DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old woman and currently live with my boyfriend. We have a child. Before we started living together, we discussed having an open relationship. We realized how messy it can be, so we agreed on having a "free pass" with ONE person, ONE time. I have met that person; it is a woman.

At first, my boyfriend was OK with it. But now that I'm ready to do it, he's acting jealous. I told him I would stand by his side if he changed his mind about me doing this, but I'm excited to experience this alone and not have him involved. Help, please, Abby? -- CARRYING OUT THE PLAN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CARRYING OUT: Your boyfriend may be feeling insecure because he is afraid of losing you. But this is what he agreed to -- a "free pass" with one person. If you feel you need to further explore your sexuality and he is unwilling to allow it, then it's time to rethink your relationship with him because you may not be as suited to each other as you both thought.

And, by the way, the same may be true for him. If he needs someone who is a one-man woman, then you may not be it.

DEAR ABBY: My son "Pete" is a felon from an incident that cost him six years in a federal penitentiary. He has one more year left on parole. He married a professional "psychic" he met online who we believe has borderline personality disorder. There have been several instances of serious physical abuse toward my son. He is constantly trying to adapt to her ever-changing moods to reduce these conflicts, to no avail.

Yesterday she smashed a coffee pot into Pete's face, causing a 3-inch gash. Then she took his guitar and smashed in the windows of his truck. When she's not violent, she threatens to kill herself. She recently moved here from the U.K. and must maintain a living situation with her husband for at least a year to establish citizenship. Pete wants to stick it out for the sake of his wife's daughter.

I think my son should call the police and make a report, but he is afraid of how she would and will retaliate. She knows his background and could accuse him of anything, if it comes down to a "he said/she said" situation. I'm not sure what to do, Abby. Any thoughts? -- DESPERATE MOM IN MARYLAND

DEAR DESPERATE MOM: For his own safety, your son should not continue living with someone as volatile as this woman. Pete could be even more seriously injured in her next attack if he stays. When she acts out again -- notice I didn't say "if" -- I agree that he should call the police and make a report. He should also go to an emergency room for treatment and to have his injuries photographed.

If his parole officer doesn't know what has been going on, he or she should be informed. If Pete thinks his wife could harm her daughter, he should report it to child protective services.

He should never have allowed himself to be held hostage by her threats to kill herself, which is classic emotional blackmail. This "citizenship" marriage has been a sham from the beginning, and your son should end it.

DEAR ABBY: I have a very close cousin (and friend) who is in a toxic relationship with a man who breaks up with her repeatedly, manipulates and abuses her emotionally, and probably cheats. It has made me sad to see her go through the same pattern with him for so many years.

They were supposed to be married soon, but are having the same problems again. She's unsure what steps to take, even though family and friends are advising her against marrying him. I don't support the idea either, but I don't want to create a rift with my cousin.

If the wedding takes place, can I decline to be part of the wedding party? Is there anything I can do to make her "see the light"? It's hard to watch a good person go through this. I know it's her choice, but it's wearing on our relationship as well. -- CONCERNED COUSIN IN WYOMING

DEAR COUSIN: Have you been asked to be in the wedding party? If it hasn't happened yet, you may be putting the cart before the horse.

Because you haven't been able to get your cousin to see the light before this, I doubt anything you can say will accomplish it now because love is blind and often deaf. This doesn't mean you shouldn't tell her you think she deserves better than what she's getting, and that it pains you to see her hurt the way she has been. However, at the same time, let her know that whatever she decides, you love and support her and will be there for her, because if he actually marries her -- which he may not -- she's going to need it.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: Tonight at sundown, Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish calendar, begins. It's a day of fasting, reflection, prayer and repentance. To all of you, may your fast be an easy one.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Jeff," and I are fostering a 17-year-old girl we plan to adopt. Jeff's mother grew up in foster care, and after learning about her life and hardship, I felt we should help out in this way.

I am a stay-at-home mother with three other children (6, 8 and 14), and we are a very tight-knit family, spending most of our time together. We love our foster daughter and look forward to many good times together.

The problem is my sister. She's very opinionated and has made it obvious that she is against our adopting another child. She feels the decision should have been made by our entire family, including her and my parents. My husband and I disagree, as do our kids.

My relationship with my sister has been strained for most of our lives, so her behavior does not come as a surprise. We would love to hear your opinion about what she said. -- JUST LOOKING TO GIVE BACK

DEAR JUST LOOKING: Since you asked, I think your sister must be living in some kind of alternate reality. If you and your husband want to enlarge your family, it's nobody else's business, and for her to say something like what she did is the height of gall.

DEAR ABBY: After a 12-year struggle with depression, my father committed suicide in 2011. My three sons (ages 11, 7 and 6) occasionally ask how their grandfather died. I usually tell them a generic, "Poppa just got sick." I am not ashamed of my father or what he did, and I want to tell my sons the whole truth sooner rather than later. What is the appropriate age to tell my children their grandfather took his own life? Any recommendations on how to phrase it? -- NO SECRETS IN MINNESOTA

DEAR NO SECRETS: When to tell them will depend upon the level of maturity of each of your sons. Depression is an illness (as you know) that can run in families, so they definitely have to be told, but because of the difference in their ages, it shouldn't be a blanket announcement.

A way to start the conversation would be to say something like: "I have told you your grandfather died because he got sick. But what I didn't tell you, because you were so young, is that the illness he suffered from was clinical depression, which he had tried to fight for 12 years. When it finally became too much for him, he took his own life.

"If you go online and research clinical depression -- as I know you probably will -- you will see what the symptoms are and that there are treatments for it. Many times those treatments are successful. But sadly, in the case of Poppa, they weren't."

At that point let them ask you any questions they have, and assure them that you will discuss any concerns they may have -- and anything else -- any time they wish.

DEAR ABBY: Can you tell me how to select a good marriage counselor? Asking a friend for a referral is not an option. -- DAN IN FLORIDA

DEAR DAN: If you have a physician you like and trust, you could ask that person for a referral. Or, if you prefer, contact licensed marriage counselors in your area. Then interview some of them to see which one you feel comfortable confiding in.