DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Jeff," and I are fostering a 17-year-old girl we plan to adopt. Jeff's mother grew up in foster care, and after learning about her life and hardship, I felt we should help out in this way.

I am a stay-at-home mother with three other children (6, 8 and 14), and we are a very tight-knit family, spending most of our time together. We love our foster daughter and look forward to many good times together.

The problem is my sister. She's very opinionated and has made it obvious that she is against our adopting another child. She feels the decision should have been made by our entire family, including her and my parents. My husband and I disagree, as do our kids.

My relationship with my sister has been strained for most of our lives, so her behavior does not come as a surprise. We would love to hear your opinion about what she said. -- JUST LOOKING TO GIVE BACK

DEAR JUST LOOKING: Since you asked, I think your sister must be living in some kind of alternate reality. If you and your husband want to enlarge your family, it's nobody else's business, and for her to say something like what she did is the height of gall.

DEAR ABBY: After a 12-year struggle with depression, my father committed suicide in 2011. My three sons (ages 11, 7 and 6) occasionally ask how their grandfather died. I usually tell them a generic, "Poppa just got sick." I am not ashamed of my father or what he did, and I want to tell my sons the whole truth sooner rather than later. What is the appropriate age to tell my children their grandfather took his own life? Any recommendations on how to phrase it? -- NO SECRETS IN MINNESOTA

DEAR NO SECRETS: When to tell them will depend upon the level of maturity of each of your sons. Depression is an illness (as you know) that can run in families, so they definitely have to be told, but because of the difference in their ages, it shouldn't be a blanket announcement.

A way to start the conversation would be to say something like: "I have told you your grandfather died because he got sick. But what I didn't tell you, because you were so young, is that the illness he suffered from was clinical depression, which he had tried to fight for 12 years. When it finally became too much for him, he took his own life.

"If you go online and research clinical depression -- as I know you probably will -- you will see what the symptoms are and that there are treatments for it. Many times those treatments are successful. But sadly, in the case of Poppa, they weren't."

At that point let them ask you any questions they have, and assure them that you will discuss any concerns they may have -- and anything else -- any time they wish.

DEAR ABBY: Can you tell me how to select a good marriage counselor? Asking a friend for a referral is not an option. -- DAN IN FLORIDA

DEAR DAN: If you have a physician you like and trust, you could ask that person for a referral. Or, if you prefer, contact licensed marriage counselors in your area. Then interview some of them to see which one you feel comfortable confiding in.

DEAR ABBY: Last Christmas I didn't hear from several of my longtime friends. I don't have a computer, but someone looked up online obituaries and was able to tell me they had passed away.

This Christmas I'll be 89. My health isn't the greatest, and I'm thinking of including a note in my cards to the other few good friends I've known for 60 years. I'd like to say how much their friendship has meant to me in case they don't hear from me again.

Is this too morbid? What can you suggest? I like to tie up loose ends. -- NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER IN ALBANY, N.Y.

DEAR NOT GETTING: I don't think it would be morbid as long as you explain the reason you are including that message. Say it like this: "During the last year I learned that several good friends had passed away. I regret that I wasn't able to tell them goodbye. Because none of us has a contract with God, I want you to know how much your friendship has meant to me all these years."

I hope you will write to me again because I'd be interested in knowing what kind of response you get.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 30 years. A couple of months ago, my 26-year-old daughter discovered that my wife, her mother, has been having an affair for the past four years. It has been very traumatic for all of us. My wife and I are working it out and attending counseling.

My wife and daughter used to be close, but ever since the discovery, my daughter has not spoken to her mom. She says she needs time and doesn't want me "pressuring" her.

My daughter will be in her best friend's wedding in the fall, and I received an invitation addressed only to me (with an option for a guest). My wife cried for an hour. I told my daughter I didn't want to attend without my wife, but she doesn't want her mother there. Where do my loyalties lie? -- BROKENHEARTED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Your daughter has had time to make peace with her mother. If her mother has reached out to her and has been rejected, it appears your daughter is unwilling. You can't fix that. If you are really working things out with your wife, your loyalties should lie with her. Why the wedding invitation you received wasn't addressed to Mr. and Mrs. is beyond me. But if your daughter inserted herself into her friend's invitation process, it shouldn't have been allowed.

DEAR ABBY: I work for a small nonprofit organization as the operations manager. When I arrived at the office this morning, I started my morning routine, which includes adding copy paper to the company copier that all staff members use.

While doing it, I noticed something had been left on it from the previous evening. I picked it up, examined it to see who it belonged to and saw it was an email printed out from my manager about a change in personnel regarding the operations manager. Since I am still employed there, I am assuming they intend to replace me. Should I confront my manager, or should I start looking for a new job? -- FLUMMOXED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR FLUMMOXED: If I were you, I would do both -- in reverse order. Your manager's carelessness is unfortunate.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16, go to high school, play football and make good grades.

At church every Sunday, a lady who is one of my mom's friends always makes a point of coming up to me to talk. She says things about me growing up to be a man, and asks me if I'm dating. She always gives me an extended hug. It's really uncomfortable for me, and embarrassing.

I tried to talk to my mom about it, but she just said her friend is a very affectionate person. To me, the way she does it is creepy and scary. I don't want to be unfriendly to anybody, but this is different. Any suggestions? -- ENOUGH ALREADY, IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR ENOUGH: Yes. Listen to your gut. Tell your mother her friend is coming across as creepy and scary. Because her behavior makes you uncomfortable, avoid physical contact with her by stepping back when she tries to hug you. And if she brings up the subject of whether you're dating, change the subject ("Lovely sermon, wasn't it, Mrs. Robinson?"). Then walk away.

DEAR ABBY: I bought several designer outfits for my infant niece. My sister was thrilled with the quality and brands until a friend told her that I had purchased them at a consignment shop. The clothes still have the original tags on them and were clearly never worn.

My sister returned the clothes to me and told me that because they were from a consignment shop, she did not want them and they wouldn't be used. Is something wrong with gifting an item purchased at a consignment shop? -- GIFT GIVING IN NEW YORK

DEAR GIFT GIVING: Of course not! Your sister was extremely rude to do what she did. And I have to wonder about the "friend" who felt compelled to tell her where the baby gifts had been purchased, in light of the fact that the price tags were still on the garments and they had never been worn.

DEAR ABBY: I bought several designer outfits for my infant niece. My sister was thrilled with the quality and brands until a friend told her that I had purchased them at a consignment shop. The clothes still have the original tags on them and were clearly never worn.

My sister returned the clothes to me and told me that because they were from a consignment shop, she did not want them and they wouldn't be used. Is something wrong with gifting an item purchased at a consignment shop? -- GIFT GIVING IN NEW YORK

DEAR GIFT GIVING: Of course not! Your sister was extremely rude to do what she did. And I have to wonder about the "friend" who felt compelled to tell her where the baby gifts had been purchased, in light of the fact that the price tags were still on the garments and they had never been worn.