DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman who has always had trouble with women friends who like to call and chat. It has never really been my thing.

One of them never asks if I'm busy; she just plunges into a conversation that usually lasts an hour. I never call her. If she asks me to return her call, I'll wait a day or two. I'm afraid to tell her I don't like spending that kind of time on the phone because I know it will hurt her feelings.

I have lost friends in the past because of this. I think instead of avoiding her calls and feeling guilty, I'd rather not have her as a friend. I'd be happier reading a book or working on my hobbies. Am I being silly? -- AMBUSHED IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR AMBUSHED: It's time to be honest with this woman -- to a point. To tell her you would rather not have her as a friend because she's long-winded on the phone would be unkind. However, it would not be inappropriate to level with her about how uncomfortable long telephone calls are for you, and give her a chance to amend her behavior. She's not a mind reader and she may not be aware that her calls are intrusive.

DEAR ABBY: My 24-year-old son, "Nick," is marrying his fiance next fall. My family loves Nick dearly, but they have never been able to come to terms with the fact that he is gay (he came out 10 years ago).

My family is very conservative religiously, and this is tearing us apart. Family members are taking stands about who is coming to the wedding and who isn't. Those who aren't coming are wanting to meet with my husband and me to explain their stance. We are saddened that they feel the way they do, but ultimately, it's their decision.

My ulcers are a mess, and my husband isn't sleeping. We just want to share a wonderful day with our son and his fiance without the joy being sucked out of this special event. How do I keep my family together without losing my sanity? -- IOWA MOM

DEAR IOWA MOM: You can't plaster over the split in your family because you aren't the cause. Ensure Nick's wedding will be the happy occasion it's supposed to be by celebrating it with friends and relatives who are supportive. You will suffer fewer ulcers and your husband will sleep better if you stop forcing yourself to listen to the self-justification of family members your son and his husband will likely have little or nothing to do with in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I found out I have breast cancer again, except this time I am dying. I do not know when.

I have told family and friends about the cancer, but not about the fact that it will be terminal. How can I get some of them to come and visit me while I'm still feeling good? I have asked, but only about three have come.

I feel lonely, Abby. I don't drive, so it's difficult. I feel life is still good, so what can I do? -- LIVING IN THE PRESENT IN MAINE

DEAR LIVING: I'm sorry about your prognosis. While you can still enjoy their company, you should level with the people you care about and tell them what's going on. That way, fewer of them will procrastinate, and you can have the emotional support you need during this difficult time.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 18 and live with my boyfriend, "Austin," at his parents' house because, frankly, my mom is too much for me to handle.

I graduated from high school with no plan for anything afterward. I was going to follow Austin to the school of his choice, but then he changed his mind about college. I'm happy to stay here in Colorado, but I now feel like I don't have much going for myself.

Austin already has a job because of a connection his dad had at work. I have applied for more than 10 jobs and haven't heard back. I was thinking of doing online classes in a year, but I have no clue what I want to study. How will I know what I want to do for the rest of my life? -- GOING NOWHERE

DEAR GOING NOWHERE: I don't know what kind of jobs you have been applying for, but because you haven't heard back from 10 of them, you either may not be qualified or don't create a good enough impression. If you haven't already asked Austin and his parents what they think you might be doing wrong, you should, so they can offer some helpful suggestions.

You should also make it your business to contact the nearest university extension department and inquire about aptitude tests and career counseling. Generally, the classes in which you have excelled are the areas you should explore because working in them would be something you might enjoy.

P.S. I don't know why you are on the outs with your mother, but if it has anything to do with the fact that you planned to follow your boyfriend to college and not complete your education, I'm advising you to patch up the relationship and reconsider, because that plan is, indeed, leading you nowhere.

DEAR ABBY: My question is about Internet dating. How far along into a committed relationship should the profiles come down from the dating sites? Mine came down within weeks. It's been a year and my boyfriend's are still up. He's not active on them, but the emails still come to his inbox.

He claims he's too lazy to unsubscribe and it's just a habit to look at who the site is sending to him. We use the same computer when we're together, and he has left his email open more than once. I clicked into a few of them and that's how I found out that he doesn't seem to be active. But still? -- NERVOUS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR NERVOUS: Your boyfriend may maintain his dating sites and check them occasionally because it's an ego boost -- he wants to see how many women find him attractive. That he doesn't appear to be responding to them is encouraging. However, the appropriate time to unsubscribe would be when a couple decides to be exclusive.

DEAR ABBY: There are no words to express how disappointed I am at the education kids receive now and still graduate with "honors." I was at the grocery store a short time ago. Two young ladies working there just completed their freshman year at the local college. One of them had been on the honor roll all through high school.

I bought four packages of gravy mix that were on sale -- four packages for $1. As the cashier rang it up, I noticed that she had entered them at 44 cents apiece. When I brought it to her attention, she asked the other cashier if that was right. She asked, "Forty-four cents, wouldn't that be four for $1?" The other one picked up a calculator to find the answer.

Can you tell me, what did this honor student learn in school? Both girls are in college. My heart is broken for our kids. Maybe we need to go back to teaching like when I was a kid. Just call me ... GRANDPARENT IN TEXAS

DEAR GRANDPARENT: Frankly, your letter leaves me at a loss for words. I can only say that the problems with our educational system will not be resolved in an advice column. Readers?

DEAR ABBY: I was sober for a year when I met my husband. Neither my alcoholism nor my 24 years of perfect sobriety have ever caused any upset for anyone in his family.

His niece will be married later this year in a winery in another state. The thought of it makes me anxious, and I am opting to not attend with my husband.

Abby, I am not a "special" aunt, and I have no place in the wedding, which will be large. Some family members think I'm being selfish, but I believe I am my first responsibility. They are not the sort you can talk to, so please advise. Am I being selfish? -- VERY SAD IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR VERY SAD: Not in my opinion. Your reason for not attending makes sense to me, and it's not "selfish" to skip an event at which you would not be comfortable. If you send your husband -- and a nice wedding gift -- I'm sure the bride will forgive your absence. And for those who would hold it against you, "remind" them that although you have maintained your sobriety for many years, it can't be taken for granted because sobriety is a day-to-day challenge for people with alcoholism.

DEAR ABBY: My friend and I have a disagreement. We do crossword puzzles together at the dog park. She says using a thesaurus/dictionary is cheating. I say that if I look something up and then write it down, I'm learning. What say you, Abby? -- WILLIAM IN OCEANSIDE, CALIF.

DEAR WILLIAM: I agree with you. For this friend to shame you because you need a little help with the answers isn't very nice. The next time she says it, smile and ask her what a five-letter word with a "t" in the middle is.