DEAR ABBY: Last Christmas I didn't hear from several of my longtime friends. I don't have a computer, but someone looked up online obituaries and was able to tell me they had passed away.

This Christmas I'll be 89. My health isn't the greatest, and I'm thinking of including a note in my cards to the other few good friends I've known for 60 years. I'd like to say how much their friendship has meant to me in case they don't hear from me again.

Is this too morbid? What can you suggest? I like to tie up loose ends. -- NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER IN ALBANY, N.Y.

DEAR NOT GETTING: I don't think it would be morbid as long as you explain the reason you are including that message. Say it like this: "During the last year I learned that several good friends had passed away. I regret that I wasn't able to tell them goodbye. Because none of us has a contract with God, I want you to know how much your friendship has meant to me all these years."

I hope you will write to me again because I'd be interested in knowing what kind of response you get.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 30 years. A couple of months ago, my 26-year-old daughter discovered that my wife, her mother, has been having an affair for the past four years. It has been very traumatic for all of us. My wife and I are working it out and attending counseling.

My wife and daughter used to be close, but ever since the discovery, my daughter has not spoken to her mom. She says she needs time and doesn't want me "pressuring" her.

My daughter will be in her best friend's wedding in the fall, and I received an invitation addressed only to me (with an option for a guest). My wife cried for an hour. I told my daughter I didn't want to attend without my wife, but she doesn't want her mother there. Where do my loyalties lie? -- BROKENHEARTED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Your daughter has had time to make peace with her mother. If her mother has reached out to her and has been rejected, it appears your daughter is unwilling. You can't fix that. If you are really working things out with your wife, your loyalties should lie with her. Why the wedding invitation you received wasn't addressed to Mr. and Mrs. is beyond me. But if your daughter inserted herself into her friend's invitation process, it shouldn't have been allowed.

DEAR ABBY: I work for a small nonprofit organization as the operations manager. When I arrived at the office this morning, I started my morning routine, which includes adding copy paper to the company copier that all staff members use.

While doing it, I noticed something had been left on it from the previous evening. I picked it up, examined it to see who it belonged to and saw it was an email printed out from my manager about a change in personnel regarding the operations manager. Since I am still employed there, I am assuming they intend to replace me. Should I confront my manager, or should I start looking for a new job? -- FLUMMOXED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR FLUMMOXED: If I were you, I would do both -- in reverse order. Your manager's carelessness is unfortunate.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16, go to high school, play football and make good grades.

At church every Sunday, a lady who is one of my mom's friends always makes a point of coming up to me to talk. She says things about me growing up to be a man, and asks me if I'm dating. She always gives me an extended hug. It's really uncomfortable for me, and embarrassing.

I tried to talk to my mom about it, but she just said her friend is a very affectionate person. To me, the way she does it is creepy and scary. I don't want to be unfriendly to anybody, but this is different. Any suggestions? -- ENOUGH ALREADY, IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR ENOUGH: Yes. Listen to your gut. Tell your mother her friend is coming across as creepy and scary. Because her behavior makes you uncomfortable, avoid physical contact with her by stepping back when she tries to hug you. And if she brings up the subject of whether you're dating, change the subject ("Lovely sermon, wasn't it, Mrs. Robinson?"). Then walk away.

DEAR ABBY: I've been living with my boyfriend for several years, and he has this habit of not locking the front door. Is this a guy thing? I have told him repeatedly that I don't feel safe when he does this, yet every other morning I wake up and the front door is not locked!

I feel like a broken record. His response is: "I'm here. Nothing is going to happen." He also doesn't lock the balcony door. Even though we are on the second floor, I still hate coming home to doors in the apartment that are unlocked. It makes me feel vulnerable.

Am I overreacting? How can I talk to him about it without sounding like a nag? -- AMBER IN TEXAS

DEAR AMBER: You are not overreacting. Your boyfriend appears to be operating under the delusion that he is a superhero. Too often we see reports in the news about yet another tragedy, after which a neighbor appears on camera saying, "I don't understand it. Things like this don't happen in our neighborhood."

Because you haven't been able to convince him to change his ways, the solution to your problem is to take the initiative and lock the doors yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I bought several designer outfits for my infant niece. My sister was thrilled with the quality and brands until a friend told her that I had purchased them at a consignment shop. The clothes still have the original tags on them and were clearly never worn.

My sister returned the clothes to me and told me that because they were from a consignment shop, she did not want them and they wouldn't be used. Is something wrong with gifting an item purchased at a consignment shop? -- GIFT GIVING IN NEW YORK

DEAR GIFT GIVING: Of course not! Your sister was extremely rude to do what she did. And I have to wonder about the "friend" who felt compelled to tell her where the baby gifts had been purchased, in light of the fact that the price tags were still on the garments and they had never been worn.

DEAR ABBY: Today was my high school reunion. I was the most notable student for all the wrong reasons. I was born with some birth defects and learning disabilities. I overcame them, but it was hard. While working blue-collar jobs, I lived in my car for a few years.

On a cold winter night several years ago, I met Dr. X in the emergency room. He was a former classmate of mine, and we pretended not to know one another. He discovered I was living in my car and heard some of my story. Then he arranged for me to be admitted to the hospital for a day so I could get warmed up and recover. When I left the hospital, I found a $100 bill in the gas tank door of my van. I'm sure it was from him.

I now have a home of my own and I'm doing OK, considering everything. When I sent my reservation and check to the reunion committee, it was returned uncashed with a $50 bill along with a note saying "Please don't come." The reunion was being held on the estate of Dr. X.

I guess my classmates are more closed-minded than I thought they would be. I was hoping age would mellow them. In addition to the reservation return, I have seen a few forwarded emails mocking my attempts to find out about the event. I hope none of those people were blessed with a child with learning or physical issues.

I guess people never change on some things. Thankfully, I have found nicer, caring people along my journey in life, and for that I'd like to thank all of the kind people in the world. -- UNEXPECTED SUCCESS

DEAR UNEXPECTED SUCCESS: Your letter shocked me. I am glad to know how you are doing. Although people age, it's apparent that not all of them mature.

In case you haven't yet realized it, you weren't the only student in your class with problems. People who would behave as you have described were obviously born without a heart. It is inexcusable for you to have been treated the way you were. In recognition of the challenges you have overcome, you should have been the guest of honor at the reunion.

DEAR ABBY: I've been seeing a man for 15 months. I know he has three sisters and a brother. All he has said is they are not close and he doesn't keep in touch with them. There are no cards at holiday time, no phone calls or any mention of any of them (there are nieces and nephews, too), and no explanation about why they don't talk.

Should I be concerned that he doesn't share any of this with me? He has been very involved with my entire family, but I have never met a single relative of his. -- KEPT IN THE DARK IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR KEPT IN THE DARK: After 15 months of dating, you should be able to discuss this with him and get some honest answers. There are probably good reasons why this man and his family are estranged. They may have been abusive to him, or he may be the black sheep of the family. But you will never know unless you ask directly.