your business to contact the nearest university extension department and inquire about aptitude tests and career counseling. Generally, the classes in which you have excelled are the areas you should explore because working in them would be something you might enjoy.

P.S. I don't know why you are on the outs with your mother, but if it has anything to do with the fact that you planned to follow your boyfriend to college and not complete your education, I'm advising you to patch up the relationship and reconsider, because that plan is, indeed, leading you nowhere.

DEAR ABBY: My question is about Internet dating. How far along into a committed relationship should the profiles come down from the dating sites? Mine came down within weeks. It's been a year and my boyfriend's are still up. He's not active on them, but the emails still come to his inbox.

He claims he's too lazy to unsubscribe and it's just a habit to look at who the site is sending to him. We use the same computer when we're together, and he has left his email open more than once. I clicked into a few of them and that's how I found out that he doesn't seem to be active. But still? -- NERVOUS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR NERVOUS: Your boyfriend may maintain his dating sites and check them occasionally because it's an ego boost -- he wants to see how many women find him attractive. That he doesn't appear to be responding to them is encouraging. However, the appropriate time to unsubscribe would be when a couple decides to be exclusive.